I am getting ready to start plan A with my husband. It's going to be tough as I am fighting for the marriage. He isnt so sure he wants to. Even after confronting him that I knew about the afair he still continues to call the OMW. It's as if nothing I say or do has an impact.

So I just read up on the plan A, but not sure I understand how to ask H to cut all ties without sounding demanding.

Any advice?

Did you expose the affair?

Plan A does not mean you demand he end his affair. Of course you ask him to stop seeing the OW, though. But, i would suggest you read up on it and understand what it means before you do it. Do you have Surviving an Affair?

Here is an overview:

The Carrot and the Stick of Plan A by Pepperband

The carrot of Plan A


Meeting your wandering spouse's emotional needs.

Making "home" a warm and inviting place to be.

Placing emphasis on what has worked in the marriage.

Showing consistent self improvement in areas where previously lacking.

Stop lovebusting behaviors.

Communicating with a calm reassuring voice and relaxed body language, even in the center of a verbal storm created by the infidel.

Becoming the person any reasonable spouse would want to come home to.

Remaining open to the possibility of recovery.

Offering forgiveness and understanding.



The stick of Plan A


Exposing adultery where it matters most. Exposure that takes the form of a swift and sudden unexpected tsunami of truth.

Not appologizing for exposure or speaking the truth in a kind yet direct way.

Directly communicating the hurt and devastation that the affair has caused.

Not accepting blame for the infidel's choice to become adulterous.

Let the consequences of adultery and infidelity fall freely upon the heads of the adulterous.

Establishing boundaries that disallow the affair to effect children of the marriage, financal security of the marriage, and otherwise ruin innocent bystanders.

Standing up to infidelity as a beast that must be slayed for the good of the family.

Why did you delete your previous posts????

It's quite common for the wayward to be unwilling and unable to end the affair cold turkey.

Doesn't make it right

Keep reading and posting

Mr. Wondering

okay, have any of you read "Josephs letter"? Well i sent an email similar to that to my WH last night. He replied back that he figured out how he fell "out of love" with me. He states that sometime after our weddingh he felt I was cheating. he says he now knows it was ridiculous to think that but he says when he had those feelings it dawned on him that he didnt care if I was with someone else. That it wouldnt have hurt him. He says that what caused all of this. He says he tried to fix things on his own, but he cant fix how he feels...

I've tried to make him realize that a marriage is 2 people and that we need to try together, but he his no longer open to that. He doesnt consider this thing with the OMW an affair. In fact he just hung up from me and is alredy talking to her again on the cell. He kissed her this week. But he doesnt consider that cheating- even though we are still married.

I'm not sure about the whole exposure. WH and OMW talk at all hours of the day and night. For an example my WH called her home last night at 8, 10, 11pm and 2am and again at 8am. I dont know her husbands name,but do you think he is living there if they are calling that frequently? And I really dont think that telling his boss would do anything. I dont think they would be inclined to get involved and would probably just go tell my WH that I called him.

I really dont think I can do anything. He isnt open to what i want and need.