Thanks TA!!!

The issue "overwhelming pressure".


Duress.


Anxiety.


Over saturation.


Circuits overload. Brain drain.


Neo Cortex portion of the frontal brain overflooded.


Brain Pain Strain.


Broken Heart.


Grief Stress.


Way to much information to process "all at once".


Why breaks are such a good idea.


Refreshment.

Thank you, everyone. I am REALLY enjoying being still. Taking time to read devotionals. Hanging out with the boys. Chatting with my neighbor. Quietly considering the wisdom being shared here instead of REACTING.

A couple of days of this and I will be refreshed and centered.

LG: enjoy the show! Hope he breaks a leg.

Good Luck LS

No!! Boy you totally misunderstood me. I loved what she wrote above and the way she was more or less telling LilSis, it's okay that everything's not perfect... and it's okay to lean on others. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Sis,
Stepping around the clutter on your thread, is there anything any of us can help you with today? Very worried about you right now.

Do you have any anti anxiety meds (different than AD's)? Would your Dr. prescribe some if you call....mine did and they were a godsend. Still use them when recovery issues set me off. I have a prescription for Klonopin....not as habit forming as Xanax or Valium but very effective for a feeling of peace and to stay centered. Just 1/2 of 5mg pill is enough.

LilSis:

Good Morning!



He didn't break a leg... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

But it's pretty disappointing to turn to your wife during the first act of a musical, "The Music Man" and ask, "When are they going to start singing?"

The music is playing, the young actors are on the stage and thier mouths are moving, but you CAN'T HEAR THEM! Even in the 4th ROW!!

Now, LG's 14 year old, is the Mayor, and never needs a microphone, just like LG.

Surprised? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

They picked up steam by the 4th act, and where doing much better... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Just that you don't think I am bashing them....

And LS:

I like the refreshed and centered part, also.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

LG

Refreshed and centered... I am stealing this as my mantra for the weekend!

My girlfriend was over last night, dropping off her kiddos to slumber and party with mine, and she said, "What is different about you this week - you seem edgy?"

And, lightbulb moment - everything I had "handed over" to God I had grabbed right back... making plans, trying to create solutions to the mess I have asked Him to intercede with.

You just can't win @ tug-o-war with God... and it's exhausting to even try.

So - refresh and center... that's my plan for the weekend too!
Ahhhhhh.

EXACTLY! That is the conclusion I came to as well. I suppose it is easy to fall back into that trap...old patterns of behavior for me, anyway.

Peace, lostsheep.

Even though I told myself I was NOT going to think about any of this this weekend....here I go again.

I'm reading mimi's Plan B thread. It is so helpful to see the progression; to watch it unfold...not in "real time" but in virtual time...the daily struggles compressed into a few pages of posts. It is also quite informative in terms of the specifics, logistics, etc.

I have to say, the tone was different then. I also see mimi's WH as much more of a cake-eater than mine....in words anyway, if not actions.

Okay, here's my question. (and I know what everyone's going to say, but I'll ask anyway). I got my first check from Friend of the Court on Friday. Along with the check was a form. Apparently, Michigan law requires that the checks be deposited electronically, so within 30 days I have to submit a voided check, etc. If I fail to do this, they will mail me a Visa debit card (I don't use debit cards AT ALL and I don't think I would like this).

WH mentioned to me yesterday on the phone that he may need to ask me for some money for the utilities. Thus far, he has been paying the utilities from our existing joint accounts (we have two) and from his own account (for a couple of utilities that are tied to his AMEX). He has also been making a car payment (for the Vibe, which I have) from his own account.

I set up a separate checking account back in September. I use it to pay my credit card bill (I use it for EVERYTHING).

So...do I set up the auto pay from FOC into my solo account, or do I set it up to go into one of our joint accounts?

I am afraid that if I set it up for my solo account, that he will stop paying the utilities, etc....just further dividing us!!

Right now I see those finances as a link. But reading mimi's Plan B, that's what happened....those links are severed. I'm afraid of severing any more links! I sort of grasp on to those as things that tie us together...

Stupid, I know. Crumbs, I know. But still....

WH also mentioned yesterday that he asked his attny to "un-do" the FOC stuff and make arrangements for my support to be done outside of that system. The downside of doing that is that I have little recourse if he decides to stop paying (well, it's just more problematic, is all, than if the support is garnished by the state.) He said that he had this conversation a couple of weeks ago with his attorney; I haven't heard anything from mine about this. Again, my attny knows that I want this thing to DRAG out.

Sis,

I wish I had the knowledge to give you some good advice on the above,,,,but as I don't, I won't.

However, I did just want to jump on and say Hello!

I've been thinking about you and am thankful that you took the time you needed to re-charge yourself! It was a good reminder to me, and apparently many others as well.

Hang in there girl!

solo account




your attorney will tell you to keep it in the system

LilSis does not "do divorce", remember ? ... so ALL these requests made by adulterous-lying-tricky-alien-brained spouse to make HIS divorcing you easier on HIM .... you respond ~~~>[color:"red"] "I'll let my attorney decide."[/color]

This is allowing the full consequences of his actions .... to kick butt.

Advise your attorney he/she has your green light to go for the MOST you can get .... and that which poses the LEAST risk for you

Plan R this weekend

Pep

Plan A stick .... don't leave home without it

Sis, I've been thinking about you and have your and your family in my prayers.

