MEDC, I like your style.

Let me brainstorm a couple of other things to do. You can have a male friend mark up some bathroom stalls with "for a good time call RT @ 555-4444."

If you could get a copy of the letter, I like my idea of wiping your *ss with it and leaving it on her lawn.

There is the whole "wh*re-bombing" thing we talked about.

Telling your story to the local paper might work, as well as a classified add detailing what a wh*re RT is.

Maybe you could join or call up a Southern Baptist church and get them to go picket her house. They have no problem telling certain people that they're going to he11. I think that she would be a prime candidate.

MEDC, you shouldn't have even gotten me started.

I advise against anything that creates...

~drama~

Affairs thrive on drama...I bet LS is getting blamed for the middle east issues at present...along with any other fuel they can find real or imagined.

Drama allows ow to say...oh poor me...look what your wicked pathetic bs did to me...she doesn't understand our love...blah blah etc etc.

I advise aim for letting affairsville become BO-ring...but painfull...real...and uncomfortable.

I also advise not to allow them to compromise your dignity...because even when WS plays the blame game...unless they really are just a worthless [email]b@st@rd...they[/email] know it's a lie.

quote]A victim letter to the court will not be available as part of the public record. Lilsis cannot obtain a copy.

She should make notes now from memory so she can quote from the letter. [/quote]

I just spent a considerable amount of time reviewing Michigan statues and caselaw. Let me first make this disclaimer - I am not licensed to practice law in the state in which Lil' Sis lives, this should not be construed as legal advice and she should consult an attorney with regard to interpretation of the law in her state). Now with that out of the way, there are instances where a victim's impact statement such as this would not be subject to disclosure under Michigan's FOIA. (Those instances involve keeping identities and addresses confidential). HOWEVER, I in my opinion (there are very strong arguments why this is not one of those instances given Lil Sis was permitted to read the letter, knows who wrote it and knows where she lives. The presumption is in favor of disclosure. At a minimum, I would make the request and see if its denied. Several years ago I represented a large municipality several hundred miles from where Lil' Sis is and would handle information requests under my then state's open records law. That state, in which I am licensed, and that in which Lil' Sis lives have very similar laws as the are right next to each other. Basis my experience, I think she would stand a good chance of getting the letter - especially if she retained an attorney to make the request for her. Also, if it was read in open court, it would have been recorded by the Court Reporter and Lil' Sis could just pay for a copy of the transcript and, wala, she'd have the letter's text.

Regards,

BB

Lil sis I think you are starting to recognize her behavior as so, completely over the top, outrageous and ridiculous that it does not even deserve your attention. It will be impossible to block the letter from memory – but at least now you see how truly sick she is.

Your WH will eventually get similar treatment from her. This is her MO. It will appear again.

My WxH’s OW was of a similar nature. And they both had ties to law enforcement. She kept getting her lawyer to launch letters to her STBX about keeping “womanoffaith” away from their minor children (I never met their children)

When she broke off their R, within the week that he moved out, he was served with a restraining order, at work – in front of all his co-workers. She had gone to a different county, where neither of them lived or worked, and filed a restraining order against him for “stalking her”. It was false – but she knew the court clerk in this other county – so she was able to push it through. You would say, “who cares about a restraining order – they broke up anyway”. The restraining order specifically prohibited him from having ANY guns. He had to get rid of his hunting rifles (sent them to his brothers house) until he could fight the restraining order. And he had to fight it in a hurry, because he was going hunting with our son in just 1 month. If he didn’t get the order cancelled, he would not be able to YS hunting. That hunting trip was very important to YS because he was going to spend time with Dad, alone. That Ho had attacked him in the way she had attacked everyone else who crossed her. It had come back to haunt him.

On the day that he went to court to fight her, he brought at least 12 friends and co-workers to back him up. She showed up with no one, except her hired attorney. She saw his group of supporters, whispered to her lawyer, and left. Her lawyer approached my WxH and said, “she decided to drop the restraining order. I will let the judge know”. Meanwhile, WxH was out $3000 in attorney’s fees, and suffered major humiliation in front of his peers.

Can you see what is going to happen to your WH? Someday, this R will fall apart. It is completely doomed. This outrageous behavior is further proof of that. She is a lunatic. And then what will happen? If she sees your H walking down the street in front of her coffee shop she will come up with another 2-page letter to the court about how he is stalking her. I predict she will be looking for another cop – perhaps one that does not come with so much baggage. She will play the victim to another cop, until she can win him over, and then your WH will be no longer necessary for her.

