I'd really like a womans view point here, idealy from a woman who's husband cheated on them. My question is at the end of this intro

Well i've been with my wife for almost 12 years, 3 kids, 9, 6, and 6 months. I lost may way with our marriage when she said those words "I will never love you in that way" that cut me deeper than i thought becase then for some stupid reason i thought it was ok to have an affair. lookink back i dont understand why i did it, and why i thought it was worth loosing everything thats important to me, over sex with another woman. But for some crazy reason i did and now i live with those consequences. She of course kicked me out, she always said i could do anything but cheat on her. So yes I'm the scum of the earth. Now we are getting on as best as can be expected, and i'm seeing the kids, I'm also buying here a new house to live in and giving them lots of money to live off, I'm giving here everything she could possibly want to get on with here life without me, and a divorce of course.

Seeing what this did to her, and those kids, changed my life completely, i see things so clearly now, its like i've been blind for the last 5 months and now i can see again, i dont know why i had to wait for this to happen for me to change but it did. Now i want to best father i can be, and be there for my ex wife in every way possible.

Right now she she's me as the biggest aresole on earth, and she said its completely 100% non-reversible, and she could never have any feelings for me ever again, and i know i will never be forgiven nor do i deserve to be. However i feel i cannot cannot give up on her, even if it takes years, i need her in my life again. when she said those words to me that destroyed me, i later found out she didnt mean it, so i reacted and had an affair to something that wasnt even true, yet i didnt even stop it when i found that out, i didnt end the affair until she found out. She was an amazing wife, and amazing mother, i screwed up but i feel if i can proove myself to be a good father and be supportive of her, then is it possible she could think fondly of me again?

so for those people out there who have been through this, am i talking out of my [censored], am i pipe dreaming, is such devastating affects to her reversible after a long time apart? or will she really never ever like or trust me again?

---------------------
Robbie

Robbie,

First of all, congratulations on waking up...I hope it's not too late for you. The next paragraph is kind of blunt...sorry for that.

You have done the worst thing a spouse can do. You betrayed a promise that you made to protect your W and marriage. This isn't due to something she said or did...this is all on you. You have a moral deficiency and you need to work on that. She is 50% responsible for the state of the marriage, but you are 100% responsible for choosing to have an affair.

You need to acknowledge that fact to her. You need to work on fixing the issues that allowed you to overstep that boundary. You will get hit by 2 x 4s on this board, but these people want to help and have guided many through this. Please don't give up.

My prayers are with you, your wife and your children.

Repost in the General Questions II forum and you will get 10 times the responses.

Robbie,

it is really up to her....she can forgive if she chooses to.
but, it is very difficult, i know.....and most of the time i WANT to forgive, i just can't seem to get past the hurt and the pain of feeling so foolish....it is MUCH easier to stay angry and pissed off.

now, i have a question for you about what she she would never love you THAT way....what way?
can you explain the conversation that led to that comment?