Okay...here's what I did today. I got to work and an email had come through with a link about a new restaurant opening in my neighborhood that is owned by the same people who ran this out-of-the-way mom and pop place that WH and I went to years ago. I forwarded the link to WH (subject line: Yum...) and added, "Remember when we went to So-And-So Grill?" Left it at that and hit send.

Am I getting it??

Then I called him and left a VM (of course), a very perky VM. I asked him to call me back so we could talk about DS's Christmas program tomorrow night, because I thought it would mean a lot to DS if we all went together, and suggested that he pick the DSs up from school and bring them by the house prior to the concert so that DS could change into appropriate clothes and we could all go from there. He called me back a short while later and said that sounded fine. He then asked if there was anything else going on and I said, "like what?" and he said, "I don't know, like Christmas presents?" I should have had another conversation item in my bag o' tricks, but I was sort of tounge tied. He told me what he got them for Christmas, etc. I now realize I should have gushed over what GREAT things he got them, but frankly I wasn't real pleased to hear that, among other things, he got them some GameBoy games. It's a battle to get the kids to put those things down sometimes. but I kept my mouth shut, and congratulated him on getting one of the DS an ipod.

I then told him that I could use his help or input on getting a new hot water heater (yeah, I know, how sexy is that). He said it was no big deal; go to Lowes and just get one and have them install it, that it didn't really matter what kind. Darn, I was hoping he would have some big opinion on that.

Anyway, I'll be seeing him tomorrow. I will have his favorite cookies baked, the house will be spotless and beautiful, and I will be a smokin hottie in my size zero jeans.

However, my little voice started talking to me again as I was driving home from work, and I need you all to tell it to shut up. WH is not mean to me when we talk as we did today, he's just absolutely normal. Like just being polite; like I could be the checkout lady at the grocery store that you smile and chat with. Is it possible that he's so far gone that's all he feels for me? Anyone else experience this? Is it significant that he's not raging or hostile like some of the other posters here?

I need reassurance about that...and any additional great suggestions for tomorrow's first Plan A offensive. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

LS

FANTASTIC!!!



Like some other FAMILY EVENT that he can be INVITED to? Any special Xmas meal that you are cooking?????? Cookies??? Tree trimming??? ANYTHING?????



"Honey, this is a BIG DEAL. Could you go by Lowe's FOR ME? I think it would be best for you to do this, don't you think...since you are a MAN..I need the help of MY HUSBAND..to do these things..FOR ME"..Whatever..TRY TO GET HIM TO DO THIS...I REALLY THINK THAT IT IS HIS RESPONSIBILITY TO HANDLE SUCH THINGS....It's the least that he can do to HELP YOU.....

He does have a BIG OPINION..He wants you to RECOGNIZE this...YOU WILL BE SURPRISED by his RESPONSE..I BETCHA...



WONDERFUL!! WONDERFUL!! Look into his eyes as you speak to him....get close enough to TOUCH HIM....



I want you to try to develop confidence in yourself. BELIEVE IN YOUR POWER TO IMPLEMENT YOUR PLAN...This is YOUR PLAN..He has NO PLAN...He is a SCARED MAN WHO HAS BEEN CAPTURED BY AN ALIEN BEING....

This is the beginning of your road map home...My FWH even began a Hansel and Gretel analogy which he still talks about..You are laying out the bread crumbs..He is LOST..you are beginning to help him FIND HIS WAY BACK HOME....

The anger MAY come when he tries to get you to STOP YOUR PLAN..a PART of him will want YOUR PLAN to fail..so that he can have a justification to continue his DRUG SUPPLY...I think you are hearing CONFUSION..but YOU DEFINITELY HAVE SPARKED HIS INTEREST....

Mimi is a freaking GENIUS at Plan A! The stuff she thinks of is nothing short of genius! Am so glad you are here, Mimi. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Mimi has some special talents. I love her Hansel and Gretel anology. Keep leaving that trail of bread crumps.

A lot of men don't even know it, but they do have a big need for domestic support. When WH left, I got real busy making the house perfect, and I organized, rearranged, changed things, had the yard and car perfect. Put fresh flowers, and even cuttings in glass vases around, was often cooking.

