Dang! Now I'm second guessing myself. Was it too much?? Maybe I just needed to lob a little softball over the fence, and instead I used a Howitzer and blasted the fence to kingdom come.

Have I become a stalker? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

have you bought condoms in case he takes you up on the offer?

WHATTA HO!! bwahahahaaa! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I love it, LilSis! Who knows how he will react? And even if he doesn't react NOW, I bet it plants a seed and he will pull that out and think and think.... LOVE IT!

I think you did fine. I would probably have done the same kind of hing. Bashful I am not when I want something.

I did not mean to sound negative when I asked about the condoms. I just meant he really might take you up on the offer.

If not, it is bound to effect his relationship with the OW.

You are doing a great job- I think you should be in the Plan A hall of fame

MF: Don't want to act too soon on the condoms. This is a extended-deployment war, and those condoms, they have an expiration date, you know....

I have a feeling you may need them before they expire <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Gawd let's hope so! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

He'll come around, don't worry. My WH was as cold as ice to me (had to be faithful to OW, GAG), but he started showing up at the most inconvenient times.......

Impressive and very creative, Sis.

Over the top you ask? I dunno. Even if it is, which I doubt, he will get the message that you want HIM and need HIM. So I guess its not overkill where he is concerned. My guess is he'll lap it all up. Who doesn't want to be wanted and adored. Pampered and loved. Dayum!

Remember back when you whispered to him "I'm not wearing panties" and he kinda smiled in an embarrrassing manner. He enjoyed that, it surprised and embarrassed him when he realized HE liked it.

And then there's the food. You know men and good food. Esp when he's been bachin it.

I vote operation "Soups On" was a good call even though you made it unilaterally.

Carry On. <Salutes>
Jo

LS, I think your best strategy now is to ease off a bit and let him come to you. I think you did just the right amount of chasing, now back off so he doesn't get scared and run. Let him be the one to make the next move. And please don't be disappointed if you don't get an immediate response from that package. I bet it has huge impact on him even though he might not act on it now.

Thanks, Mel. I wouldn't expect a response at all. If anything, maybe something like, "thanks for the soup." So not getting a response will be no problem (I'd probably worry if he DID respond). Also, he's working for the next couple of days, so laying low won't be a problem...no reason to cross paths at all. I had also thought this one big splash and then retreat for a while would be the way to go.

LS

You have a good instinct for this, LilSis! Good job! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

And it may take a couple of weeks. My WH was completely gone, but developed a habit of showing up every month or so. He has done that for the last 3 and a half years, and is continuing now that we are divorced.

I forgot again, do you have any communication with the OW's husband?

LG:
Never had time to reply specifically, because your post gave the the motivation I needed to launch my latest assault and I got busy. Sure hope I made a decent intrepretation of your comments. "The fantasy of me" is primarily what I tried to work with; thus the perfume, the nightie, any time, any place, yada yada. So it's all he ever wanted??? You got it.

You are right about me being more strict about not enabling WH to be with OW. The last few days have been unusal in that regard because the kids are out of school and cousins are in town...so the typical schedule we have worked out (every other weekend, one night a week afterschool) is sort of out the window right now. When school is in session, it is very clear. I also did "arrange" for WH to take the kids on Weds., which WAS when OW didn't have hers. I don't know if their schedule has remained the same or changed since I last communicated with OW STBX, but believe me, I thought of that one right away.

And your scenario of cleaning the car together...just won't fly. He won't even answer his cell when I call. I leave a message EVERY time. When he comes to pick up the kids, he only came in those couple of times, and very reluctantly. To get him to TAKE ME anywhere is about five steps ahead of where we are now. See my dilemma? That's why I really like your "tuck the kids in" idea. He gets in the house, he reconnects with his kids, and we have to at least communicate in person for a few minutes. It may be tolerable to him because I am not there (except for coming and going).

Your POV is welcome on Operation Soup's On. Thanks again for your input.

(Don't let nabohio hear you humming "Hail to the Victors.")
LS

No...although he did send me an email around Thanksgiving wishing me well. Earlier, I was talking to him fairly regularly, but it became really hard. I couldn't deal with the things he was telling me...it was so upsetting. Now it just seems awkward...with the jail thing and all. I'd really just rather let it go. Also, I'm not sure I can trust him, because he seemed to be fairly friendly with OW...and he filed for D almost immediately. Like he was ready for it to end after d-day, accepted it, and has moved on.

Weird, if you ask me. Is there a reason you ask?

Oh, just curious. The OW's husband and I have become great friends. We supported each other. But I knew I could trust him. He was the same way though, accepted it, and moved on.

So, does he have primary custody of their children?

Hello All,

Since this is my first post here, it seems polite to introduce myself. At 23 I decided I needed to spend years travelling and seeing the world alone, but would like to get married after. So now I'm 32, I'm done travelling, and I've started thinking about how to have a successful marriage. Somehow I stumbled on this amazing site and was so moved by this thread I wanted to take part.

LilSis, allow me to offer a little something for your own ENs:

You are AMAZING. I pray that I might someday, somehow convince a woman as loyal, as courageous, as smart, as judicious, as sexy, and as strong as you are to marry me. It is awe-inspiring to watch you fight to save your marriage with the weapons of self-control and growth while in the midst of such pain and turmoil. From now on my prayer, too, will join the spiritual forces on your side.

Mimi, Pep, et. al.: God bless you all for the incredible help you are giving LS. I love the fierce joy of the fight in all of you. It's lovely to see you all keeping LS balanced, comforting her after setbacks, reminding her of the grand strategy, planning and discussing her next move. What a blessing you are for her! OW may have possession of the terrain at the moment but in you LS has a cunning, experienced General Staff and the heavy artillery!

I have a practical suggestion but it's a bit long and it might be controversial so I'll put it in another post.

Athanasius

Athanasuis: my curiosity is piqued re; your controversial practical suggestion.

Believer: No, RT's STBX does not have primary custody, RT does. He had no interest. She's "such a great mom," he's a busy attorney and all. UGH. Actually, of all the individuals impacted by A, her three children (10, 7, 5) are the saddest victims. They have to live with her and her twisted morality every single day, no matter how anything works out. I know she has exposed them to WH, even attempted to get WH to pick up the youngest at kindergarten once a week. Keep in mind that DS11 was a good friend of her 10 y-o for the two years that the A was secret, so her kids all knew WH as "Mr. WH" or "DS11's dad." We did things together as families, visited their cottage, went boating, went to ball games, so WH and I were no strangers to her kids. RT's "mom of the year" medal is just a teeny bit tarnished IMHO.

BTW...Welcome, Athanasuis!

Nice to hear from someone who hasn't had his world turned upside down by A (lucky you). I'm sure you will learn lots here...both about what TO do and what NOT to do in a marriage. Thank you for your kind words, and you are absolutely right about my fearless leaders! They are wonderful, generous, incredibly supportive. They are indeed a blessing to me. Angels, perhaps...???

LilSis

Dear LilSis,

All the good Christians advising you seem to be Protestants. But you said you took the kids to "mass" on Christmas. That suggests to me that you are a Catholic. But you also said you were church-going but not intensely religious until d-day. So, if you are a Catholic, perhaps you do not know about all the spiritual resources available in the Church or need guidance in using them.

I would like to suggest, very humbly, that you to go to Confession. But I don't want to get into the reasons for my suggestion unless you actually are a Catholic, since I fear discussion of the benefits I see in this action would offend your Protestant advisors and allies. This was one of the most important issues in the Reformation.

Athanasius