this doubt will appear in your life ~after~ your WH stops wandering and you are in recovery ... like dust bunnies ... you think you've got them all and then one just lazily rolls across the floor right before your eyes

I think one of the things *Miss Perfect* needs to be taught is that "other people" are never perfect ... so she can just relax those comparisons as she tries to "measure up"

it's a good thing you are wrestling with Miss P now, because she would be a recovery-killer if she remained full strength

lemme ax youse a quession:

who makes you laff wid joy ... a flawed friend or a perfect friend?

Love your struggle, this is where you will get your sharp edges knocked off

it will hurt
but you will be more recovery-worthy without the sharp corners

Pepster-roni

PS ... lemme tell you about our verrah own Mimi when she was where you are now .... Mimi was a shameless attention-hawg ... LOL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> she admitted as much and she relished in this quirk of hers ...

LOL....TRUE...

I'm the MASTER in THREAD NAME-CHANGING..HELP ME NOW...HELP NEEDED NOW..HELP ME, HELP ME (in other words)....

Ok..I forgot to add that I MAINTAINED EXCESSIVE DOUBT ABOUT MY MARRIAGE..if not myself.....

"I ask because I DO experience moments of doubt...sometimes more than moments. And I wonder if that means I am not faithful enough, that I don't BELIEVE enough"

LilSis - The seeds are planted, and the in the garden things are happening that we cannot see. What you need is to have the faith that these things are happening. Don't go dig up the garden and verify that the seeds are still there. Don't give up and stop watering it, or let the weeds overtake it. Just keep patiently caring for it.

In the spiritual realm, God has heard your prayers. He has begun His work. We can't see that either right now. But you can start giving Him thanks for answering your prayers. Start doing that now.

When I first came here, the only answer to my prayers that was acceptable to me was to regain my marriage. I couldn't even imagine any other outcome.

Now I'm divorced, and much happier in my life. I realize that my WH couldn't be forced to make the right decision, by me, the family, or even God. But God was still faithful in the way He changed me.

I promise you that you will again be happy and have a wonderful life. All of this is so miserable right now that you cannot see it. But it will happen to you too.

I should always wait until AFTER church before I post on Sunday. Today's sermon was about---wait for it---having faith. God is working when we don't see it and can't tell, but we must believe that he can only work for good. Anger, doubt, FEAR are all the work of Satan, who tempts us to lose trust, and look at the "right now" instead of allowing ourselves the freedom of letting God's plan work itself out in his own way.

I had read mimi's post just before I left for church and thought of it throughout the sermon.

I also decided that I was too focused on the marriage, Plan Aing, gauging WH's reactions (or lack thereof). I lost perspective. I need to make a conscious effort to keep that perspective on trusting in God's long term plan, and not focus on me and what I want or think should happen. It does help to know, mimi, that while you didn't doubt yourself, you did have doubts your marriage...I thought maybe you KNEW that it would recover all along. The different ways that success can be defined is a very important distinction....I must keep my OWN personal success as the kind I am striving for.

~amen~

I say the serenity prayer all the time
and everytime I say it
I put a piece of perspective back in the puzzle

I don't know how you feel about this kind of music BUT...

There's a gospel song by Shirley Caesar called HE'S WORKING IT OUT FOR YOU that I downloaded and used to play over and over...

I see where you can download it from ITUNES if you are interested...

Mimi - I think the most impactful move you made that convinced me you "got" that Plan B was about you, preparing to move forward with God into that great unknown is when you put your house up for sale AND SOLD IT! Your dream house no less.

Talk about the one action that sent a subliminal message the size of a freight train through the fog to smack your FWS between the eyes - that you were not lost in the past - that you were done playing games and being on hold while he found himself - this was it!

Yep..YOU ARE SO RIGHT!!

I'll never forget that moment..standing at the mailbox..my cellphone kept on ringing..with some unknown number..which I didn't answer..finally exasperated, I answered and he says: "WHAT ABOUT US?" I was sooo COOOL as I was looking at the SOLD sign in front of the house. I said: "THERE IS NO US"....CLICK...Of course, I made the phone call to Steve Harley the next day..."WHAT IN THE HECK DO I DO NOW?" and the rest is HISTORY....

Sis, is gaining her PERSONAL STRENGTH..that's what I had to do...TRUSTING IN THE LORD...and my MB ANGELS who were sent by HIM....

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

LilSis:

Try to control Miss P.

My Sunday Morning:

Standing in the Family Room with W. Desk that 14 YO DS plays Computer games is a wreck, as well as the coffee table and some disorder of furniture because of the Christmas Tree that was removed last week!

W turns to me, and gives me a big hug, and states "Look how messy this room is. Two years ago I would be freaked out about it, now, I just know it will get taken care of."

Because it will.

Saturday Night? In that same family room, W, DS and I play two new games we got for Christmas, Watch some football, Remington Steele on DVD and JiffyPOP popcorn, (the type you make on the STOVE, with the aluminum foil!) have some Junior mints and alot of laughs and togetherness.

