But what about SPOUSAL SUPPORT in your state?

I believe KNOWLEDGE IS POWER...you don't have to act on it.

In my state, I was due a certain amount of SPOUSAL SUPPORT for LIFETIME as long as I didn't remarry... This was even though I was working FT when my Legal Separation Agreement was drawn up...

From what I understand...typically it is called "rehabilitative" support in MI...a time-limited thing that allows one party to get their footing and get to a point where they can support themselves. Rarely, and maybe??? only in longer marriages, does spousal support last indefinately. If you've been married less than 10 years, you get nuthin'.

We've been married 12 years, so at least I qualify, and my attorney said it would be likely that I would get "some" rebahilitative support...but how much and for how long is all in the negotiations, along with all the other stuff like the house, pension, etc. It is NOT something I can predict until we get to that point. Perhaps it would just be that WH pays for my health insurance for two years...who knows? It's all in the negotiations.

That's why I think that my "salary potential" is significant. If I have the "potential" to make as much as WH, he can argue that I don't deserve any rehabilitative support. That doesn't factor the kids into the equation...but clearly they are not a priority for WH anyway, so...whatever...

That is why disgusting RT gets it from her STBX...he has to pay her so that she can go back to school to re-certify to teach and achieve her salary potential. If she didn't get that "rehabilitative" support, she'd just have to live off her coffee shop tips (poor baby...can't shop at Talbots with that).

CHILD SUPPORT, on the other hand, is mandated by state guidelines and based on a formula factoring in my salary and his salary. It is what it is, no wiggle room. It does NOT go up or down based on other support. You plug in the numbers and there you have it.

GRRRRR...can we not talk about this anymore?? Like mimi said, it's so yucky.

And it's NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. If I fixate on this, I will feel discouraged and defeated and won't be able to do a good Plan A. I don't need that now. As I said before...I think I'm where I should be with this, I've got an attorney and he's looking out for me. It's not as if I'm out here flapping in the wind just waiting to be blindsided. And really, I know I can make it...it's more a matter of how comfortably.

I BELIEVE...I have to believe. Can you all help me believe???

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!

You seem to have all the information that you need at this point.

I say: ONWARD WITH PLAN A!!!

Thanks, mimi.

I stand by my former assumption that he's not pursuing it!
I think that's good news.

We certainly don't need to focus on these details -- but its helpful for us all to know what you are up against. And its good to know you've got it covered.

Okay, you're covered. But just one more question and then no more non-Plan A discussion.

What is your Plan B target date?

Jo

OK!!!

Just wanted you to be prepared and not to miss out on a possibly important oportunity with new job.

BACK TO PLAN A!!!!!!!

I'm out of the way.

My birthday is Feb. 15. Day after Valentine's Day. It's also MIL's birthday.

I can do this until then, doncha think? Maybe give the PBL on my birthday. New year, new conviction. My intermediary will be my SIL here in town. She's a really strong person, and thinks very little of WH, so she wouldn't take any crap. And it would feel normal for the kids to be picked up/dropped off at their house, since we are there frequently and the cousins are there.

Unless you think I should go longer?? by then it would be about two months. I think demonstrating a sustained, authentic change is critical, so I don't want to end too soon.

date sounds OK to me

Okay, lets keep Feb 15th (or 16th) as your Plan B target date, and we'll revisit it 2 weeks prior to see how things are going with Plan A efforts. Sound good?

Jo

Just a thought along these lines, LilSis. Do your bosses/co-workers know about the crisis in the M? You're torn between preserving stability and a potential need, which may or may not materialize, to increase income and get health benefits four to six months from now. Perhaps if the key people understood exactly why it's difficult for you to say Yes or No right now, they could keep the opportunity open until then. That would be the ideal situation for you and would improve your peace of mind dramatically. It all depends on the nature of the work and the people, of course.

If WH is spending Valentine's day with OW, I would plan B him that day or the day before so it ruins his V-day with her and she LBs him for it.

Good Idea!!!!!!

LS:

What is the status of the Assualt case?

Sometimes the DA will sweep them under the rug.

But, you have alot of opportunity to make RT look bad here.

If she wishes to prosecute, you get to Cross-Examine her under OATH! How cool is that!

If she wishes to prosecute, then she really has to go against your H wishes, and his desires. Remember that. You can use it to your advantage.

You only have an arrest right now, the rest is still up in the air. (please note: OJ Simpson....)

And your H will have to testify. And as your Plan A progresses, than the less your H will want to see you in the dock.

Also, avoid even a deal, these things can go away.

Also, he knows RT's part in this since you left her house. The diverted eyes give it away. But, he might be keeping her on a short lease with this. Remember that as well.

Under Plan A you can't discuss this with H. (Unless others feel different, Is this a good wedge?) You need to go around that. Has your attorney advised you of any legal options that you could use against her?

As for the divorce stuff, YOUR Attorney just mailed stuff to HIS attorney. Call your Attorney and make sure he puts a cork in it right now...

THINK it through.