Your WH’s lack of integrity is appalling. But some day, he will wake up. And he will be horrified at what he has done, and what he has allowed to happen.
The question then will be – will you be at all interested in helping him pick up the pieces?

James 5:19-20
My brothers, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring him back, remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of his way will save him from death and cover over a multitude of sins.

Personally, I wasn’t able to help my WxH (he took up with another married woman right away). But I pray that your H would not harden his heart completely. That he will some day be plucked from the pit of ****** he is currently in.

well, if she can get it, I am in favor of her doing so. As far as Noodle and removing drama... yep... I agree with you... but sometimes people need to vent.

As far as Lexxy... I'm not sure I understand your question... but nothing I would suggest would put her back in court. I just want to see the OW stressed out... and perhaps her stress will be taken out on Lilsis's H. My advice to her was in the previous posts though to go into Plan B. I think that was very clear.

Noodle... you make good points. They are hard to argue against. But I just have it in me to see this HO get what is coming to her. : )

As usual, I agree with Noodle.

"Poor, poor me" gets tiring after awhile, too. Let her carp and moan about the same stuff to wh. Don't give NEW stuff to whine about. After she does it consistantly for awhile, wh will probably want to stick a pencil in his eye before he hears it from her some more. Let HER become the broken record.

You keep being the WonderGoddes W/No Knickers.

Okay?

You're doing great LilSis. You really are. I wish I had had your aplomb ...

- Kimmy

It will MEDC...I promise. I know this with all my being.

Whether or not OW is bright enough to understand why the bus hit her is another matter...but she WILL GET IT!

Brit's Brat RAWKS!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. W

MEDC,

Personally if it were feasable I have no problems with a BS "negotiating" a la baseball bat with either OP or WS or both [in no particular order].

Buuuuuuut...it's not. So go with what works.

Drama fuels affairs...if anything of the sort happened they would blame LS whether she had anything to do with it or not...and he would tack that to the bottom of his list of rationalizations and justifications why it is ok to be doing what he knows is wrong.

[quote]I predict she will be looking for another cop – perhaps one that does not come with so much baggage.[quote]

BINGO! Having worked for a large municipality and represented its very large police force, I can tell you this first hand. You do not know how many times I'd see a woman with one married cop and then another and another and another....disgusting.

Regards,

BB

I'm sure Sis won't get distracted enough to carry out MEDC and JM's hilarious suggestions. She is way better than that, but I know I was not better enough to be above a good snicker. (Ok, I admit it, it was a belly laugh.)

It was a guffaw here...and proud of it.

Where was MEDC when I was mad at VD???

(sigh)

But like I said...the STOW WILL get hers...I don't doubt it...it's just a cryin' shame that we don't always get to SEE it.

I'm listening everyone. You are getting a smile or two out of me...but mostly I'm just processing what everyone is saying. The issue of WH's role in this is really unknown...as my therapist reminded me. I can speculate all I want, but we don't know for sure WHAT his role was or WHAT knowledge he had about the content of the letter.

My therapist also pointed out..."Does it really matter? What you DO know is that he is deeply involved with a woman who is CAPABLE of that."

So a big questions is what all did WH know about the letter. He had the opportunity to write something and did not. That could be either good and bad...he could have written a letter supportive of me OR one supportive of her. Either way, he chose to do nothing.

Do I ask MIL to ask him point blank?

Or do I ask him myself?

Or do I not want to know (right now)?

I kinda feel like not knowing right now is best. I still feel like I'm reeling a little. It's been quite a day, and not the best time to make any big decisions, and not a good time for any additional loop-de-loops in the rollercoaster. I need to get grounded again.

Another thought: do I ask MIL/FIL to challenge WH on this...i.e.; "This has gone on long enough...RT is clearly a dispicable, manipulative, decietful woman and you have ALLOWED HER TO HARM YOUR WIFE and mother of your children. No matter what your feelings are about your marriage, you are currently married, have children together, and have a long history of love and compassion. To allow someone to INFLICT INTENTIONAL PAIN on someone you once cared for deeply enough to marry (and by default, also inflict pain on your children) is INDEFENSIBLE. You have gone TOO FAR. You need to stop committing adultery AT ONCE in order to prevent her from further harming your wife, your children, us, and you." Yada, yada, yada...

Just processing...thinking...please no one try to push me into anything right now or press any one course of action too hard...it is a lot to absorb and I need to find my own way.

Time...patience....peace. Keep praying for me, okay?

>Keep praying for me, okay?


That's a gimmie sweetie.

- Kimmy

Incidentally:

Attacks on the BS reputation and/or cred are pretty much par for the course. Something that your FWS can make amends for presuming he gets that far.

