As pathetic as it may sound I think letting him have the affair may be the only way to save the marriage. In previous years I have not been as receptive to trying new sexual things with my husband. I have also not been as open as I should have been. As a result he has been pulling away. I don't know how to get him back without just letting him have everything he wants. I figure if I let him have everything he wants it may give us a chance to work on the marriage and turn things around.

I hope you will get some counseling for YOURSELF. Your husband is gaslighting you.

Gaslighting?

"Okay so I asked my husband about the play. It turns out that he did go with the intern. He told me that he had mentioned he was taking her. I don't remember him telling me but it is certainly a possibility. When I asked him about it I went ahead and told him about my suspicions. Big mistake. He got really mad about me not trusting him. He showed me all the email she had every sent him, it was all business related. I believe him that he is not having an affair. But I am still suspicious of her. They will be sharing a room for a few days on their business trip to save money. I can not get this out of my mind. Especially since now I have almost pushed him into having an affair with her. I do not think he would iniate it but I think she might. He is still angry with me for asking about it and not trusting him."

This is a good example of "gaslighting". It is from an old movie - forget the name - where the husband wanted to be with his mistress, so he decided to try to drive the wife insane. He turned down the gas lights bit by bit every day, so her world got darker and darker, and she thought SHE was the crazy one.

I hope you will get some counseling, preferably the Harley's.

And he IS having an affair.

maggiemay, no no no no no

you do not allow this, the more you allow him to walk all over you the more he will. and he will lose respect for you. no allowing the affair. YOU need to be the one to be that sexual diva for him, if he will let you.

if you have problems, get onto fixing it. tell him you are willing to work at the M , but he has to stop the A. do not condone this thing, it IS and A. believe what you know to be true!!!!!

Do not stand for your husband sharing a hotel room with another woman. I cannot even IMAGINE in a MILLION YEARS sharing a hotel room with any of my male coworkers, unless we were planning to have sex. If that was the case, I would definitely not do it openly ... in other words, most people would interpret sharing a hotel room as completely inappropriate in the context of a professional relationship...and it would definitely set tongues a-waggin'!!! "Saving money" as a justification is just ludicrous!!

Also, do you think for a MINUTE that you *really* would have forgotten him telling you that the intern was coming along!?!? NO WAY!!! He NEVER told you...that is complete BS!

Whew...sorry for the vent, but I'm angry that he's almost got you believing there's nothing inappropriate about what he's doing with this girl.

I agree with everything that has been said.

And I add, his actions are most certainly defined as Sexual Harassment at the very least.

Not to mention leaving himself wide open to a [email]r@pe[/email] charge.

An INTERN!!!???

This is all absurd and should not be allowed by him, you, his company, his board of directors, his partners, or whomever has a vested interest in his business activities.

This is incredible.

Lake

Don't let him have the affair. You seem to think that you need to let him have it because you think he wants it.

Focus on his needs that are related to your relationship together. Those are the needs that you need to take care of, not his inclination to be wayward.

Don't let the negative happen.

Act on the positive things--the things that will lead him back to you, not away from you.

If you feel you have not been as open as you should have been, then start being open! Talk to him about SF and your needs and his needs in relationship to SF.

At the same time, you cannot allow him to have an affair and not let him know that it is WRONG. He needs to know that you know that what he is telling you about his activities with this intern is [email]Cr@p.[/email]

My FWH was playing a lot of games in his own head about his relationship with the OW who was a former high school girl friend. He needed to see me look at him and hear me say..."you did .... with her and e-mailed her daily...you said xyz to her in those e-mails, you called her x number of times, etc, etc.?. Don't act as if all this stuff he is doing with her is normal. If you act that way, he can continue to play games in his head about it, justify it, say it is really no big deal to himself, etc, etc.
Lake