You do realize that Xanax is only for extreme anxiety, and should only be taken sparingly, like when you have a panic attack. It is quite a strong anti-anxiety medication and is quite addictive if taken regularly. DO NOT take it with alcohol.

Well, she gave me the minimum dosage and I am only supposed to use it sparingly. I doubt if I'll even use it. I don't drink so that's not a problem. She did tell me about it being addictive. Like I said, I doubt if I'll even use it.

Hey Rock,

Funny you ask about wanting to know more about your wife and what happened.

I asked my fww a few questions last night about her EA. She answered them without hesitation and added some also. We are now that a place where we can talk about it without anger. She said that the whole thing makes her sick to think about it though and she is very sorry for the hurt she caused.

It takes time. So, I would wait for the questions and let it go for now. There will be time for that latter on in recovery.

you're doing better than you think.

Thank you so much for the encouraging words. I really don't want to just badger her with questions. I know that that won't do any good. I have learned that she does give up more information as time goes on. It's not that I feel like I need to know every little detail (o.k. sometimes lol) there's just a few things I wish I knew. I know that it's easy to say that it's all in the past and why worry about it now. It's hard though. I will try to let them all go for now and concentrate on my marriage and EN and no LB for now. I hope though in the future that she will be even more open about it.
Just like you M2L, my W has told me that it makes her sick to think about it. This afternoon is especially hard because she told me that today that she has to walk by the PA OM at work. She told me that she would tell me whenever she had to. I appreciate that. The OM works in a different building than her and she has to walk thru his building toget to another building. (that is how she got to know him, he would flirt with her whenever she would walk thru) SInce D-day she walks around the building to avoid OM, but if someone that doesn't know about the A wants to go to their other building she has to go with them. She does tell me though whenever this happens.

You're doing very well Rock. Take a look at your first post here and read it agian. I just did and I see a man who grew a lot in just over a month.

Very nice

*** note: as time goes on, your wife will let you meet more and more of her EN. A little here and a little there, but it will add up so keep trying to meet them even if you don't think you are.*****

Thank you and thank God for this website. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Right now there are so many things that I want to ask her, but I don't want to ruin all the progress that I think we have made. Do you think that my questions would be ok to talk to her in the future>? Or should I just bite my tongue and try to forget about what I would like to know. It's tough.

You will need to talk about your questions and everything that happened in the future. You will need to know why/how it happened and how to prevent it from happening agian.
All this will come in recovery, but not now.

Never just sweep this under the rug. It may lead to this sitch agian.

-no R/A/M talk right now on your part.

-if she talks about the OM just listen and don't take it to heart.

-spent quality time togther doing fun things. WOMEN LOVE TO SHOP, even if it is window shopping. An afternoon at a few stores then to dinner somewhere. You want to build the conection between you two agian.
-Try to meet any EN she may have. It won't seem like you are meeting any right now, but you are. My wife told me that she saw every little good deed I did during Plan A.

keep up the good work

Just a vent because I'm down.
I miss laying in bed on these cold winter nights. Feeling so secure, leaving all my troubles outside knowing that at that moment I am safe and sound being beside my wife. So warm and secure.
Now I have to go crawl and lay there next to a woman that it seems I don't even know or is not the person that I thought she was. I have to lay there and think and wonder about the things that she hasn't told me. I have to wonder about the things that the OM told me.
It's so bittersweet. Being in bed with her feels so right, yet hurts so bad.

Sorry, just felt like writing something. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Sure man, I know how you feel.

Why not tell us a few things that you love about your wife. Lets work from that end for a while.

Don't stop now, you're doing good!!!

Thanks M2L. You have given me such great support so far. You seem like you have it all together. How can you be so calm for someone who just had a D-Day on May 06? It's encouraging to see that.
I love my wife very much. When you ask me to tell you a few things that I love about my wife it seems kind of difficult right now. Not because there's not much I love about her, it's just that I have to kind of look back before she rocked my world to think of those things and also to try to decipher the things about her that I have to believe were real or not.
Maybe that doesn't make much sense. Maybe I'm making a big complicated thing about such a simple question.
I love the way that my wife takes care of our children. I love the way that I know that deep down she really does care about me. I love the way she cooks, the way she laughs and the way she looks. I love the fact that she stuck with me for what I had put her through when she was a BS. I love her uniquiness (sp). I love the way she is really a good person inside, I believe she really has a kind heart. I love the way that she touches me.
I hope this wasn't too corny.

