Sis
was WH (or H) in court to support you?

Pep

I would write a similar letter about how awful RT has made your life and, then, give her letter and yours to your WH. Do this with a witness standing there so RT cannot claim you sent it to her. Make sure in your letter to your WH, you start out by saying, "Enclosed is a copy of the letter your adultery mate sent to me via the court system, regarding how awful I have made her - emphasis added - life. I am giving you a copy in the event you had not seen it. In fact, I would hope you had not seen it because I know that, if you had, you would have stopped her from sending it given how awful she has made mine and our sons lives by stealing our husband and father from us. Then, go into all the ways your lives have been destroyed.

I would also share her letter with you IL's - ALL of them, not just MIL and FIL.

Regards,

Brit's Brat

I'm with MEDC - this will be a major hurdle, even when they get to recovery.

In my case, D-day, the cheating, lying and coldness wasn't the end of the marriage. It was all the other things that my husband "allowed" OW to do to me. I completely lost respect for him. And even if there is still some love, loss of respect for your husband is the end.

We can go on all day about this sleazy OW, but in the end, LilSis' husband is allowing this stuff to happen.

I have never seen a defendant that was able to get a copy of the victims court letter. If Lilsis has one... this should become one of the things that she uses for exposure. It is written by RT and presented in open court... so there is no worry about her using this against Lilsis later on. I would doubt she walked out of court with that letter in hand though. One could only hope.

If Lil Sis did not get a copy, she should be able to get one by going to the clerk of court's office and pulling the file. It should be in there. If it is not, she could make an open records request under her state's open records law which should get her a copy.

Regards,

BB

Doesnt' it become public record unless a judge seals it? Or are "victim" (term used loosely here <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />) letters different?

LilSis, you have behaved with such class (except for the one moment of temporary insanity which ANY jury of your peers would have acquitted you of). You should be proud. And though it probably hurts to think that she could write a letter like that when SHE is the one doing all the damage, remember, she is a who*e and has no morals or scruples.

You are awesome.

You ultimately will be the one with the power to decide what you want- or if you want- in this marriage.

Okay...I'm back. I was really a wreck there for a while, but better now. I think the anxiety and apprehension that had been building just overcame me once it was over.

Actually, as MEDC noted, the sentence was about as good as could be expected. The judge and pre-sentence officer (who makes the recommendation) both knew the circumstances. The judge has obviously had WH appear in front of him before, and I knew him casually from a previous job...so he was as understanding as could be...said he never would have expected this from either of us. So the sentence is okay...I can live with it (oh, I also had to pay $735 in court costs but oh well...that's the least of it.).

What REALLY affected me was the letter. I wish I could share it with you but they wouldn't give me a copy; I only got to read it (so did my mom). I just didn't need it. My emotions were high and it was a blow. In the letter, RT went on for two pages, single spaced, about how she now lives her life in fear, how angry she is that she had to LIE to her children about what happended (that was probably the best one), about how now she has to lock her doors, about how she has to conceal her car when she is at work, about how I tried to get her fired (apparently when I exposed to the owner of the cafe), about how have disparaged her to acquaintences, about how she fears to go for a walk at night, etc. She also claimed that she had seen me three blocks from her home. WHEN???? I have not gone NEAR her since that night (Oct.11), and have taken extreme precautions to stay away from her. SHE CHOOSES TO WORK A BLOCK AWAY. HOW SCARED CAN SHE BE???

Of course, NO WHERE in the letter does RT indicate her remose for what she did to me...or even allude to the fact that she sleeping with my husband. It was as if she were some random person I plucked out of the crowd to terrorize.

The whole thing was absurd. Just absurd...I say this now...but it was still a blow when it happened.

As soon as I got home I called MIL in a sobbing heap...she began crying, too...saying RT "has sealed her fate." She was so upset. We didn't talk long because I needed to get to DS8's school.

