I still feel like my WS is having an affair....We were doing well for seven months until he broke NC when he ran into her at a store and decided to email to let her know we made it to our thanksgiving destination ok...She asked him to email her to let her know we made it ok...Every since then i can't get rid of the feeling that he is doing something again...She lives about ten miles from us and my husband has to go by there on his way to work...He has been calling me and we IM while he is at work...I have most of his passwords except for his work...See his work is very high security and he can't give me his passwords to work...So i can not have access to those....Also his job has horrible hours he has to work sometimes until 1 in the morning and on good nights he isn't home before 7...His job isn't very good for most people especially someone going through infidelity...He seems to me that he is being open but sometimes I just don't know...I think sometimes he knows now how to not get caught...I just don't know how to feel better about this...I don't know if it steams from the recent contact or if what i am feeling is true...

Snr,

NC means no contact, not if I feel like it. His contacting her was a violation of your M and recovery. He should have left the store immediately upon laying eyes on her and certainly should not have called her for any reason.

As a matter of fact NC is so important that Harley even recommends moving. I see that your OW is only 10 miles away. This is not good. Can you afford to move farther away? Can your H get a transfer to another state even?
NC is essential for LIFE...your WH needs to understand this and accept this boundary or your M will have a hard time ever recovering. Not ever having contact with her again is a consequence of his decision to have an affair and he needs to accept that this is something that you have to have to feel safe.

do you have a friend that would be willing to follow him a few nights? Can you afford a PI to follow him?


How about a GPS? I think you can get one of those new phones for kids with GPS that is relatively cheap. Put it in the trunk and you can tell if he venturees off his route or stops at her house.

Get a voice activated recorder and put it in his car. You can tell if he is talking on the phone to her. If he is invoved he may have gotten a cell phone just to talk to her on

I know this 6-9 month time frame is soooo hard. Add in there the new contact and it must be soooo much worse.

Do all you can to verify.

Would he be able to transfer with the company?

Just trying to think of things to help you.

I have asked before but you have not answered, are you two involved in a church? There might be some type of men's accountability group he could join.

hang in there

we are not involved in a church....it is very hard for me to verify things because we do not have any money for PI or any of the other things and i don't have any friends in this area...he can't transfer his job because it is a small company and they only have branches here...he has made it clear that he doesn't want to mover right now...for one he has a really good job and we don't have the money to move...also he told me we don't need to go to counseling anymore...he said he would go if i wanted him too but he doesn't think we need it...he thinks we are handling things fine on our own

Does this OW have anyone close to her a boyfriend, husband, etc that knows about their A?

she is married...we all use to be friends...she was my best friend and her husband was my husbands best friend...and we both have two children

Does her husband know about the A with your husband? Does he know about MB principles and NC and such? If not then why not? Are they staying together, getting divorced, separated? He could be your single biggest help against the A starting up again. Please tell me he knows all about this including this new contact.

he knows about the affair and no contact but he did something after d-day that made me not want to have any contact with him...we have not talked since d-day

Let me guess, he approached you to have a revenge A with him? If I my guess is wrong or if it's correct please don't feel pressured to discuss it here.

I would make clear to WH? that NC is forever and share with him Dr. Harley's thoughts on the matter. Has your WH read any of Dr. Harely's books (HN/HN, Surviving An Affair, etc)? Has the counselor you have gone to expressed the much needed requirement of NC to your WH? Could you afford a session or two with one of the Harley's to counsel you and your WH?

I am so sorry for your pain. I notice that you had just had a child about the time your WH's A started. My guess is that instead of seeing having these two wonderful childen as a blessing that his taker wanted to be the same center of attention his was before the children and it is simply not realistic. Did he want children?

I am the BH ins my case and my EX WW had our son only 7 months before going back to work full time (first time in 3 years) and starting an A with an older man that she worked with. After many attempts by me to save our M she simply would make no effort to end the A (still going today) leaving me no choice but to protect my son (which I did, winning full custody of an 18 month old at the time).

I will never get the fact that someone can destroy not only the person they married, said they loved, cherished, etc and I will certainly not get how they could destroy the lives of beautiful children like yours and mine.

BUMP for SNR14