I loved reading some of your reverse babble-it makes feel not so alone with all my husband says to me.

How would you respond to the following:
I dont love you the "way I should" or I love you "like a friend"

I wasnt sure it was right when I married you.

OW and I are just friends and the kiss was "innocent".

Its not just OW other girls have flirted with me and I wanted to flirt back (which he probably did).

I aske dhim why he wasnt wearing wedding ring anymore-he said he "wasnt sure".

He has never felt for me the way OW makes him feel.

They have so much in common-when I asked what he said he couldnt explain it.

OW makes him happy.


Thanks for your input.

Jen

Orchid-

Any comments?

WH: I dont love you the "way I should" or I love you "like a friend"

You: No you don't love me the way you should - is that how you love OW?

WH: I wasnt sure it was right when I married you.

You: Then why did you?

WH: OW and I are just friends and the kiss was "innocent".

You: How many other "friends" have you kissed? With friends like that who needs enemies?

WH: Its not just OW other girls have flirted with me and I wanted to flirt back (which he probably did).

You: Yeah, you and every other man. I could go out and get laid in 15 minutes if I wanted to. What's your point?

WH: I asked him why he wasnt wearing wedding ring anymore-he said he "wasnt sure".

You: Let me clear up the confusion. I'm "sure" you are still married.

WH: He has never felt for me the way OW makes him feel.

You: You are right, I'm sure I've never made you feel guilty about being with me.

WH: They have so much in common-when I asked what he said he couldnt explain it.

You: Cat got your tongue? If you had some much in common I would think you could at least list a few things right away.

WH: OW makes him happy.

You: If that's happy then I don't want to see you sad. You don't seem very happy to me.

Now by talking to him that way is it a love buster??

jrobin, questions and true statements generally aren't LBs.

I think I would use an even tone or puzzlement so it doesn't seem sarcastic or aggressive.

Love Busters in marriage fall into five categories: Selfish Demands, Disrespectful Judgments, Angry Outbursts, Annoying Habits, Independent Behavior and Dishonesty.

That doesn't seem to fall in any of those LBs. When you say those things, don't snicker, or sound sad or angry. Just say them calmly and matter of factly and then walk away. Do not get into an argument. Keep the tone of your voice low.

If it helps I have heard everyone one of these word for word from my wife. So when she was telling me these things I would say to myself "Yada Yada Yada Yada, I'm sorry honey what did you say????"

Now after 7 months she sees "the light" and HATES the things she told me. When I bring them up she gets mad to me and won't listen to them.

This does get old to hear so please try not to listen to the words and see the fact that he is still with you.

M2L

Orchid: <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> My replies below will be as if I am the BS. Some of the responses are tried and tested (in my case). Be prepared to laugh or even cry. Why? Because after all it is..... reverse babble. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />


Orchid: Really? So you love me like you 'love' other people?
(find a word to use that is general when refering to OWs.... I used to call her 'other people'....in fact, I still do).

You know you are giving love to the wrong people.... you know maybe your definition and usage of the word love is different than what it really means. (give him that strange...he is weird look....this gets the WS on edge - which is a good thing). <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />


Orchid: REALLY? When did you figure that out and WHY did you LIE to me? (At this point, you are turning the tables on him...this carefully WS planned babble will backfire when you throw it back in his face).


Orchid: So you innocently kiss your friends? Hm.... ok. (that hm.... will make him wonder what u r thinking....that's a good thing...keep him wondering. Later tell some of his real friends male or female to watch out because the now WS may come up and start smooching on them - LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> )


Orchid: Hm.. how interesting. I will need to notify the young girls and their families that you c/b a pedophile.

(remember you are NOT denying his statements you are showing him the direction his statements and actions are taking him. If he questions your judgement, let it go....just go expose it a bit more..... you may have to warn some of your neighbors. I had to tell mine.... the WS had a tantrum.... he knew our neighbors knew of his A. They saw the police haul him away in one of his tirades. WS' can't control their temper....the need to make the BS suffer is a strong addiction. Your job will be NOT to allow yourself to suffer so....reverse babble and giving the WS back their guilt are tools to help you keep the WS at bay).


Orchid: (Then take the ring and put it in a safe place. Away from the home if needed. If he asks for it, tell him you are not sure he is worthy t/b wearing it. )


Orchid: (Or course not. A WS never loves their BS. That's taboo in WS land. Don't be alarmed by that, in fact thank him for that clarification and let him know his standards have dropped and you are glad that he as a WS doesn't love you. Then let him know that you are certain your real H w/b enraged to know someone like the WS is even near his family. That should confuse him for a bit. You see the WS and BS are 2 separate characters merged into one physical being. Weird? Check out his eyes. Watch his face get distorted when you throw reverse babble at him.... most WS can't handle reverse babble. Haven't met one yet that could. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> )


Orchid: (Yea, I heard that line also....later I got the chance to play back those hurtful words....remember the WS will soon tire of the OW and this is when the BS can remind the WS of all that 'supposed love, common bond, etc.' that supposedly once existed between the WS and OW. My H hates for me to recall the WS' words. He now says he was insane when he blurted out all that crap. Don't worry, your day will come when you can throw that stuff back in his face - until then, then he spews stupid lines like that.....at the very least...if you can't think of anything, say something like....'do you really believe what you are saying?' <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Then give him that look when he says something stupid. )


Orchid: Well then, why r u being so mad and grouchy around us? Show us how happy you are....for all the misery you have caused....somebody had better be happy. I don't give a rat's [censored] about the OW's happiness so that leaves YOU (WS) to show me you're happy... Smile....dammit!

(I used this one almost verbatim - LOL!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> ).


Orchid: U R quite welcome. Btw, the babble lines you gave are classic. Nothing knew....just very disrespectful and hurtful. So in return or retort, you do and say what you need to protect yourself and your family. Don't worry about LBing...... you shouldn't LB your real H but the WS you can LB as much as you need. Not a very MB like statement but if you can envision them as separate entities......it works. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

JMHO,
L.