Since we married in 2002, i always wanted kids, my W and i talked about names and the future, but still was enjoying our new marrage. Then in 2004 she turned to No Kids, not Ever (that one hurt). Turns out that was because she was haveing an A (lasted 4-months). D-day in late 2005 (I found old emails).
FWW got pregnent in july 2006. I am pretty sure it is mine, because she was quite committed to the R, and I had been keeping a close eye on emails, and phone records.
The baby to-be is a mixed blessing, I am happy but I would have liked more time to deal with the A. I new she was thinking about haveing a baby, but my mind was on repairing a M, not makeing a new life.
The reson why she she got pregnant (besideds the obious): I think that during her IC session she realized some of the fears she had arround becomeing a parent (which was one of the stresses between us just before the A), And with those fears addressed, then mothering insticts kicked in.
I can't help but think that she also did it to keep me arround, but I think that above is the more previlent reason.
My troubles:
I realy do like the idea of becomeing a parent, and excited, but i am not finished working through the effects of the A on our R. Now i am at a cross-roads, Recovering from an A, is a very stressful and emaitional thing, I don't want to put more stress on my W then is needed, but i also don't want to not repair the M, which to do so will be very stressful to the WS.
I am also very angry that because I am still dealing with the A, I am not able to enjoy the feelings of becomeing a new parent. I am doing the best to jugle the two but damb is it a rollercoster.