These all sound like a woman you would M and you did. You see your goal and you're doing great. Pretty fast in fact.

Remember there will be ups and downs.

Dday May06- He)) for the most part, but when your wife tells you how wrong she was and how much credit she gives you for being a "great H". Well, it does make it all worth it. Sure I wish it never happened, but it did and all I can do now it make it the best I can for the rest of our lives.

Your working a great plan A

That is what keeps me focused. The big picture. I know that we can't go back and changed what happened. It happened. I realize that healing will take time. I'm learning to just accept and be happy about any little things that happens everyday. Whether it be a long meaningful apology from her or just a hug as she passes me by.
The hardest part is how I deal sometimes with my curiosity about things that happened. I do have questions sometimes and I do bring them up. I know though that I can't just interogate her and expect her to just open up to me fully. I have to know when to back off. I've learned that I get more results when I am implementing Plan A than I was handling things differently.
If I didn't love her this would be so much easier. For sure. It's funny because some people I have talked to have told me that they couldn't go on with my marriage like I am. I've learned that you really don't know what you will do until it happens to you. Also, to me divorce is not an option. Ecspecially if I know that she still has some love for me. Well, once again I am babbling on about stuff. Thanks for listening.

I'm listening and your doing great. Sure glad your wife didn't listen to the people that told her to get out way back when you had your A - right?

Unitl they walk in these shoes they should just suport you. Maybe they are thinking of you and your best intrest, but they don't know how to recover a M - this place does.

Post anytime you feel the need to talk.

She did have people telling her to throw my *** out. I'm glad she didn't choose that route. Although I don't think that we really dealt with my A properly.
Just the other morning she told me that one of her friends years ago, after telling her about my A, that I didn't deserve her. Now it's odd because she is the WS and she doesn't think that she deserves me.

My new dilema (sp)
Ok. I hope this isn't too off topic, but I'mhoping for some suggestions. I might have mentioned this earlier, my W has a drinking problem that I fear is starting to get out of hand. Last week at our drs appt she admitted to our dr that she believed that she had a problem with this. Our dr told her that she (our dr) is a recovering alcoholic and is attending AA meetings. She explained to my w that she didn't need to drink and that she should attend a meeting and gave her the times and locations of these meetings. I thought that hearing the advice of her dr that she would come around and kick the habit. Unfortunately that didn't work.
Last night I took my 2 dds with me to visit my mother at the hospital. My w was going to go, but she told me that she wasnt feeling well and decided to stay home. I said sure. So when we came home she told me that she had gone to the store to get a few things. Which is totally unlike her. Usually she just sends me. I asked her what she really went for (meaning her alcohol) and she went ballistic on me. She was angry that I even accused her of doing that. So later I kind of felt bad for maybe falsely accusing her and sent her an apology via email to her work email. I told her that I am sorry that she felt like she always had to defend herself and stuff.
So then I did a little snooping and found that the check that she wrote seemed to be more than what it should have for what she said that she bought. So I did some searching and in a very secluded place (I'mnot even sure why I would have looked there), I found a bottle with some gone. So now I'm not sure what to do with it. I could dump it and put it back with a note or I could dump it and put it back. I don't know how to confront her this time. What can I do to get her to go to an AA meeting. I want to stop this before it gets even more out of hand. It also pains me to know that she is being dishonest with me when she should be being completely honest with me.
Thanks for listening and I am sorry that this isn't really affair related.

Ok Rock,

I'm not versed in this at all. I know she will need to stop drinking and I do think that the drinking an A are some what releated.

Lets change the name of this thread to something like:

My WW has a drinking problem - help!!

Do you know how to change the title?

No I don't. Can you help? Also, how do I get my info at the bottom of my posts?

To change your title you go to your first post and click on edit. Then change the title to what you want and then click on change this post. More people who know about this will come along then.

I will look it up. I want to give you the correct terms on here.

Ok -

Goto "My home"

go down to "Personal Info, Email, Password"

Click on edit and then go down to "Signature" Add your info here.