And that is all she ever wanted....

Did you read about St. Therese's obsession with roses? She said on her deathbed that from Heaven she would send a shower of roses to the Earth. In many of the miracles worked through her intercession, a rose appears, in some apparently irrelevant way. They're like a signature....almost as if she's being a bit flirty with us, winking at those who are paying attention....

Since the roses are already so important, I thought she'd love to get involved....

LG: In terms of keeping the house tidy, Miss P has been banished. The attic is now the kid's domain, and there are games and pillows and blankets strewn every which way. We had movie night last night and I have not been up yet...I know the popcorn bowls and cups and still up there. You all have convinced me of that. Who cares...my WH sure didn't...now I don't either. Priorities.

It's the more insidious Miss P activity that I need to watch. The little voice, telling me I don't measure up, that I'm not doing this exactly right, questioning every move I make...when I should just be ME, my TRUE SELF. Interesting how Miss P reared her ugly head this weekend, when I had a long, unproductive phone conversation with my Mom on Friday... --sigh--

A: I didn't read about the roses! Now I see where you were going with her. I connected with her need to be perfect, her ability to submit to God's will, and (frankly) that she was the youngest of sisters.

I don't want to flatter you too outrageously but somehow you remind me of her....or vice versa....Let's say in personality, not necessarily in sanctity.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> ....You both seem like people who try hard to be perfect but also can be very fun and flirty and then switch suddenly to heart-rending sincerity.

It seems strange to call such a mighty saint a flirt...but come on! Leaving roses when she performs miracles? What else can I call it?

Sainte Therese, priez pour moi....

On Doubt....

"For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face; now I know in part; but then shall I know even as I am also known." 1 Cor 13:12

We pass through periods of strength, when our beliefs seem utterly certain and unshakeable. We can feel with utmost certainty that God loves us, His Providence watches over us, and His Christ has redeemed us, etc., and this strong faith is a great comfort and a joy. But we will also pass through doubt. All the certainty can vanish. We can look in pain on a universe in which He seems utterly absent and we ourselves abandoned.

Faith can be considered in two ways. In one way faith is your feelings of confidence, belief, and trust in God. Doubts are the opposite of those feelings. But in another way, Faith is a virtue, by which we stick to what we have decided we believe, even in the period of doubt, when our feelings of confidence or even our convictions of the truth are gone.

In your case, the feeling of confidence in your ability to save your M is wavering, so you're trying harder to "believe." That's Faith-as-feeling. Faith-as-virtue means keeping up the Plan A/B strategy despite a feeling that your M is doomed, because when you had more hopeful feelings you decided this was the best strategy to save your M.

Don't worry about the doubts. We're always fluctuating. The strong, good feelings of faith pass and are replaced by doubts and then come again. Doubt is not a threat to your relationship with God unless you despair, which is when you completely abandon faith-as-virtue and hope. If you soldier on, with doubts in your heart, no longer able to feel God's support, but striving to do what you think He wants, the faith-as-feeling usually returns. Whereas trying to pray "harder" and believe "more strongly" to regain the feelings is a waste of time. Just keep presenting the doubts in prayer -- "Lord, I believe, help Thou my unbelief." He will, eventually.

Wow ! You did that ? You're impressive, Mimi.

Talk about a 2x4!

A: you charmer... Hey, religious are just people, too, right? My aunt is a Sister of Mercy, and she and the other Sisters can whoop it up with the best of them. I made a conscious decision I am just going to say, "Thank you," with a sincere smile when someone gives me a compliment. So...thank you, A. (I'm smiling)

A report on this evening's activities:
I had left a VM for WH this afternoon inviting him to come over for some soup and to watch 24 (which starts tonight...we Netflixed the first two seasons and were quite into it at one time). I told him we could watch it in the attic--just like we always planned.

Of course, he didn't even call to say no thanks, so I just packed up some soup and some freshly baked oatmeal cookies (apparently his new favs??) to bring over to the house. (I included a slightly suggestive card from me.) The boys and I arrived and the house and his truck was there but no sign of WH or the dog...so he must be out taking her for a walk. The back door was open so we waltzed in and I put the bag o' goodies on the counter. The boys decided they wanted to make a card for dad, so they ran into the other room to get paper ("To Dad, from your family," they wrote). As I was standing there waiting, I noticed that the roses are still in the man vase, and the picture/"Birches" poem that I had taped to the door yesterday is now stuck on one of the kitchen cabinets.

So I'm guessing RT hasn't been by...they must be using her place for their den of iniquity.

Are you ever going to give out your soup recipe?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

And....Thanks, Father A.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Which one of our favs: beefy vegetable, pasta fagoli, or chicken and wild rice?

Yummy - they all sound good. Your soup stories always sound so homey and comfortable. I love soup, but very few people make it nowdays.