Don't you just LOVE IT when we work together as a TEAM???

I was wondering how she was going to get him to come over??

I am SOOO GRINNING and LOL at Pep's suggestions which of course you should do with Is dotted and Ts crossed....

Yep, SIS BRITTANY gets A++++

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

BTW, Thanks, Pep...

I think I'm gonna do "PANTIES IN THE POCKET" and he better know who put them there...

You learn something new everyday around this place...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

ANDDDDD...

If you leave a message for him, thanking him for a wonderful evening,, be SURE to ask if he liked the remodeling job on the attic. Tell him you tried to finish it exactly as "WE planned" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> and ask if he had any other suggestions.

I'll bet you the OW is "snooping" to find out any info on your relationship she can and he probably promised her he wouldn't enter the house. That will let her know he did come in. The message will also let him know the attic was finished with HIM in mind and you value his input. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Mimi

this was so funny

H pulled out my panties while in line to buy movie popcorn ... thinking it was a hankerchief !!! and he almost blew his nose on them .... others in the line were snickering as my H held panties up to his NOSE <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

I LOVE YOUR IDEA, Nerly..so forgive me if this sounds like I'm being picky.

I think you shouldn't ASK but TELL him that you loved it that he got a chance to see the attic..and then on to that you designed it as "WE PLANNED"....

Just wanted to add that I love the Plan A tactics that have the effect of increasing (revealing?) the OW's jealous controlling streak.

My WH tried to pretend that OW was 'better' than me in that she didn't expect any committment from him... LOL Just because she had slept with him for about a year minus any serious discussion once he divorced me, he assumed she didn't expect him to ever marry her... "She's not like you" he said (um her willingness to have sex with a man minus marriage - a man who was MARRIED to another at that - supposedly made ME inferior to HER!!! He saw ME as controlling simply because I wanted my husband to be faithful - as I was. And she was 'better' than me because she didn't have that hang-up?

Anyway, when I did Plan A I gave her plenty to react to in a most unbecoming, controlling way. I started Plan A just 6 weeks before the divorce was final. When the day came to sign the divorce papers WH agreed to one-year legal separation agreement instead! OW flipped out LOL

You bet he got to see that she did have some expectations and jealousy after all!

I am a big fan of messages that the OW gets to see.

During sleazy hotel week, I left naughty handwritten notes in his room, and several of them she got to first.

Bet if she has any suspicions about last night, she will be checking his TM's, and anything else she can get her hands on.

It is beautiful if you can create enough conflict and confusion that he can't keep straight which of you did what, when he is supposed to be with whom, who said what, what all his rules from OW are, whether he was supposed to be lunching with you or her......

Still lololol about the panties in the pocket.

OMG, Pep!!!



I just sprayed coffee all over my keyboard!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

"It is beautiful if you can create enough conflict and confusion that he can't keep straight which of you did what, when he is supposed to be with whom, who said what, what all his rules from OW are, whether he was supposed to be lunching with you or her......"

LOL Neak - During Plan A, even I got confused. One day WH and I were sitting on the porch talking (the marital home porch that is), and OW came over to check on WH. I told him, "Oh-oh, you better go home (to the love shack), before you get in trouble".

*snicker* It probably gave him a jolt to hear you call his amoral 'love' nest "home". <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Okay...so much to respond to, but here's what I said (can you believe I needed to write myself a script??) My hands are still shaking because I was so nervous.

"Hi, it's me. I just wanted to thank you again for the nice evening. I was thinking how glad I was that you got to see the attic, FINALLY all finished just the way we planned. But mostly, I just enjoyed spending time with you. You looked great, smelled nice, and I look forward to seeing you again. And just so you know, I wasn't kidding about what I whispered to you during the concert. Careful-love you-bye." Click.

It just felt right to include the thing about the panties even thought you advised against it, mimi...I think one of OW's appeals is that she's sort of fun and flirty. I was always just the nagging wife (not really, but I'm sure that fuels his rationalizations).

Reviews?? (I hope I sounded okay on the phone. I said it with a smile (which I think you can hear in someone's voice), but I was nervous so my voice might have been a little high.

Next installment to come.

I've got another Plan A idea...

just an outline here .... YOU fill in the details to suit your situation

I think you might go Plan A the POLICE STATION where you were arrested!

yes, that's right <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

you waltz in looking like a million bucks

you ask to speak to the person in charge (I don't know who this might be, but I am sure you will)

you are bringing a basket of goodies for the officers to enjoy at the station
... muffins, fruit, candies, cookies, etc

AND you handwrite a lovely note on a Christmas card

something like:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I wanted to offer my humble apologies for my being brought into the station (give date).

