JL, I saw your comment to me, but rather than threadjack Believer's thread I decided to see if I could gather a reunion. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I haven't been able to logon. I registered with another name, but haven't used it because it wasn't "me". I even stopped reading here, after a daily addiction of 6 years. Somehow this week, I checked in and my old logon went through.

Update: Guard and I are doing great. We've survived our first 3 1/2 months of being empty nesters. OD's college is 6 hours away, YD is 10 hours away and she is at the biggest university in the US, at least that is what their literature says. We're flying the YD home for Christmas, though she now has some experience with bus travel as well.

We also came through Guards's 13 month deployment to Afghanistan well, which was spring 2004-2005. It was easier in many ways than Desert Storm 14 years previously, with cell phones, email we could be contact almost everyday. His attitude since he's been home is changed about some things, he's very lovingly thoughtful.

We're working on our house to get it ready for sale this coming spring. Houses built in 1961...tend to need a lot of updating.

One thing I remember from the bad times was that it seemed like all my future plans disappeared. Whenever Guard and I make plans for the upcoming years, it feels wonderful.

We have a good life with usual problems of cars, college expenses, and full schedules. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

JL, what is your life like?

Anyone else care to update?

Hey Lor(Lor)!

Remember me??? I was deployed to Afghanistan aroud the same time Guard was....

It's good to hear from you again. I lost my password for a while too and couldn't log in either.

Mrs. RIF and I are doing great... in fact, today is our 20th anniversary. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> I sure didn't think that we'd ever get this far way back in 1988,98,90... but here we are.

I spent the day with the girls raking leaves with our Sunday school class at various widows houses today and Mrs. RIF finished up a quilt that she's been sewing for a Christmas present. We're about to order pizza for the girls then Mrs RIF and I are going out to celebrate.

All the best to you and Guard!

Semper Fi,
RIF

RIF, I absolutely remember you. Seeing your posts, knowing you were on the same complex as my H and things were ok enough for you to post, eased my worry many, many days. Guard was good about telling me when incidents happened on the base, but seeing a corresponding post from you let me know he was communicating the situation.

I posted on your anniversary thread, but I don't mind repeating, I am very happy for you and Mrs. RIF. Enjoy your celebration.

Aloha Lor,

Howz it sis? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Good to hear from you.

U R selling your home? Ok.....where r u off 2? Did I speed read past that point?

Give my regards to Guard. Not sure if he 'members me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Hugz,
L.

Hi Lor!!! So good to come here and see your log on! Wonderful to hear from you. You were the very first person on MB to post to me back in 2004. My H and I are finally in recovery after 2.5 years, an OC and countless false recoveries.

Hi Orchid, I've missed you, sweetie! We're planning to move somewhere around here, out of the city, into the woods. H actually has some crazy idea about building a house. I'm not too sure about that, but, we're going to do some house-hunting first, just in case that Perfect house is out there.

Faithful Follower, it's wonderful you are in recovery. We had many tries at reconciliation that didn't work and it's hard to muster up hope for true recovery, but with lots of effort and love, it has happened for us and so is possible. I wish the best for you! I didn't realize I was the first to post to you!

I know I can talk to you any time, but what the heck, I was here on another thread, and then I saw YOU! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

So, uh... HI! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hi NBII. Talk anytime? I don't know, you've been pretty busy! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Yep, and what a change it is, this being busy... and I LOVE IT! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

On Sunday mornings I try to do my check-in's on email and my ladies board if possible, and then if there's time, I read here and chime in when I can...

And Lor, remember how we were back in 1999... so much pain and anguish... there's new people here every week in the same place... it keeps on keepin' on... and sometimes it gets to be ... heavy, even just reading...

Anyhow, you've got such a wonderful testimony... a story of survival and a thriving marriage despite huge obsticles... and you are very needed here! Welcome back to the posting world!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hola Lor!!!

So good to know you and Guard are doing well.

Happy Holidays!

Love,
Jo

Hi Jo, nice to see you too. What is going on in your life?

Not much.

No longer see Ryan (OC) - been a couple years. I haven't heard a word on how he's doing either. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

OW and ex-H married in '05 and have custody of Ry, along with OW's 4 other illegitimate childen. I consider them a perfect match - one another's moral equal. lol

I'm on my own, and for now like it that way. I'm very leary of ever being in a serious relationship again. I have seen so many people; friends, aquaintences, relatives where adultery has ravaged their marriages. I never again want to give anyone that power over me. It certainly doesn't help getting hit-on on a regular basis at work by married men either. Just seems to confirm my suspicions.

