MisterBlue, if I'm still trying to find a satisfactory answer for myself, I don't think I'm likely to have any satisfactory advice for my hypothetical son or daughter. However, I will say that my level of concern for my son or daughter would depend on what I knew of their personality and character. A history of impulsive ill-considered decisions would make me very anxious indeed, while a history of thoughtful self-aware decision-making would make me much more inclined to trust them - especially if communication channels were open enough that I could freely discuss specific real and potential concerns.

MisterBlue, I'll admit that I do not understand your IC's position. Yeah, you only get one shot at the courtship, because if you blow it it's over. But as for making the courtship last...part of the Harley paradigm is that the courtship does not end with marriage. I don't like the use of the term "magical" in this context. There's no "magic" involved; it's about attention and effort and love.

You asked "Don't you get what you're looking for without getting hitched?" The answer involves a lot more than premarital sex. For example, before I got married (to my ex-wife), one of the biggest appeals to me was that I would not have to say goodbye at night. (Of course, if you're living together, that's not an issue, but on this web site I don't think I need to say anything more about that than Dr. Harley himself has already said.) Of greater significance is the children potential. I think it's generally a good idea to build a marriage for a few years before making that plunge, so biological factors make it inadvisable to drag "courtship" out overmuch, especially with a woman in her 30's. That's not an excuse to rush, but it's a good reason not to waste time.

You asked about my timeline. I don't have one. However, my gut feeling at this point is that your six-month speculation is too soon.

By the way, I can't agree with your idea that emotional and spiritual connections "don't exactly happen very fast for intellectual people." A high degree of self-awareness offers a lot of surface area for establishing connections, especially when combined with personality types which aren't inclined to waste much time with trivialities.

On the subject of religious beliefs, I do not feel comfortable trying to represent someone else's beliefs, particularly when they are complex. I will say, though, that it's awfully refreshing to find someone with whom it is possible to share deep-level ideas about God and the universe without always running them through the filter of Christian dogma. I am a Christian, but I have long been frustrated with the need to express my struggle to understand God and my relationship with Him within a model which - though I value it as the best one out there - often seems uncomfortably naive. I have bounced some of my unconventional ideas off some of my more open-minded Christian friends, but I have never before met anyone with whom I have felt so free to be all of who I am (yes, Christian included). That's a very powerful attractive force!

I have to admit, I agree with you 1000%. Especially on the subject of religious beliefs. It just feels right, y'know?

Oh, and just for the record, I hear what my IC was trying to say and know what he intended for me to hear, however, firmly believe that if "it" wasn't there in the courtship for BOTH parties, "it" ain't gonna be there later on...no matter how long you court.

Don't squandor anymore time. I believe: when you know it, YOU know it. Hope it all works out well <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

GDP,

I'm just catching up a little on your sitch...

All I can say is ...
It couldn't be happening to a more deserving guy. It's your turn to win.

Congrats,

-AD

I couldn't agree more!

Thanks, AD and LetSTry. But I am trying not to let my hopes get too high.

Meeting her family went off without a hitch, but...

We played Uno with her mother and sister and nieces, and I played one too many "Draw +2" cards on the wrong person. Apparently, my marriage prospects are now quite negligible. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" />

You are joking, right?

Well...I hope so! Or at least that she was. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Oh, it was the lady. I thought maybe you went after her maiden aunt or something...

I'm not worried about her. I think she can handle anything you give her.