Hey guys, I am posting just this once using another postname just in case my WH reads this website. I post under LoveGod so I am sure you guys know my story. 2 questions....after my WH returns overseas, should I continue snooping his emails? I mean, do I wanna live and breathe by what goes on in his emails? I cannot control what he does, I cannot control who he talks to, etc etc. I am in Plan A but do I want to continue snooping? Now, the OW is still over there but they have had NC since end of Oct. according to his emails. I have a keylogger. I just don't know what is going to happen with us. Question 2, ya'll, I really feel like giving up. This is the 1st time I have felt this way. We have only been married for 11 months. He has broken up w/ me 2 x's in the past but came back. He has serious commitment, closeness, and abandonment issues and he does not seem to think he needs help. Running back overseas is his resolution. I am really at a loss. What am I hanging onto? Why am I hanging on? I truly love him but why why why? Why hang on to something that may or may not happen? I feel very lost. I really need some input please.

((((Love))))

Yes. You want to continue to gather as much information as possible..if you want to continue to work on your marriage. I don't like the word "snooping" which makes what you are doing seem like a "bad" thing. This is a WAR. To fight a WAR, one has to use the most effective tactics and strategies. You can't do this without the necessary information.

I respect and understand your decision to stop working on this, Love, if you choose to do so. Do some soul-searching and make the best choice for yourself, given what you know about yourself.

I can't answer based on my personal experience. My situation was so very different than yours, having been with my H FOREVER, it seems, prior to his affair...

I agree with Mimi but this has t/b your decision based on knowledge of yourself and your sitch. If it were me I'd continue snooping until the trust was restored. That w/b work on his side to convince you that he is recovered. Until then you snoop your heart out. Why? Because if you don't the anxiety and doubt will do greater damage. In time the snooping will subside t/b replaced by great anger. Your tolerance level will go down and you will NOT be able to tolerate even the slightest distrust on his part.

Ex:

Ws: She wrote to me to ask how I was. I only said I was fine. What's wrong with that?

BS: She's an OW and I do not want you to bring in stinky people into our homes even via the internet. You want her, you'd better find another place to sleep.

WS: I can go find another woman.

BS: Yea and what? Screw her too? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> (yes, roll your eyes).....you've already done that WS..... so what's the point of that threat? You want to smell bad again? You still have remants of the last stinky OW. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

NOTE: I did similar because my WS got that stupid.

L.

Hey guys....I found that WH installed a keylogger on the computer at home before he left to visit his folks...crap!!! So I think it is going to show that I tried to get into his email b/c when I checked his email Friday night, his password has been changed and I cannot get back into it...Now it was only a 3-day free trial but he got the keystrokes emailed to him. So I don't know what he knows now. What do I do? Do I install another keylogger? Help...i think he has busted me getting into his email..btw, he does not know how i originally got those emails..he thinks "someone" got into his acct. and sent them to me....HELP...what do I do?

Install your own key logger and this time make it permanent. Can you use a different brand? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Same tools different motive. Just like reverse babble. That's the key. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

L.

Hey..I have talked to him today and he has not mentioned anything about me getting into his email...I am going to install another keylogger and just not say anything about anything unlesss he confronts me..Now, I do know that he tried getting into my email acct. b/c it showed up on the keylogger that I originally installed b4 he got home...Man, I hate living like this..i hate it i hate it i hate it...is this anyway to live??????? spying? snooping? i know its war but man this just blows ya'll.....

One day you will be able to stop the snooping and start the reverse babbling! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

That is when you will be able to get back in control and move forward for YOUR sake.

L.

Who has the keylogger on now? Realize that if it is your WH, he can see what you are writing.