As I posted before my husband moved out 1 week ago today because he couldnt treat me the way I deserved or wanted to be treated -couldnt or wouldnt??? Anyway I feel so hopless now that he is gone. I know he has gone to bars with the guy he lives with now -I'm sure he is flirting and who knows what else. So now I have that to deal with along with OW he had EA affair with if not PA. He says they are "just friends" but its not true.

Has anyone ever separated and had their marriage restored? We are not communicating right now so it is hard for me to meet any of his emotional needs and he mine.

Also how do you deal with that? Not haveing any of your needs met through all of this?

I was separated for one month and then moved back in (my mistake, I should have never moved out, but that was before I found MB). JRobin, you just have to get a plan with SH, and stick to that plan. I know it seems hopeless, but things can turn around. My WW was looking for jobs and apartments in Boston, I recorded a phone conversation that she had with OM telling him that our marriage was over and she was going to be with him once the divorce was through and she found a job. I finally stood up for myself, and she agreed to NC. We are currently slowly working things out. You need to have hope. Get on some ADs, talk to family and friends, see an IC, and go out and do something for you. You know he can't go out to bars if HE has to watch the kids. You should MAKE HIM watch the children while you go out with your friends. Again, you need to talk with OWH personally. Your WH is fighting an addiction, and you need to be strong and help him. You will get through this.

Should I have him come here to watch our son?? He is staying at a bachelors house and I do not want my son there.

I have appt with steve tomorrow and I cant wait-I feel like if I had a plan I may feel more empowered and in control-of myself anyway.

I would fix up the house, and yourself, and ask him to watch your son for a couple of hours.

Then dress up and go OUT. You don't need to let him know where you are going. Just smile and leave.

Don't be surprised if he declines though - they tend to ignore their responsibilities.

Jim-

Did your wife tell you she didnt love you except as a friend?? Did she want you to move back in?

Yeah, isn't that what they all say? She also said that she didn't think that she was ever in love with me. Didn't know why we got married in the first place. It's called revising history to justify the present. And she most certainly did not like me moving back in because she couldn't talk with her boyfriend as much.

Yeah my husband in the beginning said that he "settled" when he married me WHAT?? He never ever acted that way until this woman came into his life since then he has said that he loves me as a friend and that this woman (although she is just a friend) makes him feel things he never felt with me. Yeah like a deceitful liar and GUILT.

jrobin, you have a few suggestions here to have your H with your son while you go out, are you considering that at all?

It is ok to say concrete things like "Would you be with son from x to y time on [this day]? I have something I need to do."

And, right now, your needs are not likely to be met by your H, he is more likely to be draining your lovebank, but try to keep the lines of communication open, even if it is just about your son and schedules.

Yes I would consider telling him he needs to watch our son if I wanted to go out.

Today I had my appt with Steve Harley and I really feel encouraged-I feel like I have a plan now. He wants to talk to my husband and my husband actually agreed to talk to him next week. I am so happy. I told him this morning I wanted to talk to him and he said he would call me later. He called me and I wa at lunch so I couldnt answer phone so he came and found me at Subway eating lunch. So it was felt like he wanted to talk too. He looks awful-dark circles under eyes and quiet. I dont think this life he thought would be so exciting and happy isnt what he was looking for. OW and her family went out of town today for 2 weeks so that helps too. Of course they can still have contact on cell phones though.

One day at a time.

Great Job!!!!!!!!! I sincerly hope that he will talk with Steve. He does wonders with WS's.

What else did Steve say?

SH told me to tell my husband that the best scenario would be for our sons parents to be in love and my husband did agree with that. He also said that my husband must have been feeling disconnected from me and allowed another woman to connect with him but it is not an irreversible condition. He told me to tell H that we know what the option of divorce is but we need to find out all we can on how to make our marriage great so we dont get divorced out of ignorance. He told me to tell him that I understand that he's not "in love" with me and we needed to look into what it would take for that to change. I said what do I say if he complains about the price and he said to tell him its less expensive than a lawyer. It was all good advice and he also used a couple of analogies that really made sense too. I made an appt for my H for next week on Wed but the only thing I can see that would be a problem is the time-the appt is 8:00 am but it will be 6 am our time. I really wanted him to have an appt this week because we are going to be together alot starting Sat and I thought it would be good for him to have some of the info 1st but he insisted on next week.