I adopted someone else's idea and hung a soft and feminine nightie on the bathroom door. I used to wear a cotton gown (can you say dumb, dumb, dumb).

He said absolutely nothing for several months, and then one day told me that it looked like I was moving along, and maybe he made a mistake.

If he likes sports, get some game tickets and go to the game, and leave around a few souvenirs.

We always say this is like planting a garden. You get the soil ready, plant the seeds, and water them, letting them get lots of sunshine. Then you wait. You don't go out the next morning and get disappointed because you don't have a full crop yet. It takes time, but is happening, even though you don't see it.

Mimi is a genius and Pep is a jenus

LOL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Thanks so much for the kind words...

Like most of us here..trying to do my part to FIGHT THE WAR AGAINST INFIDELITY...

The fight is certainly one of my MISSIONS in LIFE...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

ME TOO! Great advice once again! Among other things, I'll go to town on the hot water heater tomorrow night...looks like DS has to be at the school about a half hour before the performance begins, so there will be plenty of time to happily chat WH up as we sit in the auditorium. "I've been thinking about that hot water heater and I'm really pretty nervous about making such a big decision on my own...I don't really know what capacity tank I should get or which energy star rating I should look for. You know those salesguys will give me the runaround cause I'm a woman, and I don't even know what questions to ask. I'd really appreciate it if you would go with me to choose one or go ahead and choose one that you think would be best." I'll also think of some funny stories about the kids, update him on what's going on with people at my work, etc.

Maybe even tell him about my intent to write (I'm just kidding about this, ladies) a "Girlfriends Guide to Going to Jail."
Hint #1: Dress in layers, it'll probably be ice cold or hot as he11.
Hint #2: Wear something with a hood so you don't have to put your head somewhere icky.
Hint #3: Come with a full stomach because you won't want to eat what they serve.
Hint #4: Make friends with the prostitutes; they can tell you what's happening and what to expect, because they've been here before.
Hint #5: If the prostitutes are going through DTs because they haven't had their fix, offer them your drink at mealtime. It makes both of you feel better, and you'd probably just throw it up anyway.
Hint #6: If you wear contacts, for goodness sake take them out and put on your glasses before they cart you off to the pokey.

Okay, maybe not such a good idea to share that with WH. I'll think of some other material and keep him entertained with my wit and humor. (OW's not real bright; she's more a stoopid dirty joke kinda girl.)

And mimi, my confidence is coming along, thanks in large part to you. THIS I can do--now that you've shown me how. It's just that stupid little voice that pops up and makes me question myself, my abilities, my WH's underlying goodness. That little voice has been plaguing me my whole life, and became a screaming nightmare on D-day, telling me I was worthless and a failure. I think the voice's name is Doubt. But after what I've been through--and am going through--it's harder to believe what Doubt is telling me. How could I be worthless and a failure if all these people still love me? when my boys adore me? when people I didn't even really know before have come to my aid? when I can still manage to shower, bake cookies, make eggs and sausage for breakfast, check the homework, pack lunches, dress for work and still be out the door at 8:00?

Doubt's a no-good (expletive deleted). Next time she starts bad-mouthing me I'm telling her to get lost. I've got a PLAN, so get outta my way! I've got some bread crumbs to drop...

BTW, believer...I'm going to begin working on removing wallpaper, etc. from the former nursery and turn that into a sitting room over Christmas break. That will be the last room in the house that needs to be re-done. What an accomplishment to get that done! and I'm doing it for me.

Thanks, all. Wish me luck for tomorrow. I'll keep you posted...
LilSis

PERFECT!!!

ARE YOU A COMIC??...LOL..You are hilarious.....




And I just met you on THIS FORUM..as unfortunate as that may be..and I THINK YOU ARE ADORABLE!!!

