And I'm outta here for awhile..

I'm sure you guys will take good care of Sis...

((((SIS)))))

Lexxxy:

Are you going to watch the "Great American Race" Tommmorrow?

Or,

Since you drive'em, why watch'em?

Cause that is cool!

LG

Mimi, did you get the you-tube thingy I sent?

I'm off to go volunteer for breast cancer research

if you want to talk to me, come to the mall ... right in front of Pottery Barn ... Susan Koman Race for the Cure sign up day !!!

Pep

help.

I can't even talk. Just tell me I'll be okay. Please don't even ask. But I didn't murder him or do anything illegal. Just stupid. Pretty much FU

Please no 2x4s I cried a gallon today. and still am

And I'm alone now for the rest of the night. The two people I can call about this are away now.

We're here for you and we will listen when you are ready to talk.

Please take care of yourself tonight.

You'll be OK.

I'm sure you didn't blow it.

You're just being hard on yourself.

We've all been so worried about you.

(((Lilsis)))

~ Marsh

Just soft shoulders.

we're here for you...no matter what.

Standing in your corner ALWAYS!

~ Marsh

Just keep me from calling him and continuing on, And I know the answers so PLEASE don't tell me. I just need to say them here so I don't say them to him Again.

what did i do to deserve this?
Why is your "happiness" worth inflicting pain on everyone around you, including me and your children
How can you stand there and watch me in so much pain and do nothing say nothing
"Who can come get you" MY HUSBAND, DAMN YOU. Where is he? He would never have let me be hurt this way.

I know. I'm so so so sorry everyone. I'm a mess.

Please don't make me recount it. It was awful and it was all my fault. I dropped off the roses and he made some really biting and cruel remark and I just lost it. I fell apart. After the FOC thing, the mud flap, the dog thing, my parent's anniversary (missing my dad) V-day, B-day, all this crap. It was just the last straw.

And I know it isan't as bad as many of you have experienced. So I feel guilty for even complaining about it. And I feel guilty for not being able to cope with it.

It's too much. I think I'm giving up. I don't see any hope. All my work has been for nothing. He clearly thinks NOTHING of me. NOTHING. I know yu all mean well, but his face. It's just a cold, hard mask. He'll hold me if I cry, and tears come to his eyes, but it's not because of anything.....

my mrrige was just a lie. His tenderenss when my dad died was just a lie. his vows were just a lie. who is this man?

I'm sorry. I'm just bawling. i can type better than I can write, because I couldn't write now.

LS --

Don't worry, really. We've all been there, done that. Just stay here with us until you start to feel better.

You never responded to the suggestions that now is a good time to do a reality check with Dr. H. What say you?
Shellybird

it doesn't sound so bad...

Take some deep breaths...

You are going to be fine. YOU are going to be fine.
He might not be, but you are coming through this a stronger better person -- he is not. He's probably not worthy of you. But you're giving him that chance.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{Sis}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I'm crying with you, if it makes any difference. In my heart, I believe he is crying too.


You said his face was a "mask". You used that term for a reason. You will understand why later.

SB

Lil Sis,
Dry your eyes and go make a nice cup of something hot.

Maybe the time has come to go ahead and write the complete Plan B letter.

Get started on it and post it here for critique. Get all your ducks in a row and when he brings the boys home tomorrow it can be taped to the door for him or can be handed to him by the person you have asked to be your go-between.

I know lots of folks have been telling you about books to read. I'd like to add another one to your list. It is Facing your Giants by Max Lucado.

Lots and lots of people are praying for you. There is always hope with God. Give today over to Him. He is really good at cleaning up after us.

hang in there, Lil Sis.

{{{{{{{{LilSis}}}}}}}}

Lex is right. It doesn't sound so bad.

It will be okay. YOU will be okay.

Have you talked to your MIL?

I love that!

And it is SOOOO true!

ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR GOOD TO THOSE THAT LOVE HIM!

Lilsis, you have no idea how your WH is feeling right now.

I'm w/ School bus...he's crying too.

~ Marsh

I know that's true lex. I will be okay...in theory. I have come through so much that I can't believe anything can defeat me. As bad as it's gotten I have always managed to pull myself up. but this feels close. this feels bad. I'm alone. dammit.

more sad, actually, is that my H is lost. He was such a good man. a golden boy. intelligent, caring, honorable. He is dead now. The world lost him and it doesn't even know. My boys lost that and they will never know. i grieve him alone, because there is this man walking around who looks just like him and sounds just like him and has the same name. but it's not him it's nowhere near him.

Sooooooooo sorry your heart is hurting so much.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Where is your BF?

This is why you take YOUR temperature...YOUR energy level.

Because all this giving to a non-responsive (or WORSE) bitter (or WORSE) unhappy (or WORSE) person takes a TOLL on you. And then add in all those events you mentioned.

Yikes. Any normal person would be at the breaking point.

And the breaking point may not be bad Sis. Remember how he said "hurt you again"? Maybe now he sees that he's hurting you STILL....

I feel you all around me. I really do.

I posted a letter yesterday. Maybe someone could doctor it up for me and make it a real plan b letter, because i don't have the emotional energy anymore. not that it will do any good now anyway.

and i'm so sorry because i know i needed to plan a longer...that it was dangerous to plan b now...but i cannot face him again. i have to quit this. i have to save myself. if i don't, who will be strong for the boys? I need to be strong for them.

I was on the phone with MIL until my BF got here. BF and I spent the day together...she is a FBS so she soooo knows how i feel and i can tell her anything. But tonight she had a family obligation and I told her i'd be okay...even though i'm not. you know...don't you???

MIL has BIL and his kids visiting, so it is crazy at their house now. she's going to call me tonight and check in.

No one else really knows. most of my friends are in the curb kicking camp and would never understand, as much as they care for me. My mom is like that too. one sister would understand, not agree but understand, but she is moving today and pretty much out of touch.

what do i do?