I think marriage is a beautiful union. Wish people would start treating it with the respect and commitment it was intended.

I'm happy to know you and Guard continue to use Harley's principles for a happy marriage, Lor. I believe in his methodolgy and wish more folks knew about it before they marry or start having problems.

Wishing you the warmest of holidays and continued happiness!

Love,
Jo

Hi Lor(Lor)!!!!!

It's soooo good to hear from you and better yet, to hear everything is going so good!

You are missed here!!

Jo, you sound like you personally have recovered. I feel sad for you about Ryan, he was a part of your life too.

Hi Nerly, Good to see you too. Do you have an empty nest now too? I can't remember the ages of your children. I didn't quite expect that I would miss them so much. And my social life completely disappeared with not going to activities.

Hi Lor! So glad to hear that things are well with you and Guard.

It took us 4 years, but my wife and I are finally in the "recovered" group and doing very well.

God bless and continue to uphold you and your family in His love.

Don't feel sad for me Lor. I'm doing great. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I just worry for Ryan, that he's being treated right and has all the things he needs to be a happy and safe kid.

Give Guard a hug from all of us here at MB. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Jo

Foreverhers, I'm happy for you that you are in the recovered group. You are a steadfast person and a very thoughtful poster. I can tell you that after some years of things going well, I remember that things were bad, but except for some of the really major triggers, it doesn't seem like it took as long as it did.

Guard & I are in the very minority for whom contact continues and we still achieved recovery. I should add, by major trigger, I generally mean his work Christmas party and retirements, funerals, weddings where I may see the FOW. But, nothing will be as bad as when Guard and her H (Guard's former best friend) were deployed together and FOW & were in the same Family Support Group. {bleah}. But I also learned she isn't a friendly or nice person...to any other female. Does not work well with others.

Anyway, recovery without NC is tough, not likely, but for us, possible.

Jo, a hug right back to you. I'm happy you are doing great, we were in the trenches a long time together <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.

Lor, I sooooo understand about the Contact issue. It took 4 years before that finally "sunk in" for my wife. Now, it's not an issue other than my latent distrust of the OM and his family to attempt to play on her caring nature. But when she talks about the affair now, it is apparant that God has revealed the truth to her and she will "never go there again."

Waiting on the Lord's timing is very hard sometimes, but it is, imho, the only way for a believer to go because recovery IS very hard under any circumstances, and especially so when there is contact. I don't have to tell you how ANY contact feels, but for those who don't know, or who are recovering WS's, each contact sends the BS back to a sort of "mental beginning" and keeps dredging up very painful memories, to say nothing of the basic "fear factor" and ongoing "uncertainty" while one is waiting on the Lord's timing. Without the Lord, I'd be surprised if very many can muster their own internal resources to keep going if contact continues for an extended period of time. I know in my case, even with the Lord, there were several times during the 4 years that I was almost ready to "toss in towel" because I cannot and will not tolerate any contact with anyone who tried to destroy our marriage....it's simple, "choose ye this day whom ye shall serve....." and "man (or woman) cannot serve two masters....."

You are a "saint" in my book to be able handle any sort of contact.

God bless.

Oh, Foreverhers, I doubt I qualify for sainthood, my thoughts get pretty dark and I have mentally & emotionally shoved her into God's hands more times than I can count.

Other than that, I generally pray for her salvation and that she finds her way into one of the very conservative Christian groups that stipulate no makeup, headcoverings,long skirts, and sensible shoes. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

It appears God did smile on me this year, I didn't see her at any of the Christmas parties, even though her H was at one of them.

Hi Lor,

It is good to hear your update. You and Guard have done some amazing things. My W and I have been empty nesters for a year and a half. I have adjusted, she still doesn't care for it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Things are busy, life is moving on, and the kids are finishing their education which means they will be taking care of me soon. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

It is always nice to see some of the oldies come around. I am spending much less time here now as well. Wearing out I guess. But all in all I am doing very well and so is my family. We have had a lot of good things happen in our lives and have overcome the more serious things...with a lot of help from above.

Must go, but I hope to see around a bit more.

God Bless,

JL