I don't think I would do it as often as once a day, but just be consistent. You want your husband to know that his place in the home awaits. That will be in the back of his mind while dealing with the OW. She has no plan and will probably start LB'ing him, especially if she gets divorced, and he is still married.

Thanks for the feedback on the frequency. Hopefully I'll be seeing him regularly enough over the next several days that it won't be an issue, but it's good to have an idea.

I'm hoping that's the case with OW beginning to LB. In addition, she may begin to expect him to be a more regular fixture in her home...which I hope will be a HUGE helping of reality: HER kids (who probably won't be happy with his presence), HER household chores, HER cooking, HER errands that need running. Hmmmm....guess what? The grass that looked so green before is the same color over here, too....PERHAPS even a little LESS green?

One can hope...

I agree with B about the VMs...that they should not occur everyday..there should be a SHOCK VALUE..out of the blue...

We need to think of something NEW AND DIFFERENT now...

What used to signal ROMANCE with you for your WH? Remember he wants that YOU from the PAST..That's what the OW does not have..A PAST with HIM...They only have the PRESENT and HOPE for the FUTURE...He needs to BELIEVE that there can be a FUTURE with YOU that is much like the PAST..Understand?

There needs to be less focus on FAMILY activities and more on the POTENTIAL for ROMANCE...

For sure, it's a given that he will come in the house when picking up the children...

Does he like GREETING CARDS?? Love notes?? What about that idea someone had about a note on his windshield????

Think..what did he like in the past????

I'll give you an example from our experience.

When we were first dating, falling in love, my H would light candles in his dorm room..Yes, bear with me...So during PLAN A, I started buying candle lamps, placing them around the house..YC Store junkie that I am now....This tradition has lasted since that time..My H lights the candles each night now...Bread crumbs <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />... Maybe too much information and I'm not recommending candles for you two..but I'm trying to give you the flavor of what I am talking about...

His R with the OW is probably a lot about ROMANCE...

Oh, it doesn't matter if it is bent grass in the summer or zoysia in the winter, all grass will turn brown at some point. It is just a question of how stubborn your WH is at admitting mistakes to you and, even more importantly, himself.

Oh, no matter how much your husband likes her kids, it will get old real quick. My ex and I raised 8 together, and I knew them all for 4 years before we married, and some days were H*LL. At a young age, your whole life seems to revolve around the kids. Not going to be too much romance going on. Mark my words.

Yes...this will be the VALUE of PLAN B..

But he has to know that there is the potential of ROMANCE with YOU...

That's what you want to communicate now during PLAN A so that he will miss YOU during PLAN B....

Thanks, all.

mimi: I was thinking of asking WH on a "date," telling him I have a BABYSITTER. That was something he ALWAYS complained bitterly about: I never got a babysitter so we could go out...we would always rely on ILs (when the boys were young, I was always very leary of having anyone else take care of them...I know, I know...) The word "babysitter" might trigger something...but I don't know if it's too much to ask him on a date. Maybe just asking, using the trigger word, would be enough? It would also indicate Change in me; taking some initiative.

I am going to leave a note on the windshield. Just haven't been able to with all the holiday stuff going on.

OH...I know!!! I know!! Just came to me!!! When we first started dating, he brought me a single rose. I laughed and said, "You know, LilSisSis told me once that the tradition is one rose, then two roses, then three roses, and when the guy gets to a dozen, that's when he proposes."

So a couple of dates later, I got two roses, a few dates later I got three. Then, on Dec. 3, 1993, he gave me 57 roses, and a ring. (Get it?? The four roses, plus the five roses, plus the six roses, etc., up to the 12 roses) HOW'S THAT FOR ROMANCE?? (I still have all the dried rose petals)

So...what about if I give him one rose?

Do ya love it??? (mimi, your example triggered that, so thanks!)

Feedback, please! I'm all excited, now.

Jim: That's fear...that he is too stubborn to admit his mistake. I think he will go to great lengths to maintain the facade that he was right. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

LilSis

It's too soon to ask him on a date. Instead I would get a babysitter for the kids, and YOU go out, even if you have to go to WalMart for the evening.

You can text him and remind him that you hate leaving the kids with a babysitter, and could he possibly check on them while you are out. Let him know that it is hard for you, but know that it won't hurt the kids.

That way, he SEES that you are changing. He will be wondering what you are doing. All good.

You have just got to plan A your brains out so there is no way he could convince anyone of that including himself.

OT
Jim: What the he** is zoysia? Michigan State offers a degree in Turf Grass Management, you know. I always wondered who the heck would major in THAT! But clearly, your expertise extends beyond the manufacture of controlled substances....

Sis,
I think the one rose is a good idea. Does he email? I started sending mine e-cards. There are some that are suggestive without being suggestive.

Personally, I don't think you should tell him you ha ve a babysitter you are using alone. I think that would be a slap in the face to him that you wouldn't do it when he was home but you will for yourself.

Now, you might ask him to come babysit so you can go 'out' even to Walmart.

Just my .02

You might get a sitter so the two of you can go to lowes and pick out a water heater, though. That would not be a date, but would still be the two of you together. Maybe stop for coffee on the way home?

I think the rose idea is PERFECT...



I love this idea..not TOO DIRECT in your face...but yet a DATE...

Don't mention the sitter specifically...

Can even ask him to MEET you at Lowe's..making it like a rendezvous...

Of course, you might need to stop and VACUUM out the car..that might involve some bending over and accidental touching...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

MF: ahhh...you remembered by water heater dilemma. Excellent idea...

I like all of your ideas...and I think you might be right about getting the babysitter. Besides, he wouldn't buy it if I asked him to come check on the babysitter...the boys are almost old enough not to need one, and WH knows I wouldn't use anyone that wasn't suitable.

Asking him to come "babysit" while I go to TARGET goes right along with what lousygolfer was saying. Definately in the plan.

Zoysia is a somewhat fine bladed grass that LOVES the heat and humidity of summer, but turns brown in late fall. Most golf courses in St. Louis have zoysia fairways because typical golf course grasses like bent grass cannot take the heat of a St. Louis summer. The thing about zoysia is that it grows like a weed. So if you plug zoysia into your yard, your neighbors will soon have zoysia as well.

Target would be my preference as well <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

So glad I asked... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Don't you roll your eyes at me. If you didn't want an answer, you shouldn't have asked the question. Typical woman. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Now for another problem. Manipulative OW sometimes get PG on purpose, especially when they think the relationship is being threatened...........

Yep...she will need to eventually throw out hints about the pregnancy issue..but not yet..The OW continues to think that she has the POWER..little does she know, right guys?... Sis has to focus on throwing in the ROMANCE STUFF...OW will get divorced and start LBing..when he drags his feet and becomes MIA...then she will get concerned... MY PREDICTION on this....

Okay, you are the expert, Mimi. I was just remembering mom23boys. We discussed the pregnancy thing on this board, and mom even warned dad, but he laughed it off. Now he is living with his OW and baby.