I've struggled with romantic insecurities after my divorce 5 years ago. We both made mistakes, but I caught my husband with another woman on a vacation and then went through a long, confusing divorce.

I'm now engaged to a wonderful man, but I worry that my insecurities might ruin our relationship.

If you look at my other posts, you can see evidence of these problems!

I'm jealous, insecure about my looks, etc.

I was not like this during my first marriage.

Anyone else struggle with this? Does anyone have any advice?

Hi Back again,

I went back and read your old posts.I would be hesitant about marrying this guy.Does he still have an attraction to his mom and his SIL?? And is he still commenting on other women? Are you still taking AD's?

Your fiance seems to be,inappropriately,attracted to all sorts of women including family members which I find to be a big red flag.I don't consider that an insecurity.You have every right to thinking "what's really going on?" Everyone who has been cheated on in the past has some form of an insecurity about themselves.You feel rejected and hurt beyond belief for what these cheaters do,our self esteem can take a major hit but ultimately it's not your problem but that there were close people in your life,a spouse,willing to hurt you in the most damaging way ( sans murder).

Let me say this:I used to also be somewhat jealous of other women but you know what? I had every reason to be.The way my then BF,then husband reacted to other women made my radar go up and the first thing I get back from him back then was " You're just jealous". Well,my now ex had an EA 5 years into our marriage and then an EA/PA 3+ years ago.To me,this feeling is a way of your own heart and mind saying something's UP.You aren't being cared for,loved,respected or protected in the right way from your SO so that YOU feel like the only romantic partner in his life.

LISTEN to your gut BA.If you think this problem will go away just by getting marriage,think again.Re-evaluate your relationship and just to reiterate,I also think pre-marriage counseling would be great.If your fiance refuses then I would be suspicious.You stated you already broke off the engagement once right?


Edited to add: if trust isn't there,certainly you can look at what your part plays if all BUT,if it's not building,also look at actions.It would be very hard for me to build trust in a man who not only had roving eyes but had some weird attachment to his Mom and other family members( attraction).That is just not ok.