AFS, you've got a good memory. Both the lady-of-my-unrequited-love and the lady-of-my-new-acquaintance are instructors in...I'm not sure whether or not it should be considered the same activity. The activities are related, but different.

I am still in contact with the European lady. I like her, but I don't see any partnership potential there. And as far as I can tell, she's doesn't see any either. I value her as a friend.

I tried online dating... match.com and another service specific to my religion. Both of them were more of an interesting experience than anything else. I met someone fun on match.com who I went out with about 14 times before ending any future contact because while she was fun, she just wasn't what I was looking for. The other I met my current wife on but she ignored my "flirts".

One thing to keep in mind with these sites is that men outnumber women by about a bzillion to one. Even if you are active, flirting, sending emails, and have the most fantastic profile, the odds of meeting someone are only slightly better than if you went to a bookstore some evening after work and walked up to someone reading a book of interest to you and started a conversation.

In the for what it's worth department, if you use the online chat functions, you can check the profiles of the people in the chat, and secretly chat with them. I found that these were far more effective at meeting people than writing emails and sending flirts.

Well, someone who appears to be a real (and fairly local) woman e-mailed me on Match.com. In the interests of courtesy and curiosity I have decided to respond, but without taking any initiative. Any bets on how long it will take for me to scare her off? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Now that the crazy holiday season is over, I have been in touch with the woman I met before Christmas. I am not getting any signals that I have been placed in one box or another. I'm really liking this girl and where she seems to be coming from. I have some reservations about whether we're right for each other, but she's impressing the heck out of me, and is definitely someone I want to be friends with if not more. And she's coming over for dinner on Sunday.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Dinner? In your home? That’s big. What are you cooking?

If the other woman who emailed you responds some more, how will you handle it?

Now, as to how long before you scare her off… what does your profile say? If you put in your profile the kinds of stuff you put here, and let your personality through, I don’t think she’ll have second thoughts until you two meet in person. After all, you caught her eye, not vice versa.

GDP,
I hope you don't mind me outting you, but I'm pretty sure you're talking about the fiber arts here. One is a knitting instructor and the other teaches crochet, right? I'm sorry to let the cat out of the bag, but really, by now, I think everyone has figured it out.:)

Darn it! I try so hard to be mysterious and obscure, but I guess I'm just too transparent after all! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> What gave me away? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> And do you realize that it's going to take me hours to untangle the yarn from the cat? Who snuck it in here in the first place, anyway? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Ugh. She did respond, and she wants to know if we can meet. On the one hand, I went on Match.com in an effort to get some dating experience, so I feel like I ought to take advantage of the opportunity. On the other hand, I have no desire to do so. Her e-mails have been brief and vapid, with unimaginative canned "icebreaker"-type questions, clichéd responses, and paragraphs structured as single run-on sentences. Perhaps she's just not much of a writer, but... really, as a first impression the contrast with my upcoming Sunday dinner companion could hardly be more distinct.

I know, I know... The point of dating widely is to develop social skills and confidence, and to learn about yourself and the characteristics you should be looking for in others. It is not supposed to be about making direct comparisons between the people you date. But...aw, nuts! Who do I think I'm kidding?

It feels pretty big. You can learn a lot about people from their homes. And her acceptance of my invitation indicates that I've either earned a certain measure of trust or that she's somewhat foolhardy. (Actually, if it came to that, I have a strong suspicion that she could whip my butt. She's not very big, but then neither am I; and let's just say that she has training in areas a bit more...er...aggressive than embroidery. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" /> I don't. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />)

For dinner, I'm still trying to decide between hot dogs and spam. After all, they both go well with macaroni & cheese, don't they? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Why not hot dogs AND spam!

Personally, I'd melt for any man who could make me an awesome batch of homemade mac and cheese. You know, with extra, extra sharp cheddar and gobs of butter.

Heh, heh. It just goes to show how important it is to know who you're dealing with when you want to make a positive impression. This woman is seriously into a healthy lifestyle, with no red meat or dairy, and we have already had the talk about how annoying it is for guys to pursue her who have incompatible values (lifestyle and otherwise).

One of the reasons I wanted her to come to my house is to demonstrate that I am not trying to pass myself off as something I am not. Fortunately for my prospects, I haven't yet found any reason to believe that the real me will be off-putting...

So, How did dinner go????

Yeah, the silence is deafening!! Maybe they're still eating dessert <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />.

AGG

The food was delicious, the company was delightful, and my emotional equilibrium is seriously compromised.

If you're sitting at the table talking after dinner and she asks you what time it is, and both of you suspect that your watch is lying when it tells you that it's after midnight (despite the corroboration of your cell phone)...that's a good sign, right?

I still have no clue whether she feels any attraction toward me. But if she doesn't, I am convinced that she wants to remain open to the possibilities.

I also learned that the other guy she's "dating" is/was not a serious relationship, and she really doesn't sense that it's going to go anywhere. This really is a situation where she's just dating around (and no, not sleeping around).

We are on so many of the same pages it's disconcerting - all the more so because of the pages which are not the same. She is not a Christian. (And yet, oddly, it appears that with her I can be open about not only my faith but also the more unorthodox parts of my worldview. I am not accustomed to that level of freedom and interest, except with my atheistic brother. Heh, heh. He would love this girl. I reckon it's a good thing he's already married and lives in another state.)

I intend to keep my wits about me and behave in a reasonable manner. But God help me, she is just so attractive on all levels.

AGoodGuy: <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

Wow, GDP, I've been following your "adventures" and I'm really excited for you. I also hear your trepidations, but it sounds like you're ready for this and she's emotionally available. Good luck!

Woohoo!!! She saw and appreciated the finer qualities of an MB member, she must be wise! Good luck, and play cool <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.

AGG

Oh, fabulous! Brilliant.

I think hanging out until after midnight is a very good sign.

I know this is terribly personal, but I’m a very nosey person: Did you kiss her?

Ewwwwwwwwwww, we don't want to know!! Uh, didya, didya, didya??????

AGG

No, GG, I didn't kiss her. I'm about 98% certain that such an attempt would have been disastrous.

We talked about our dating philosophies, and we seem to be pretty much on the same page, with a desire to develop a friendship first. If I had gone for a kiss, it's just possible that it might have jump-started something more quickly; but that's not a pace either of us would be comfortable with, and it would have conflicted with how I've presented myself. Since I've tried to present myself as honestly as possible, that would be bad. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

But I'll say this: I like the way she hugs. Nothing tentative or gingerly about it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

That's a good sign!! I hate the ones that feel like hugging a tree!

AGG