Noodle... did I say Lilsis should be ashamed of herself. Do you see that in my post anywhere?

Same thing here. Sorry. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
and i know a few WW's who lie thru their teeth....it's crazy.

I'll be the judge of my self-respect thank you, and I respect myself a great deal. You've read my whole thread. You know what I've been through...but you know what? You are just READING about it. I've friggin' LIVED it. And the fact that I can go through this, and still be here stringing together coherent sentences AND be a good mom to two young boys AND fight for my my marriage and my family....

I not only respect myself, I am proud of myself. My head is high. And I will thank you to refrain from trying to drag it down.

LET ME BE CLEAR: I am his WIFE. SF between us COULD NEVER EVER BE CHEATING. But if WH experiences it as such, if it confuses him more, or if it brings chaos into A-land, well then....too stinking bad.

I told you to close your eyes....

Rant over.

I think Lilsis should do what is right for her... I am just giving her an opinion... not telling her.. shame on you Lilsis, you are a bad person.

YOU USED THE WORD CHEAT LILSIS!!

good rant <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Look, I am doing no good to this thread. I will take my leave now. I am tired of defending my opinions here and it only takes away from Lilsis' thread.
Good luck to you Lilsis.

ya know, i agree w/ a lot tha tyou hav eto say but you are one of the most judgemental people i have ever encountered.

and
you said that it's a shame that LilSis's self respect has dropped so much that she would feel that way.

to me that sounds like you were saying she should be ashamed of herself.

and what did you intend w/your ..."Very classy statement" comment?
Did you intend to insult me? it sounded that way.
were you trying to point out that YOU are morally superior?
why do think that?is it because you don't have a sex drive??
are you saying I am classless because I do?
that I should be ashamed of myself for that?
can you explain?

Thanks, pep and nia. At least I know (again) that I'm not alone in this club, either. Why it hurts now is because I'm sure that's how he feels about RT. That the thought of "cheating" on her makes him sick.

It's that yucky reality...WH is IN LOVE WITH ANOTHER WOMAN.

(Although I'll just throw this one out there...MIL refuses to acknowlege that...she says, "That is NOT love. Love is a gift from God and God would never have anything to do with THAT relationship.")

This is the last word down this rabbit hole. I DID use the word "cheat" but it was tongue in cheek, and I TOLD YOU TO CLOSE YOUR EYES BECAUSE I KNEW YOU WOULD FREAK!!

Have you considered sharing some of your reading/study/edjumacatin' about the difference between "love" and "in love" and also the love bank analogy with MIL?

I wonder if she mightn't be a good ally for slipping doubt darts about the affair by recognizing the "in love" with a "so what" sort of approach.

We can't creat sanctity around "in love" [which she accidentally does by denying it and running from it] without also supporting his affair.

He IS "in love"..saying he isn't feels like a lie. He needs to be shown truth.

OK...you are "in love"...so what, welcome to life fasten your seatbelt.

you know, Sis, I've been in recovery 11 years now

you will not always feel this way about your H and this awful affair

I think it is super if you need to spew some venom to do it on MB boards, please feel free

my H was head-over-heels in love with skanky OW
he wrote the most dopey love letter I ever read (actually, I never read it myself, I had OM's H read it to me over the phone)

the stupid waywards say crap like

"No one will ever understand our love for each other. It's too special for others to understand." ... what are they? 12 or 13 years old?

my H said "We belong together , like peas and carrots" <~~~ stolen from Forrest Gump ... a movie he saw with ME sitting next to him, then he wrote that line in a love letter to OW....<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />


so, your H is "in love" with ratturd ... this is the way they all feel

it's chitty but it's common as dirt

don't feel your H is the only man who was madly in love with OW

just not true

Pep

So what, you used the word cheat, but most of us knew exactly what you were saying.

I'm sure the MOW in my marriage thought the fact that H was still having sex with me was cheating. Blew her dullard mind. It was my instinctive Plan A that stopped Husband from leaving.

LilSis - Don't worry - he will come around knocking. My WH was just like yours - wanted to be "faithful" to OW. Why, I don't know, since he was doing us both before I found out.

He wouldn't even hold my hand, or hardly speak to me. But that changed when I went into Plan A. So be prepared to protect yourself. Mine just showed up one night when I least expected it.

I know he's not the only one...no way I'm that "special." Me saying that is me reminding myself that WH's "in love-ness" is the reality that I'm facing. I can't afford to underestimate that bond.

Good point about love vs. in love. MIL is all over this...she recommended Road Less Traveled to me, which I thin does a great job with that issue. But MIL is feeling her waning influence on WH. He is very defensive with her because he knows that she is on "my side." I can suggest the "so what" response, though. It's a good one.

I am one too afraid of STD's to go that route knowingly, but you have to make your own decision.

For a while, though, I didn't know that WH had started back up with OW, so we were sharing....

And SH advised me to let the OW KNOW that we had been sharing (once I found out).

He said that the thought that he might be cheating on her or lying to her or keeping information from her or whatever was a good way to shake things up.

I know Mimi has said to keep this a sneak attack for now, so I don't know if this would be a good plan for you or not. But it might not hurt for her to have the impression that things are very cozy with you and your H, and that he might not be giving her the entire story.

Maybe your *real* last panty caper could be the hidden-in-his-car-for-her-to-find one....

(I'd run that past the pro's, first, though).

-Ami.

Yes,

I would expect him to withdraw from his anyone who will not only not support but actively work against his affair.

That actually works in your favor in the long run.

Works on the principle of SACRIFICE.

Was he close to his mother and father?

Will it cost him his close relationship with them to carry onhis affair?

Then it is sacrifice.

We all know how sacrifice works against relationships by creating resentment.

I say...carry on, this couldn't be a more fortunate set up....because the "in love" dopamine is GOING to wane while the sacrifice will NOT..he will miss them more and more and begin to compare his waning lust with her INFAVORABLY with what he has sacrificed to have it satisfied.

The real question will be at that point...is LS still willing to recover or will that door have closed?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

If I lived nearby ...

I'd personally arrange (pay) a handsome young man (actor) to flirt with OW and buy her drinks and woo her ...

just a passing fancy of mine I thought I'd share ... meaningless as it is <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Thanks, AmI. I really don't think SF is imminent, however. Makes me sad to think that, though, because I believe it would be the ultimate A bomb.

Yes, WH is VERY close to his parents, especially his mom. And his brother...(the one he spent no time with over Christmas)

When you look at it all objectively, OF COURSE this A will end. But in the midst of it, that is hard, so hard to believe...and even harder to believe that it will happen in time to save the M.