I can recall now without drawing blood one particularly hurtfull rumor started by the rejected batch of former "friends" that one of our children was not Hs.

We had two children at the time and I was pregnant with number three.

I found out when I met some random unrelated shmoe at a dinner who later asked a mutual friend...isn't that so and so's wife? Which one of the children is from HER affair.

See it was the matter of factness that stung the most. This guy wasn't involved or trying to besmirch my good name [lol] he was just curious as it was an accepted common belief that *I* had an affair and that one of our childrern was the product of it.

One of the few moments of true speechlessness I admit. Just openned my mouth..sputtered...scratched my head and shut it again.

What did I say to FWH?

"Fix it."

I'm going to push you into not doing anything right now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

It is time for you to soothe yourself.

IMO, your WH's role or lack of it is irrelevant in the long run. What he has done in this court thing, even in a worst case scenario, is (to me anyway) not worse than boinking another woman while married to you. If you can forgive him for the one, you can forgive him for the other.

Resentment is another issue entirely: you will resent him like crazy for this later, but if you are in recovery it is just one more hurdle.

Even if at some point you speed up your Plan B, it should not be reactionary. You need to do it because it is the right thing to do, and not because he did something really asinine. (I like that word cuz it sounds naughty but isn't.)

Not yet, but very soon, if it were me I would begin getting the ducks lines up for Plan B anyway.

My Plan B was reactionary in a way, I guess, but I was only a day or two from implementing it anyway, so when he ran my Love Bank down to fumes a trifle prematurely, I was still able to act quickly because most of the preparation had been done. (I just had Neaksis help me really quick to get the house in apple pie order and make sure his laundry was all clean for easy packing.)

One word of warning though, and why you shouldn't get ready too soon, either, is I think you will get short-timers syndrome. Surely I am not the only one. Once you're all the way ready, it will be very hard to keep going, and you will crave the rest and peace of Plan B with everything in you.

Not too soon, not too late. I think you will know exactly when you reach that place.

Don't put words in MIL's mouth, and don't muzzle her. She is doing such a super job already! If she asks you for advice on what to say, just encourage her to express her feelings. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> It's not healthy to keep so much spleen bottled up, right?

If it were me, I would also back up a few days and rest from Plan A, unless you have interactions with him anyway, and try to keep those short. In a day or two or three, whenever you have built your strength back up, then start thinking of nice things to do again. Don't worry or plan too much right now. Just relax.

Honestly, the best thing you can do right now is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
those two expect you to come after them. The OW is waiting for you to call, or show up at her work.
Your silence will totally throw her off.
She will not be able to sleep at night worrying what you are up to. Your WH too. He is thinking about this ALL THE TIME right now - I have no doubt. He is wondering if you will quit bringing him flowers. And when he doesn't get any for awhile he will worry that you are finally done with him.

he thinks that you will call him up, crying and begging him to come home. and when you don't call, he wonders why.

OW thinks she was looking over her shoulder before? when she doesn't hear anything from you, or see you, she will look over her shoulder even more, wondering when you are finally going to "retaliate".But when you do nothing, after awhile, the drama dies down, and she looks around, and realizes that this is all there is. This is her life now. Just her, your WH, no money, no "excitement", nothing else. Just this life. And it will be way to boring for her.

I am smiling just thinking about it.

Seriously - I suspect she has all ready started talking to one of the other cops that has been working on your "case" with her.

???

a "gimmie"

Pep

Duh DER Pep!

A gimmie...a freebie...no problemo cos I was gonna do it whether you asked or not....

Sheesh!

I'll bet SUSAN knows what a gimmie is.

HA!

Want to add that after the false police report about me by OW and knowing WH gave her the green light, I went immediately into plan FU. This is when things started to turn around for us. I can tell you that I still think about HIS involvement and HIS inability to keep HIS wife safe. It really isn't about her actions, it is about his inaction.

I went back and reread the original post in this thread and have to comment on the part where your WH collapsed and cried when he heard of your arrest. I would definately share with him what was in the 2 page single spaced letter written by RT. Share it in a way that shows how completely baffled you were upon reading it and ask him if he knew in advance anything about this horrendous letter. Maybe he doesn't realize what she had done and it can plant the seed of what she is capable of. However, I still think he should have gone with you to court even if he didn't know about the letter, considering he is familiar with court proceedings and the bench. There is no reason why he could not have been supportive of someone going to court, even if it was as a friend, fog or no fog. That is why he would get the FU plan from me now. If he knew about the letter, or had an idea about it, then screw him and move on until he wakes up. You deserve better.