Any thoughts from other MB'ers?

LG

Absolutely. Great idea. Valentine's Day is a primo, not-to-be-missed day for infidels. If you give him your Plan B letter on February 13, you will throw a huge monkey wrench into their VD and will have the added benefit of celebrating your birthday in peace.

(My DD31's birthday is also February 15.)
Mulan

First I think Valentines day is a great day to drop the kids off with him to spend time with his children <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Second, on the whole CS & Spousal Support thing.

I am in the middle of theat right now.

My WW likes to listen to her friends that don't know the law, she has continually gotten bad advice and since she is wayward doesn't share with her lawyer all the damaging information - information me and my lawyer have.

First off - I don't care if your lawyer is the best lawyer in the world.... THE ONLY PERSON THAT WILL WIN YOUR CASE IS YOU. I talk to may attorney every other day. We have become friends but I still take ownership of my case, I ask questions, what if this what if that... you have questions you need to ask, you should have 10 questions a week for your lawyer.... You need to start thinking about the battle plan for court, go back and remember any dirt, take photo's of you and the kids, have witnesses that can testify to your parenting......

I will gurantee that your husband and his attorney will paint you to be a bad mother, the one that the kids need protecting from. His lawyer WILL ask for full custody... not that he can handle it but it will lower his support.
Its also a standard plan, because even though full custody in normal cases is rare a parent that doesn't ask for full custody from the court is looked at as do you care about your kids.

I work 60 hours a week my wife just started 30 hours a week but I get the kids 80% of the time.... I get them 4-5 days a week every week. I pick them up after school every day, no after school care for them.... Who do you think is going to get custody?

I DO like that plan of changing to the eve of Feb 13th. Very strategic.

Sis, your thoughts?

Jo

Okay, all...

About the job: They do know what's going on, and they have been incredibly supportive. That's why I'm not going to stress out over it. They will work with me on whatever I need; however, I don't really know much about what the expectations for this job are. I'll know next week and they will give me plenty of time to determine what works best for me.

PBL Day: The 13th or the 14th it will be. Good thinking on the repercussions.

About the case: It's done. I signed the plea agreement...guilty on the assault. I know, I know, I could have gone to trial...they'd both have to get on the stand, etc. But I couldn't do it...just can't take it. I have too much going on, too much emotional stuff to deal with right now to have a trial hanging over my head. It's also very expensive, and very public (not good for me at work). It totally, completely stinks, I know. But I've come to terms with it and have decided it is not the end of the world. The only thing left to deal with is the sentencing, which is Jan. 18. There will be no jail. The woman who is doing the pre-sentence investigation was "horrified" at my circumstance; couldn't believe it. I just want this over, over, over so that I can get on with my life.

WH still defends OW on this, "she had to do what she thought was best." HUH??? However, I think (from the look in his eyes the other night) that even he his having a little trouble with me getting sent to the pokey and ending up with a record for losing it when I discovered the two of them together at her house with all the lights out. I know it wasn't good Plan A to discuss this at all with WH the other night, but I didn't bash anyone. I just calmly shared my honest feelings and suspicions about RT sand-bagging the deal that would have allowed the charges to be dismissed in six months if I was good for that period of time. I have for good reason for those suspicions, and I think H (not WH) knows it.

Good point about my attorney sending stuff to his attorney...I think my attorney was just trying to protect me, though. Until this order is filed, the support is not enforcable, so WH could decide at any time not to pay. I will call my attorney, though, and ask that he not pursue anything more.

Thanks, everyone. Maybe I can find out more about where WH is with the whole divorce thing via MIL or FIL. I don't think that WH knows I talk to MIL every few days. I would LOVE to have the whole divorce thing off the table or get the clock to stop ticking. I don't care what excuse is used...financial, health insurance, etc... Wishful thinking again....the crack of RT is just too strong a drug.

I hate talking about all of this. All of the above is about destruction and ugliness...going to full time for financial reasons, PBL timeline, court case, divorce stuff. That's all reality, I know, but it REALLY brings me down. I wish I could see some chinks in the armor so that I would feel like there was some hope that this reality won't come to be, but I KNOW he's clinging hard to A-world.

I did have a good IC session today. He was so pleased with my "not afraid" stance, and about my telling WH that I wasn't afraid to tell him that I love him, but that if it doesn't work out that way, I'll be okay. He called it love without possession.

JKG: hope you weren't offended...I appreciate where you are coming from on the job situation, and agree with you that ultimately I will have to deal with this. It just stinks, is all...

None taken! I'm also quite used to to what I say being ignored because I tend to say things that go against the trend a lot! But it makes people think.


You're so right! All of this stinks big time!

Here's a little something for you, LilSis, besides our prayers. The real reality...

And I saw a new heaven and a new earth; for the first heaven and the first earth were passed away; and there was no more sea. And I, John, saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband.

And I heard a great voice out of heaven, crying, "Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and He will dwell with them, and they shall be His people, and God Himself shall be with them, and be their God. [color:"red"]And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes;[/color] and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away."