Okay, MEDC. I get your position on condom usage.

I'm not so sure about that, unfortunately. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

She's had going on three years now to figure that stuff out, and again, she is Oscar-worthy. She reads people well and plays on their vulnerabilities..she sure did with me. I'm sure she used them to draw him into her web in the first place (not that he's off the hook).

I also LOOVE pep's statement. Perfect. Absolutely perfect. I was thinking of putting it in a card and leaving it on his truck. You think? Seems more worthy of actually putting pen to paper than a TM...

Yes, the appt is w/Steve

I am not hung up on being perfect

so

my suggestion is most excellent

not perfect

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just having some fun to break the tension
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

"Well-behaved women rarely make history">>>>>Jill Conner Browne

Mimi...REFORMED PERFECT, WELL-BEHAVED WOMAN....

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />Ditto on relieving tension....

You are so fortunate to have MIL willing to give him a good scolding!

Pep was exactly right with her list of fog-justifications.

Now that I am away (far away!) from being a WS, I can tell you that I STILL have a very difficult time thinking about what I did to my kids during that time. The hurt and harm I caused them.

If your MIL can tell him that DS11 is unhappy and struggling because he lost his family -- that will have a very big impact.

The above is from yesterday. Mrs. Wondering brought it to my attention last night and we discussed it and wondered what your children know about what's going on.

Without the truth, children very often want to blame themselves. Somewhere on MB is a thread by Starfish called something like "what children should know" fully debating the issue quite nicely. It's got some balance so you can make an informed decision about your family. Your children are old enough and have enough peers from divorced families to understand a lot more than you may believe about what is going on but without input from you I'm certain they are very confused.

If someone can find that thread and link it I'd appreciate it.

Mr. Wondering

... this is going to be interesting ...

"... this is going to be interesting ..."

....and informative......

I'm sitting on the edge of my desk chair..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

I am snacking on Trader Joe's dry roasted & salted almonds

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Starbucks Coffee for me...

But I guess I better get up and do my job... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Later...

Mimi

I tried to email you and it was returned... could you please email me?

Pep

Now I'm hungry. Off work with a bad cold today. Think I'll go get some popcorn................

Pep:

I need your E-Mail address. Sorry I lost it.

I know you are all on pins and needles...sorry to keep you waiting, but I just got off the phone with Steve (1.5 hrs!), and I have to leave in five minutes for my IC appt. So stay tuned...

Cliff's Notes: Stay in Plan A for as long as I have the energy. Get info from my attny about how to delay the D as long as possible. Keep being the lighthouse; come from the place of doing what is best for our family. RT's divorce shouldn't impact my timeline; MY D is the more critical issue and how to delay that. If a D were NOT in play for me, Plan B would come sooner.

Phrases: "I believe there is a way to save our marrigae. It IS possible. I look forward to a time when we can talk about what that would be like."

Okay, that's more than cliffs notes, it's pretty much the gist, but gotta go.

Glad you spoke to Steve

As far as any discussion about the children and what they should know I bumped the Star*fish thread to the top so you can respond and it can be discussed on that old thread instead of inteferring with this thread...if you even want to discuss it.

Mr. Wondering

WH agreed (and actually answered his cell!) to watch the boys during my pilates class tonight. I'm going to talk to MIL later this evening about doing some bad cop work re: the boys. I do not believe she has talked to WH since I last spoke to her.

Thanks for finding the star*fish thread, Mr. W.

So on to Steve:

Steve and I actually spent about the first hour going thru my whole story (ugh). The last half hour was basically what I described above. He asked some questions about WH...i.e.; what does he want, what would he say, etc. that I clearly could not answer. He also said not to worry about the respect issue as long as I continue to come from a place of honesty and integrity. What I am doing is "heroic." (I like that!)

Although he typically recommends a limited time frame for Plan A, in this case he doesn't suggest that, because technically the D IS a deadline. If I am able to get some assurance from my attorney that he can stall and drag this out for a longer time, then Steve would potentially re-think the advice.

He reminded me very clearly that the A will end, it's just a matter of when, and whether or not I can outlast it. Either WH will end it, RT will end it, they will both decide it's not right, or it will collapse like the house of cards that it is. When RT's D becomes final, Steve said she is likely to get a burst of energy, and want to move forward. Hopefully she starts to put the pressure on too hard. Any delay in MY D will put additional stress on the A relationship. Once they are both unmarried, they will WANT to live together.

Am I forgetting anything?? Any other questions you had?

What did you think of SH?

Are you glad you talked to him?

~ Marsh

Steve was very easy to talk to, even though I was apprehensive, especially since he didn't call me back until about a half hour after our scheduled start time. I did have to recount the whole sordid tale, which took about an hour. I was actually much more at ease than I had expected...I didn't feel judged, which is always my fear.

I was very, very glad--and relieved--that Steve recommended sticking with Plan A. That was what my intuition told me, and it feels very good to have that validated. I would have been in conflict with myself if he had suggested otherwise. Now that we have Steve's opinion to go on, we don't have to weigh out the pros and cons here on the board...throwing me for a loop every time, obsessing about whether I'm doing the right thing, making a huge mistake, etc.

He was much more reassuring and straightforward than I had expected. My own therapist is much more about letting me reach my own conclusions about myself rather than telling me that I am right or wrong. He helps me explore what's going on with my emotions rather than telling me how to feel. Even though this is a different situation, it took me by surprise a bit that he was so directive and so up front about his opinions. Given the context, this is what I would have expected intellectually, but the experience was unfamiliar given my altogether different relationship with my IC. Don't know if that makes any sense.

Any reactions to what Steve's recommendations?

WH took the boys while I went to pilates. He came in the house when he arrived. I joked that I went panty-less all day for nothing. He laughed and said I should wear panties for the hygiene (what a doof). When I returned from class, they were already back, and WH was out in the yard picking something up that had blown out of the recycling bin. He came right into the house, walked up into the kitchen (not huddled by the back door!) and hugged each of the boys. After, he sort of stood there in the kitchen...just for a couple of seconds, looking around. He was friendly. I didn't push anything any further...and didn't attempt to hug/kiss on his way out. Just a warm, warm smile and eye contact.

It was nice. I miss my H and how we would talk and joke. WH wasn't acting high for a change...not my H...but not high, either.

So...feedback, guys!!

Hi LilSis,

I haven't had much to say lately but just wanted you to know I'm still here and still praying for you!

God bless....

Ath

all good

remember, this is why we say for you to self soothe and self pamper ... it charges your batteries and quiets your taker

this is a marathon, not a sprint