After much reflection and prayer, I realize that everyone deserves a second chance when they resolve to never repeat a terrible mistake ever again.

I acknowledge that my loss of control and my passionate outburst of anger and outrage may have put (husband's name) co-workers in an awkward position.

Please forgive me for that. I assure you, that will never be repeated.

Please enjoy these Holiday Treats with my best wishes.

I have "inside information" what it feels like being locked up, (try & crack a joke) so if it is permitted, I am including a separate basket of women's toiletry needs. Please offer these things to any woman in need of them.(tooth brushes, tooth paste, sanitary napkin/tampon, deoderant etc)

I thank you all for your great kindness.

Sincerely,

~MRS FIRST & LAST NAME"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

you are trying to build alliances where Mrs Ratturd cannot.... if you are on a friendly basis with any other police-wives ... reach out to them as well <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

remember to put emphasis on

EVERYONE DESERVES A SECOND CHANCE <~~~ speaking right to your husband (but indirectly)

Pep

Sis, ABSOLUTELY, modify our ideas to what YOU FEEL IS RIGHT...

Pep, I've been having one of those bad days at work and you are keeping me LAUGHING even though a large part of me does not feel like it....

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

good job hunny!

Pep

Okay, I’ll try to respond to everything. Isn’t it a pain how having a job interferes with one’s personal life? I can’t believe the amount of traffic today, so I’m going to just go through them all with one big response.

First, thanks but no thanks on the Brittney Spears comparison! Know anyone less skanky who doesn’t wear undies? (as I write that I see how mutually exclusive that is…but it doesn’t count when you just share it with your hubby, cheater or not, right?)

Okay…add to my mantra: WH is a crackhead. He is not my H. He is treating me this way to get his fix. I can’t let it get me down that he shows no reaction. You all told me he wouldn’t.

I have been reading my Bible, too, since all this started. Maybe I picked up on the armor reference subconsciously? I also love the one about living in the light, in Philippians, actually all of verse four, but especially: “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

RE DS8: I have spoken to and emailed both teachers and the school counselors at their schools. I told the counselors the whole truth, but the teachers just know that WH filed for divorce, and it was not what I wanted. I asked each one to let me know if it appeared any issues were coming up. Both boys are in divorce groups at school run by the counselors.

Pep, your Plan A assault of having him come babysit the boys would be perfect if…he would actually come here. I know from experience that he would just take them to his parent’s house where he is living, less than a mile away, or tell me that I needed to drop them off. Maybe if I just have a quick trip to wrap up the shopping, etc., he could come by and hook up the xbox for the boys (I know, a monkey could do it…yellow to yellow, red to red, white to white) or play an xbox game with them? You are right: WH hanging out here at the house—his home--would have as much impact as seeing me going out. I totally get where you are going with this…I just don’t know how to pull it off.

Actually, the most critical question truly is how to manipulate things so that WH and I have contact for ANYTHING more than just the pick-up drop-off? That’s essentially no contact as it is. We need TIME AND OPPORTUNITY to interact!! And I’m afraid he will avoid it at all costs, just to avoid facing anything that eats away at his carefully crafted rationalizations and justifications that allow him to get his fix. Last night, for example, before he agreed to go together to the concert, one of his objections was that it would give the kids the wrong idea (like his adulterous relationship with one of their friend’s mom was the RIGHT idea???). Gross.

Okay, I will rack my brain to think of some possible way to get him here or have significant contact of ANY KIND. Need more ideas, people…this fish is gonna be a tough one to reel in.

I did get him a present…a coffee table book with these wonderful photographs of Michigan lighthouses (okay, the weirdness about me and lighthouses lately is another post entirely). In another thread, I proposed an inscription (which I will now post here for your consideration):
"Seeing these lighthouses brings back many memories of wonderful trips we have taken, beautiful sights we’ve seen, and happy times together. I hope that we have a chance to see the ones in this book that we haven’t visited yet. In the meantime, I hope I can be a lighthouse for you. Love, me" Another poster recommended an alternative, “saw this book and thought of you, enjoy!” Where do you come down on this one?

I’m ALL OVER the pocket panties idea…LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT…if only I can get within 10 feet of him. (that pesky no contact thing again) That would SO surprise and intrigue him. Even if he does come to the house, though, I bet he just keeps his coat on so he can flee at the soonest possible moment.