I HAVE FOUND SOME COMFORT TO TAKE FROM THIS: RT has totally revealed herself to be the conniving, vindictive, dispicable person that she is. That is her TRUTH. Now it is right there for everyone to see, even WH, if he ever chooses to look. My best friend (whom I also called right away) was blown away. It is truly amazing to us that RT would be so bold. My friend said that anyone with ANY SENSE who has done what she has done would crawl under a rock...not put herself out there with claims of injustice. It's a joke. My best friend is so strong, so steady. You do not ever want to be on her bad side, and if she's on your side, count yourself lucky. She is most definately on my side.

After I did my volunteer thing this morning at DS8's school, I called MIL back...more settled this time. She was so loving, so on my side, called RT "evil, no other word." She and FIL love me as much as if they had given birth to me.

I have decided that by tonight, I will be laughing at how RIDICULOUS that letter was...how only a crazy person with no morals, no shame would write such a thing.

MY ONE QUESTION that I don't even know if I want to know the answer to: did WH read the letter? My gut says he did, but that would really hurt to know that was true. To do that to me, the woman he married, who comforted me when my dad was dying, who held my hand while I gave birth to our two children...for him to support this effort to harm me...I just....

I can't go there. Hurts.

Thanks for your prayers everyone. I'm off to see my therapist....that will feel good.

[/quote]IMHO... today would have been day 1 of plan B if my spouse wasn't there supporting me.[/quote]

I agree completely. I've been reading here for a long time and this has got to be the cruelest and most outrageous situation I think I've ever seen, probably because it's so very callous and cold-blooded on your WH's part.

Not to mention the extreme cowardice (yes, I said COWARDICE on the part of a POLICE OFFICER) who is so whipped by his girlfriend that he'll let his wife and the mother of his children go to jail, get dragged into court and punished so his girlfriend won't be mad at him.

I've seen a lot of cruel things on here but this one really does outstink them all.

What are you going to do?
Mulan

Lilsis... I want to just take you under my wing and make this all go away for you... I am sure everyone here feels the same. You can bet that your H saw that letter. There is NO WAY that he would not.... he is just as terrible as RT in all of this.... if not more. I feel for you as a BW... but more so, I feel for you as a person that I have come to care about on these boards.. ..You deserve better than this and need to DEMAND better than this.... Plan A is great for most circumstances but this is another example where I think the Harleys are off. I cannot wrap my mind around any good that will come out of you continuing to win back a man that frankly isn;t worth it at this point. Look what he allowed to happen to his W...and his children. THIS WAS THE MOTHER OF HIS CHILDREN IN COURT TODAY. Forget about the HO for a minute. Would it have really mattered one bit to you today if you got this sentence IF your H was there by your side... focused on your future together and remorseful for HIS actions that led to that. That would be something to build on. What HE allowed today is, IMHO.... unforgivable.
I am sorry for you. Happy at the outcome... but please... before you go back to the panty, rose... hugs and kisses on the neck Plan A... ask yourself if this is how you will gain his respect? If my child did this to his W... I would NOT SPEAK TO HIM until he made things right with his family.
Hugs.

((((((LisSis))))))

Ditto Brit's Brat's letter to WH idea...I think it would be good for him to see in black and white the sharp contrast of just who the REAL VICTIM is here...Address all of the "points" raised in her letter with counterpoints of steel...

You are such a person of integrity, determination and grace...You awe me...

Pep...Not sure if it is appropriate for this time in LilSis's thread, but I remember reading your words to BobPure about getting Squid to pray with him...If you think it's applicable, could you please share that here???

I can tell you that a big turning point for us, was when I walked in on Mr. W on his knees in prayer...IMO, much of this is a spiritual battle...

Mrs. W<~~~still praying for you Sis <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

LiLSis,

As you can see by the posts, you have become everyone's little sister on these boards! We are all feeling and acting very protective of you, because we care.

IMHO, if WH wasn't there and/or supported RT in anyway with this action, I would go to plan B. That being said, it isn't happening to me or anyone else on these boards, it is happening to you. You and your sons are the only one that matters with this. If you decide that this is it, enough is enough, we all will support you. If you decide that you can still continue with Plan A, we will support you. As you can see, the support is behind you, not your decisions.