Looks like you'll need to get your financial ducks in a row before you can go to Plan B. That means sorting out what expenses you will take on. As part of that process, my opinion is that the child support payments should go into your solo account. The problem I see with having it deposited into your joint account is that your WH COULD, if he were so minded, simply withdraw it for his own use...thus "voiding" out the child support while still having proof that he paid it.

As for the debit card, think of it as a prepaid credit card. You use it just as you would a credit card, only it is paid ahead of time instead of at the end of the month. In our business, I use debit cards to keep a lid on spending, as cash in my H's hands seems to fritter away on non-business purchases, and credit card bills skyrocket for the same reason. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> With the debit cards, he knows exactly what funds are available for business purchases, and I can track them online. He can then fritter away his cash all he wants! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I'm all for your keeping "still" with your WH. You've been doing such an intense Plan A that I think you do need some rest from it all. A light-hearted text or email to him every day or so is good, I think; but, right now, I think your focus should be on your own well-being, as well as that of your sons. Maybe you could try living your life as if you would had you never married and had your sons through a sperm bank <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> ...while sending the occasional light-hearted texts and email as sort of a connection to an old friend.

I also don't think it would hurt to be not-quite-so-available for personal interactions with your WH. My reason for this thinking is that it could spare you from some additional pain due to his "alien coldness". However, I think that he might possibly seek you out, because I do believe that your WH loves you and will be wanting his "fix" of you.

Anyway, just do what you need to do in order to protect yourself and your sons. These are just some of my thoughts on your situation, so take what you can use and discard the rest.

I thought as much, Pep.

I really have to get off of here today. I can easily fall back into my pattern of needing to DO something. I can feel my anxiety level rising as I type.

I have been thinking, though, about what the next few weeks will bring:

1. WH is leaving for Phoenix on 3/11 (two weeks from now)

2. WH will return about 3/23

3. ILs will return mid-late April?? Not sure, and they are by-the-seat-of their pants types, and retired, so who knows.

4. WH is expected to be out of their home when they return.

5. My sense is that WH believes that our D will magically be final in mid-April, even though we have done NO negotiating...and I intend to drag it out.

I am feeling a bit panicky. So much is going to hit the fan, and I am not sure that I can withstand the collatoral damage. How will I possibly find peace and serenity during this? My crucible...

Where's the "it is the fear" thread again??

THANK YOU, Lady C. mimi has "shooed" me off of here as well, and I will just quickly reply to you and remove myself from this darn computer.

Your suggestion to just "be still" and back off the intensity is what I intend to do for the time being. I am not as centered and solid as I want to be. You can see from my post above that I am still fixating and mulling things over instead of just giving them to GOD!!! Why can't I DO this???

I did send an email to WH this AM with pics from an outing yesterday with the boys and a bunch of families from work to go eagle watching. We saw seven eagles, one golden and the rest bald, feeding and soaring above us. It was thrilling; WH would have loved it (unless he has TOTALLY changed!) We all brought a dish to pass, the kids played video games, and we hung out and talked after coming in from the bird watching. Of course I was the only one without a husband...but my GFs are SUCH a great support system.

One's H is an alcoholic, so she and I are sort of on the same page. Her H and I even has the same PO. Ha ha.

Anyway...this post...and my email to WH...will be it for today! And now...I bid you all adieu.

I will not log on....I will not log on....I will not log on...

LilSis ~ isolating in the face of fear is the worst thing you can do.

My wonderful Al Anon sponser used to tell me:

The mind is like a very bad scary dark neighborhood.

Never go alone, always take a friend, and hold hands...

Going "there" (into the fear) is a choice you make, and if you are going to go "there", take a friend to tell you that the boogyman you imagine is standing on the corner is really just a lamp post...

BR:



This is what I experienced. I always did better when I came here to share or else as I've said before MY FEELINGS SEEMED TO IMPLODE ON ME..INSIDE OF ME...

Sis, I was shooing you off of MY THREAD...not MBers...

I would get tempted to stay away from here..but thank God..I CAME BACK...

I'm not staying away entirely...just for today. So I can focus on some things that are non-A-related. Cleaning my house. Doing some baking. Shoveling the driveway. Catching up on laundry.

Not isolating...just not FIXATING, which I have a tendancy to do, because I want to DO something, MAKE things happen, MOVE things along...

I need to fixate instead on the Truth that only God can DO something, MAKE something happen, MOVE things along. I need to place my trust in him, and if I spend the day on here, analyzing every angle, contemplating every course of action, believing that by doing something *I* can effect change in WH....then I am NOT giving it to God.

I don't know if this makes sense...

Oh...and...I want to make my MIND a SAFE neighborhood. This is what I am trying to do this weekend by centering and focusing on trusting God. Right now it IS dark and scary because God is not front and center for me, shining his light for me.

When God was front and center for me before, it was not scary. I'm trying to recapture that...

Something I did to leave the dark scary neighborhood:

I got a shoebox, decorated it with ribbon and wrapping paper. I wrote a letter to God, turning over my fears,my worries, my problems to Him. I placed a picture of my husband in the box. I added items as needed. Once those things went into the box - I did not take them out - I had to leave them turned over to God, which meant not to go "there".