No prob on the ‘puter; thanks for checking. I set it up so you need password to log on, and I’ve been very careful about logging out every time, just in case he comes over when I’m at work. In terms of stirring the pot, I don’t know how or if OW will have access to any messages I leave on his cell. Other than time spent here or with the boys—and thus not with her—I don’t know how I can get it right in her face. (‘specially since I still have to figure out how to get myself under WH’s nose first). I would LOVE to get to the point of causing him confusion…but again, this requires more than just very minimal contact, which is all we have!! See my dilemma? All of these ideas are fantastic, but I need to get TO him.

The police station idea won’t work exactly as presented…the jail is actually run by the county sheriff, so it was a whole different set of folks who “hosted” me, even though it was WH’s coworkers who “escorted” me there. However, I really like the idea of sending a cards and some cookies to the handful of guys who were so nice to me….and not just those at the dept.; the guys WH plays cards with have also been very kind.

Mimi, I’m so sorry you are having a bad day! Anything I can do, except tell you how wonderful you’ve been to me, and what a difference you’ve made to me? (((mimi)))

Whew. There’s the long story. WH is working tomorrow, then he’s off for Fri., Sat., Sun. so we’ve got a day to come up with a battle plan. You with me, MBers?

LilSis

not skanky ---> Neak <--- sometimes does not wear panties

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

1. Keep reading the Bible. Also, you will enjoy Hosea.
2. Repeat that mantra several more times. You can't see it from your viewpoint, but your WH is already oodles more attatched to you than many I have seen on here, and you're just starting.
3. Regarding the holiday excursion, it doesn't matter if he drops the boys off at his parents'. In fact, you could suggest that to him, since you 'might not be back right away'. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> It is most important that he see you leaving, looking great. Bet once he saw you, he would wait in spite of himself, just to see when you got back.
4. Brainstorming about C opportunities: this deserves more than just a bullet point, but start thinking of things you can invite him for, even if it's only little. "The boys and I are watching (insert name of movie he would like too), and it would be really great if you would come over and have popcorn and (insert name of his favorite food that you know she can't make nearly as well as you) with us." Perky and happy, sweetness and light. Don't be discouraged if he doesn't come, or even if he rebuffs you rudely. You trying to include him will get under his armor despite his best efforts.
5. Personally, I like the longer inscription better for the book. Just a thought, I would take out the last sentence about you being the lighthouse, and save it for your Plan B letter, at which time you could refer back to the lighthouses. In that letter you could also be much more blatant, i.e. directly saying that you want to light his way home to his family, where he belongs.
6. Keep your panties handy, maybe even in your own pocket. You never know when you will have an opportunity to place them. You are probably right, and you won't have a chance the first few times he comes over, but with time he will relax. And don't worry if he somehow finds them in your pocket, or they fall out in front of him. He will spend DAYS trying to figure out why you had your undies in your pocket, lololololol!!!
7. The message thing is easy enough. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Dollars to donuts she checks his phone every chance she gets, so TM's are still a good thing to keep going, just in case. Are they living together right now? Send him a Christmas card. Leave cards and notes on his car. Just one time of the two of them walking to his car together, her seeing a note under his windshield wiper, which he hastily and guiltily slips into his pocket and when she screeches at him demanding to know what it says (because she has the power) he hems and haws and tries to say it is just his psycho wife or a pizza ad, she is liable to become completely unhinged and snoop through EVERYTHING!!! If she has not found the TM's by then, she will.
8. Are you in a small town? Why not make cookies for as many of the law enforcement personnel as you can, PD and SO both? One basket for each office, and one for your WH's friends? Love this idea!
9. He's off Friday? What can you try and get him to do with you and the kids?

That ought to keep you busy for a few minutes. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> For whatever reason, your WH is really reminding me of mine. I would not be surprised if your Plan B, when it comes, is fairly short. Just in case, you probably will want to devote any spare time (<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />) to learning about recovery, and laying out your boundaries for taking him back. It could take a while, and don't give up if it does, but your stellar work is having enough of an impact I think you should prepare for anything.

Wow..this is also one of my favorite passages. I also recommend Psalms..thou preparest a table before me in the presence of my enemies.. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />..Thanks, Neak. I will have to check out Hosea. I haven't read it.



Don't doubt yourself. He was not planning on coming into the house at all last night. that was a major feat!!



