I discovered my WS affair about a month ago. As you all know all too well, it has been the worst month of my life. It has been comforting to read many of the posts; my WS attitude and behavior post-discovery was hurting me worse than the act itself and I now see that is fairly common.

My WS and I have been married 21 years, 2 children. We married very young; I'm 44 and she's 42.

I wish I had gotten here sooner as I've already made a few key mistakes. Tried several times to contact MOM. Left some voicemails that served no purpose other than to generate sympathy for him from my WS.

She tells me she agreed to NC although she did not write NC letter. She just had to go to him for that face-to-face goodbye. I have been tracking her moves very closely and generally believe there hasn't been physical contact but who knows what may be going on virtually.

I love her and would like to see the marriage thrive but am having a very hard time with Plan A. About 2/3 of me wants to drop kick her right now. I just don't know how I'm ever going to get past this. I still can't sleep well...I've lost weight--a welcome side-effect!

I have not told MOM BS. I've wanted to many times but it just doesn't feel like the right thing to do. I've seen the strong opinions here and can see both sides of the issue. I still feel like I'd be doing it for revenge at this point in time. However, if I find any evidence of continued contact I will do it without reservation.

I just don't know if I'm strong enough for Plan A. She doesn't want to talk about the affair and it is all I want to talk about. I realize the conversations never go well but I reflexively seem to begin them. Once they start I wish I could just stop. I want to know things I'm probably better off not knowing.

So, any tips on how to cowboy up? I'm a mess. Doing poorly at work at a time that ill-affords same. Keep having this urge to end it so I can move on. It wasn't like I was always thrilled in the marriage. Maybe it is the best thing to do?

This has been the worst experience of my life. I really hate her for that.

P,


If you have been reading here, you are already aware of the importance of exposure. What you may have here is a WW and MOM who have gone deep and are indeed still continuing their A.

Don't you think that MOM's BW has a right to know what you know? It sounds like you aren't very satisfied with even your pre d-day marriage and perhaps are thinking that this might be a good excuse to end it all.

This is early for you and there are things that you need to do to at least attempt to save your marriage. Read all of the great information here on the dynamics of affairs and how to stop them and move into recovery. Buy the books and read them thoroughly. Understand that it isn't easy, but a good, solid, recovered marriage is worth the effort.

Even if you fail, or decide that you are one of the BS who simply can not recover, you will be a better person for having made the effort.

Who

Repost this in the "Infidelity/General Questions II" forum as the are about 80 people viewing that forum as opposed to a bout 10 here. You will get more responses over there.

That being said, you need to inform OMW immediately. Doesn't the OMW deserve to know as well? You wouldn't want her to continue going on not knowing that her marriage may be in trouble, and this OM may do it to her again. You also need your WW to account for her time and whereabouts. If she resists, this should be a red flag. Read all the articles here and read SAA by Dr. Harley. You will get a lot of great advice from the other forum.