"Maybe even tell him about my intent to write (I'm just kidding about this, ladies) a "Girlfriends Guide to Going to Jail."
Hint #1: Dress in layers, it'll probably be ice cold or hot as he11.
Hint #2: Wear something with a hood so you don't have to put your head somewhere icky.
Hint #3: Come with a full stomach because you won't want to eat what they serve.
Hint #4: Make friends with the prostitutes; they can tell you what's happening and what to expect, because they've been here before.
Hint #5: If the prostitutes are going through DTs because they haven't had their fix, offer them your drink at mealtime. It makes both of you feel better, and you'd probably just throw it up anyway.
Hint #6: If you wear contacts, for goodness sake take them out and put on your glasses before they cart you off to the pokey."

Bwahaahaaa!!!!!!! I'll remember your tips, just in case. So far, I've not had the, shall we say opportunity, of going to the slammer.

Awww...shucks.

The least I can do is give you all a chuckle after all you've done for me.

Okay, you are doing just fine. Let's agree that the OW is the drug dealer. Your husband is presently addicted. Why not plan to give him the "drug" at home?

It won't be easy at first, because he is in her claws. But my money is on you.

Something that jumped out at me from your first post on this thread, her I HAVE THE POWER.

Y'know, guys generally don't like thinking they don't have the power and if presented with a statement like that will do whatever they can to disprove it.

She already has shown her true colors and I suspect that somewhere inside your H that statement chilled his blood. It may not show up for awhile, but if she keeps at that sort of thing, it will not be appealing or sexy to him, and he will rebell. That is not to say it will be a good thing for your marriage, but it won't be good for them.

Anyway, I've been thinking about that for 2 days and figured I may as well share it with you.

Thanks, Lor. When I asked him about that shortly after D-day he said it was a joke. (methinks the joke was on him)

I love your sig line. That is from one of my favorite passages.

Nervous about tonight. If it seems comfortable enough, would saying something slightly suggestive (just in passing) be too over the top? He always loved that before...

Quick replies needed...t-minus four hours and counting.

NOT OVER THE TOP...ABSOLUTELY DO WHAT HE ALWAYS LOVED BEFORE....

What is lots of fun is saying ordinary things that your spouse knows are naughty, but go right over the heads of the kids.

"Sure, Baby, I'll roll your burrito."

"Oh dear, this just squirted all over me..."

"Oooh, this is almost better than se....same cake."

Or anything with the words "juicy", "hot", "spicy", "melting", "dripping", etc. etc. etc.

You will drive him nuts! Except that he's already nuts, but you will drive him nutser, and he will be thinking of you for a while instead of thinking of her. Then he will catch himself thinking of you once in a while when he's with her, and startle guiltily.

You want to turn him into a double-cheat, at least in his own mind. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

EXACTLY....

He will LOVE having two women "lusting" after him..and then POUF you will disappear into DARKNESS and he will MISS you...

Get it?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Yeah, I get it, but tonight's my first test. I'm very apprehensive that I'll chicken out and not milk this for all it's worth, or I will get freaked out by his babble and lose my confidence.

So my mantra is this:
I have the power. He's my husband. This is my right. He belongs here. I have a plan. This is a marathon, not a sprint. Don't freak out. (repeat)

Just took his favorite cookies out of the oven. Gonna go fix my nails and shave my legs now. Not that he'll know, but I will.

Deep breath. I can do this.

EXACTLY!!! This is the PERFECT MANTRA!!!

BTW:

Make it so that he has to walk all around the house..especially into your bedroom...

IF YOU CAN..

If not, don't worry about it...

Make sure that he knows that he's WELCOME to come over at anytime since it is HIS HOME....where HIS FAMILY lives....

Any of his belongings still there?

I was thinking about that...he hasn't seen the attic since it was finished. Last he saw, the floor wasn't in. I've begun the decorating and bought the boys and I a big screen TV (that was always our big plan for the attic...another family room...and it's very cool, exposed brick and all). I was just up there vacuuming and picking up the kid's junk, so it's looking spiffy...just in case. I'm going to ask if he'd like to see it. That means he has to walk all the way through the house. I also just finished putting out the outdoor decorations. Whew!

I'll just stash the unfolded laundry in the closet....

Thanks, mimi! You are my guardian angel. Keep your fingers crossed...