Hang in there, at least this hurdle has been jumped over, and you're still standing.

A victim letter to the court will not be available as part of the public record. Lilsis cannot obtain a copy.

She should make notes now from memory so she can quote from the letter.

I would agree with an immediate Plan B, except for one thing: this A has been going on so long I think that extends the ideal timetable for Plan A, in order to make an impact.

He was so indifferent to her, and is starting to become less so. In the face of such progress, I still think that to dislodge an A of several years that more is better, as long as the time is limited. Which I have every confidence it will be.

If she went into Plan B now, I think she would probably recover her M, but I think her Plan B will end up being more effective and probably shorter by hooking him a bit more firmly.

I recognize that we all care about LilSis and want to see the pain end, or at least diminish, as quickly as possible.

The OW in this sitch is appropriately described as cunning and manipulative in the title of this topic.

Lil Sis please take care of yourself. My heart goes out to you. There is no way I would be able to continue Plan A'ing knowing that my WH is in support of the person who caused my angst. Yes, your WH is in the fog, but my question at this point to SH would be how will Plan A help this point? Will it reinforce the idea to your WH that you are really okay and willing to accept this kind of treatment. I would probably call SH again and let him know the latest. If your WH was not there to support you one can only assume that he is supporting the OW. I would have a hard time swallowing that...and it would definitely affect my ability to Plan A effectively. Please, consider how you are really feeling inside, and don't discount or suppress your feelings and emotions...Sometimes you have to get angry, and what happened to you today is worth being angry. Your WH should have been there in support of you. I am still rooting for you and hoping for the best. Please consider your emotional well being before continuing Plan A.

Hugs to you and well wishes!

YES
Mulan

LilSis, I can so relate to this and my situation was not nearly as traumatic as yours is. When my WH moved out, my 19yo DD signed OW up for all kinds of spam email...using name and address and phone number, (all public record stuff), no SS# or any credit disturbing information. Well the day after the spam started, OW calls my WH and tells him she is filing a police report against ME!!! for identity fraud or something because she claimed her credit is now ruined because "someone" signed her up for spam. I didn't even know anything about it until the police called to let me know there is a complaint being filed right then against me! I never even had a traffic ticket before. I called WH and asked him and he told me he knew she was going to do it, and had told her to do whatever she thought was best. How do you like that. They really suck. Later he told OW that it was not me but he threw his own daughter under the bus. Nothing was filed against DD, thank god. And OW credit was fine, she never even changed her email address, so how much spam could it have been?

This whole incident really sticks with me and I am having a very hard time getting past it. We have been in recovery for 4 months and it is not going very well due to this incident and a couple of other acts of disloyalty by WH to me and the kids. Medc is correct.....he should have been by your side or at least submitted a letter countering the false negatives. The resentment from this will carry over for a long time for you.

your memory is extraordinary

if Sis can get WH to pray ~with~ her I'd be ultra surprized

what may be effective is if she can get the boys to pray with her ~for~ Daddy

make that a daily prayer holding hands with the boys "Let's pray for Daddy, he is feeling lost"

too much?

Pep

((((LilSis))))

~ Marsh

Oh... here's one thing you can do that is perfectly legal. Call the IRS... give her name, address, place of employment...etc. Let them know you have firsthand knowledge that she has under reported her income... they love this with waitresses... and over reported her charitable contributions. At the very least this will create a bis hassle for her and could get her audited. And.... YOU don't need to give your name.

Also, you would be surprised at how easy it is to have water service, phone service, electric and trash service discontinued with just a phone call. It is childish...but it feels good to make trouble for the OW... and anything you can do to make her life miserable is good.

Stop at a local Barnes and Noble.... pick out 20 of the sleaziest magazines and get the subscription card... send them to her home and place of employement in her name.... you don;t pay anything upfront... but hey.... again... it can be a form of venting for you!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

medc -- she JUST got out of court....really? this is your advice?