Yeah, or the ones like my ex who made me feel like I was going to fall.

Hugging is good.When are you going to see her next?

I don't know when I'm going to see her again.

I just don't understand the protocol. I'm trying to figure this out as I go along. How to pursue without pressuring. Pace would seem to be key, and for lack of any better guide I'm trying to go by my instinct.

An added wrinkle is that I suspect she has a birthday coming up in the next week or two, based on the astrological sign in her profile. I remember that Match.com bumped my age somewhere along the line, so I'm hoping that any day now I will see her age change in her profile, which would presumably identify her birthday (within a day). I know her favorite flower, and other bits of information which would enable me to tailor a bouquet for her tastes. But I don't have any addresses to make a delivery - and if my guess about how Match.com works is wrong, or if I'm misremembering the original age I read in her profile, I could miss an opportunity there.

Oh well. I'll figure something out.

Um...if I sent, say, no more than half a dozen...or so...e-mails declaring my undying love, and maybe a text message or um...seventeen...er, just as a hypothetical number, and left...oh, say three or four or...uh...nine?...messages on her voice mail, that would count as playing it cool...er...right?

I mean, as long as I didn't send her any of those...you know...pictures? Or just the one, anyway?

Just be sure to view her profile when you are NOT logged in. I believe Match now allows you to see who has viewed your profile, and you don't want her to get the correct impression that you are viewing her profile every single day - too creepy, since she does not know your reasons for doing so <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.

AGG

Oh, no, that would be fine! I was worried you'd do something crazy like ask her out again. Then she'd know you're interested, and that would not be cool, yikes <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />.

AGG

First, near as I can determine, Match.com does not show you when someone has viewed your profile. You just get included in a list (and I haven't found a way to clear the list). I could be wrong on this, of course, but it doesn't really matter: you don't need to actually view the profile itself in order to see someone's age. It shows up in the list you get when you run a search. I set up a search with enough constraints that she shows up on the first page, and that's how I've been checking.

Whew! Thanks, AGG, I'm so glad I have you to help guide me through this!

Sure! Glad I could help <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />.

AGG

The way you view someone's profile without showing up on their "Who's Viewed Me?" list is to make your profile un-viewable then go look.

Gnome, you make going back on Math sound fun. I think I know better but I'm headed back soon.

For the B-day...I would not send anything other than an email that shows you remembered.

It looks like I'll be meeting the other woman (the one who initiated contact with me) on Saturday: a half-hour window for late-morning coffee. I'm relieved; that feels about right. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

That's interesting advice, nams. I'll admit that in my cluelessness, I'm surprised. Why would you consider a card and flowers to be inappropriate?

Are you sure you're the same GDP from two years ago?

You sound completely different. Up-beat and, dare I say, glowing?

I'm really happy for you. Report back on Saturday. I may be doing nothing and have to live vicariously.

In case it wasn't clear, the woman I'm meeting on Saturday is not the one I'm enamored with, GG. I don't expect to have an experience worth vicarious enjoyment. I'm relieved because she informed me of the half-hour window, which implies that we are both on the same page in regard to our expectations.

I know it's a different one. Still...

So is it a coincidence that you are attracted to two instructors of related activities? Are you attracted to the qualities of instructors in general, or women that share your interest in these activities (high RC need)?

Hmm. Interesting questions, AFS. I don't actually have a high RC need, and I don't know what "qualities of instructors in general" there are which might have a particular appeal to me. And yet I balk a little at dismissing the connection as pure coincidence - especially since my ex-wife also engaged in the same activity (although she did not teach). All three of these women have a much higher degree of skill and natural aptitude than I do, and in some sense they represent an inside track into a community where I am something of a peripheral hanger-on. Also, there might be something else going on that I'm not aware of.

Keep in mind though, that although I first got to know the lady-of-my-unrequited-love while she was my teacher, I was engaged to my ex-wife before either of us got involved in this activity. And my interactions with the lady-of-my-new-acquaintance have not involved the activity at all. (We've actually spent a lot more time talking about her full-time job, which is something else entirely.)

So I'm disinclined to place too much significance on the "coincidence." To be sure, it was one of the things I noticed when I read this new woman's profile, but...look, I've read a fair number of profiles by now, and most don't really say anything much. They don't make much of an impression. Occasionally I run across one that makes me smile, because the writer's wit and personality come through. This woman...her profile was chock-full of personality, attitude, intelligence, and shared interests and values. When I first wrote her, it was as one of a batch of four or five e-mails to various profiles, and there was no question that if I had had to pick one person to respond it would have been her, on any number of counts.

Seriously, I worried about freaking her out at first because of claiming interest and appreciation for so many of the same things. (Get this: we drive the same make, model, and color car!) I was concerned that I would come across as trying to con her (the old "Oh, yeah, really? That's my favorite [fill in the blank] too! What an amazing coincidence!" ploy). It's one of the reasons I wanted her to come to my house - so that she could see I was for real. It's one thing to put on an extemporaneous act; it's another to produce an elaborate set design.

So with all that, I'm really not too worried about being under the control of some kind of hidden fetish for instructors. I have other more ordinary mechanisms in place for warping my judgment.

OK, I gave up on the whole surprise thing. At best, I would have had to call her anyway to find out where to deliver the bouquet, and my experience is that she doesn't usually answer her phone; so the uncertainty of how long it would take her to get back to me has to be added to what is already turning out to be more of a logistical problem than I had originally anticipated. It's not a difficult problem to solve, but I'm going to need some lead time.

So, I called her and asked her. And now I know where and when to deliver the thing. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I'm going to have some fun with this...

Hi Gnome,

I don't consider a card & flowers inappropriate just...well, this may sound like I'm advocating game playing but believe me when I tell you I am anything but a game player.

You say you're uncertain this woman has the same level of interest in you that you have in her. My inclination would be to play it on the cool side rather than to show how much you like her right away. A card perhaps, this would show you remembered, you thought enough to get the card & to mail it. The flowers seem to be giving away too much.

Ah! Thanks, nams. I see what you mean, and I appreciate where you're coming from. I'm almost certain that she does not have the same level of interest as I do (which I consider a good thing right now), so your advice is well-targeted. And I don't consider matters of pace to be game-playing, so no misunderstanding there.

However, on this particular occasion with this particular lady (and this particular gift and these particular flowers), I am 100% certain that it will not be a problem. This is one of the few times in this whole bizarre dating thing where I actually feel confident that I know what I'm doing. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

And heck, it's not like I'm sending her red roses on Valentine's Day!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" />

Hmm...Valentine's Day...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />?...<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />?...<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />...<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" />...<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />?...<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />?...<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />...<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />?...<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /><img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />...<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />?...<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />?...<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />!...<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />...<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />!!!

Good for you Gnome! To be certain you're making the right move is priceless.

Gawd, don't even think about Valentine's day...I'm quite sure I'll be alone. Boo hoo, poor me.