My vote is for asking him to do this..

A part of him wants you to provide him with an EXCUSE...

Later....

OMG Pep, you are a genious!!! How Brilliant!

Sis, get those panties in his pocket! Make sure they're hot hot hot ones too.

Okay, Neak! You can be my panty-less role model! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

1. I will read.

2. I will repeat.

3. Hmmm....okay (wheels turning). Maybe drinks with my best friend tomorrow night? Neither of us work on Friday...WH could come home and put the boys to bed...they have school on Friday. But wait! I can't drink (ADs); but as long as I go somewhere smoky and reek like cigarettes when I get back, he doesn't have to know that I wasn't doing shots and dancing on the tables. How am I doing so far?

4. Perfect! We could do Polar Express or Elf. Is it icky to have the kids invite him? On a scale of icky-ness, it doesn't even rate compared to what WH and OW did to them by using them to facilitate their A, but I don't want to sink to their level. I'm sure if they did the inviting, he's accuse me of using them, but if I ask, it'll be a straight up NO.

5. Great...that's exactly what I'll do! Sounds like me, strikes a chord, and makes a point, but not over the top...and I can still play the card later in the PBL.

6. Operation Pocket Panty will be launched as soon as conditions become optimal for success.

7. They don't live together. Her D isn't final for another month or so and he isn't supposed to be around her kids overnight until then (can you IMAGINE being an OW with 3 kids and suddenly the married dad of one of their friends is your mom's boyfriend, and your dad is gone? what kind of **woman**-let alone MOTHER--does THAT?) I digress. I also thought of the note under the windshield thingie today when I saw his truck parked at the dept. Maybe tomorrow I will send him a TM. We never did that before...we'd always just leave VMs...but he and OW used texts. (and photos...shortly after d-day I found a crotch shot of my WH on his cell that he forgot to delete...UGH) What grade are we in again?

8. No, there are 330 some officers in the PD alone. I think if I focus on the key people that I exposed to initially (WHs PD friends and card-playing group), in addition to a couple officers that were decent to me while I was at the "spa," I ought to cover my bases.

(My best friend and I use that as our code around the kids; the morning after I was let out of the slammer, WH dropped the boys off and said, "Did you get your hair cut?" If I hadn't been so completely and utterly demoralized and degraded at that moment, I would have Bah-ha-ha-ha'd right in his face, and said, "Yeah, they give a nice pedicure, too." Hello?? Luckily, after the shock had worn off, I remembered his comment and best friend and I Bah-ha-ha'd anyway.)

8. I'll give Friday some thought tonight. I need to be strategic so he can't worm his way out of it or just outright turn me down. Since our kids have school, best friend and I were going to spend the day (okay this sounds pathetic but we've been friends since 9th grade and were college roommates) watching movies on my new TV in the attic, eating pizza rolls, ice cream and popcorn (after going out for breakfast at Panera). I know that BF would sacrifice the chance to re-live our college days in the name of true love...after all, a couple months ago I went with her to a town an hour away to meet the XH of her FWH's OW so they could verify the A with a cell phone the XH had taken from OW's house. (Talk about intrigue. This sounds like your family, Neak. HEY! She could be LilSisSis to your Neaksis!! She would be SO honored.)

Anyway, LilSisSis was afraid XH might be a whack job and apparently thought I could provide some sense of security. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Truly, I'm so glad I could be there for her and drive us the hour back home while she sat in the passenger seat bawling, so I could say over and over, "I know exactly how you feel, honey. I wish I could take it away." She and her FWH are now in recovery and I am FWH's "sponsor." (He calls me when he needs to vent, or is triggered and needs to be reminded what a psycho witch the OW is and how wonderful LilSisSis is.) Interestingly, LilSisSis' FWH introduced me to WH. They've known each other since the police academy. FWH is helpful to me as well by describing the wayward point of view, similar to what you all describe. He was also helpful in carrying the big screen TV up two flights of stairs to the attic. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Again, I digress. Once I come up with some possiblities for Friday, I'll post them for your advice and counsel.

Thanks, Neak!
LS

[/quote]

My vote is for asking him to do this..

A part of him wants you to provide him with an EXCUSE...

Later.... [/quote]

You think? Really? Okay, I'm game! but I still want a back-up plan....

Already got the panties picked out. The ones we bought together on Valentine's Day a few years ago (don't be grossed out, even thought they aren't new, they aren't comfortable enought to wear often...or for long... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />