Hey guys! I hope evreyone is doing well considering the circumstances alot of us find ourselves in. I am having a really hard day today. As some of you know I have been married a year and my hus has left for other woman says that after I threw a fit at his work and embarrssed him and his what ever you want to call her that it is over and he is filing for div.

I have a 7 year old from previous marriage and do not want him to see another divorce. This really sucks. I do not know if it is over and I really want to give it my all but I am the only one giving.

I have love busted calling him a thousand times and all that good stuff. In the begining when I just left him alone
and we finally talked it felt like we were really communicating and he was on the fence then I did this thing at his work and now he says it is over.

I need help guys I feel sucidal and do not know why. I thought I had a grasp on this and I had hope now I feel like it can never be fixed because of the situation at his work.

This girl has nothing to offer him. 3 kids slept with my hus while bf watched kids moved my hus in while bf lived there still kicked him out and moved my hus into her bed
before A flirted with him while she had bf and knew he was married. known as the store #### but my hus knows and does not care. I must of really sucked as a wife.

It seems like the more research that I do on infidility that they pretty much determine that it is pretty much over.

I have another question this affair happened suddenly it was not going on for awhile like a long term affair. They had been flirting at work for about 3 weeks and then planned on getting together for a week. Hooked up and she moved him in three days later.

Before the fiasco at work he told me he missed me loved me thought about me all the time but did not know if he could get past what he has done. Is there hope.

I cant seem to function at work at home anywhere. Its not fair that he seems like he is so happy with the situation and I feel like I am dying.

Are you on anti-depressants? If so, let your doc know about any suicidal feelings. If not, let your doc know about your feelings.

The affair always ends - the 3% that last go on to have more problems.

You are reading the wrong research. Affairs most often DO NOT end the marriage.

Yes Believer I am on a AD. I just started about a week ago.
Hopefully it will kick in soon. Is it normal to feel like you are in fog yourself. I have been talking to alot of people about what is going on. Maybe that is my mistake to much input from people who are not were I want to be at.

How are you doing Believer? Did your hus know ow long before it was found out?

Glad your answered. Some anti-D's can INCREASE thoughts of suicide, even in adults. They just had a Senate hearing on it. Please talk to your doctor TODAY.

But it is very normal to feel foggy at first. I hated it, but the feeling went away in about 10 days. It took my anti-D's 22 days to kick in. Once morning I woke up and felt fine.

It is perfectly normal not to be able to function while going through this. But that will change. I promise you that things will get better. Trust in that.

My WH knew the OW, and was in an affair for about 9 months before I found out.

Believer I want you to know what an insperation you are to me. I have been reading your posts for about a month and your strength is awesome. You know sometimes our pain can help someone elese get over theirs.

Did you keep hoping that it would work out? Were there signs of things maybe turning around or did you know it was over from the beginging?

Looking at my details do you think they my hus and ow have a
chance at long relationship? With us being married only a year I do not know if I could or should wait as long as you were able to.

Actually, I was very hopeful at first, but as the affair went on and on, and I made changes in me for a better life, I no longer wanted him back. The affair did end, but way too late.

But my situation is much different than yours. My WH and OW had a large amount of money to blow, so their fantasy was well financed.

The Harley's advise you might consider ending the marriage if the affair starts in the first couple years of the marriage, and there are no children. But Frank Pittman, who is also an expert, says that a high percentage of affairs happen in the first couple years, and you need to be hopeful because of that.

Your husband's affair will end. Don't worry about that. Right now, we need to take care of YOU.

Believer,

Did you know the other woman?

I am working on myself now. I am going to IC and I am going to alnon meetings plus I have my son to think about and also my career. Really I have alot going for me. God has truly blessed me inspite of the situation. I know I was feeling sucidal earlier but I know honestly that would be just as selfish if not more so then what my hus is doing. And truly it would mean that the other woman would have won and it would make me the weaker one. We all know that they are really the weaker ones. We at least can look at ourselves in the mirror.

I know it is going to hurt for a while and honestly I am looking foward to it not hurting at all soon but I know with God all things are possible.

I love my hus and believe God brought us together for a purpose. We prayed before hand and counciled with the pastor and really thought he had gotten over past issues from previous marriage but I guess I was wrong.;

Believer thank you so much for your encouragement. I really do not want to give up on him or us. I do not feel released by God yet to do that. I am sure if that time comes he will give me the strength to handle it.

No, I didn't know the OW. She was a neighbor. My husband was walking the dog, and went by her house. She was out on the porch crying. Her husband had just left to fight in Iraq, and my husband was comforting her.

I understand that you are a Christian also. Other then the bible was there anything elese you read that helped you?

Anika - I was a real mess, almost like a zombie after D-day . And that is normal. Being a Christian helped, but the whole experience was HORRIBLE.

Are you feeling okay?

Some questions:

1. How did your previous M end? Was the end caused by infidelity on either your or your xH's part?

2. How long after the end of your previous M did you start a relationship with your current H?

3. How did his previous M end? Was the end caused by infidelity on either his or his xW's part?

4. How much of your H's history, including sexual history, did you discuss with him prior to getting M'd?

Believer
yes I am feeling ok I do have moments like I was saying but I keep trying to remember that this to shall pass. I truly love my husband and believe that God can work this out.

Maninmotion
My first marriage ended because of an affair, mine. We were married for seven years. He was military captain and had an attitude of do as I say. Does not excuse my infidility. No matter what he did it did not give me the right to do what I did. My son is the one who was affected by that whole deal. I still feel the guilt for what I did then. My ex and I did not try to work it out neither of us wanted to. It was not a long affair about three weeks but long enough to destroy my family. It was with a single neighbor.
Maybe that is why I am more compassionte toward my hus because I know the pain that is felt in the situation.
I was divorced for almost three years when I met my husband now.
His ex filed for divorce. He says his ex cheated but there was no proof. He was abusive to his first wife emotionaly and was physically abusive to his kids. He told me in tears about how sorry he was for hurting them. He tried to fix things but like my first marriage it was to late. I dont know if he cheated in his first marriage. He swears he did not but I do not know for sure. After this I question alot of things he told me about first marriage.
He was divorced for seven years before me.

We talked alot about our pasts and what we wanted to see happen differantly in this relationship.

I do not know if you have ever heard the term co dependant but that is what I am finding out that I am. I come from a home were there was drugs alochol yelling screaming sexual and physical abuse. What I am learning is that as an adult I truly do not know how to trust. I let my husband get so far and then I would push him away and now he is gone and I am hanging on for dear life to get him to come back.

Do not know why I am typing that part maybe just to give you and understanding of me.

Anika - Lots of CoD's here. Stick with us. We will help.

Believer,
Done and done! Thanks for not saying anything mean to me about being the ww at one point. Did your ex say really mean things to you? Can I come back from my fou pah.

Anika - My ex didn't say mean things to me, although he lied constantly and to this day has not admitted living with the OW.

But he treated me very coldly, didn't have 5 minutes to do anything with me. He was COMPLETELY focused on the OW.

I really want to stop hurting. My husband has treated me like I am nothing to him and she has become evreything. How can someone be so cruel and so mean. Like I never ment anything to him. He took her to see his kids again and is planning on introducing her to his family. I do not get it. One of my freinds from church called him yesterday and she answered his phone. Our friend asked how he was doing and he said ok. Maybe I never knew this man Maybe I was a fool. I really wish I could be numb right now.

My mom says trash deserves to be with trash and that if I take him back (not that this is an option at this point) that I would get evreything that I deserved.

I wonder if he will get past this fog or will he stay with her. Please someone tell me how to make the pain stop

Hey Anika.....LoveGod here...i am gonna call you later on tonight....k?

Anika - Most WS's don't care anything about their spouse, their family, even their kids. I always tell people to picture a heroin addict. That is exactly how they act.

Right now, your husband DOESN'T care about you. He is too full of chemicals in his brain, and those chemicals make him feel great. It is all about him.

Your best course of action is to take good care of you, and put him on the back burner. You can stay in Plan A, and do that.

You are very new in this, and very normal. I spent the first several months walking around like a zombie. It took me several months to even believe that this was happening to me. Then I spent months and months trying to prove that he was having an affair - he denied everything, and I felt like I was going crazy.

The only way to deal with the pain is by going through it. You are grieving right now, and it is healthy to feel the pain. The anti-D's will kick in and take the edge off.

I really want this thing to work out and I know it takes two. I am so much in panic mode and I hate it. I think abuot him with her and all the things we did together and now he is doing them with her. It is all so weird. I have read a couple of post were the couples have been married less then two years and this has happened. I wonder what is happening with our socity that it is so easy to give up vows and commitment.

I know you told others have survived this and their marriage is still in tact. You talked about Luke. Were they married long before this had happened.

I really want to believe that this can work out. I honestly think I am obsessed about it. I need to start thinking about something elese.

D\

Cant cry no more-look foward to talking to you