I'm seeing it happen and I'm rubbing my eyes in disbelief. I'm hearing the words we're speaking and I want to put my hands over my ears and refuse to listen. Better yet, I want to keep the words from being spoken at all. <P>It's over.<P>My H and I spoke on the phone tonight. He cried and I cried. Crying. We finally agree on something. I can count on one hand the number of times my H has cried. To hear it tore me to pieces. It makes it real. We're probably going to get a divorce. H said he doesn't want a divorce, yet made no suggestions on how we can resolve the issues between us. H isn't going to bend and I'm not either. Our marriage is struggling for life air and I don't know how to save it. God help me. Us. <P> <BR> <BR><P>------------------<BR>For I know the thoughts I think<BR>toward you, saith the Lord,<BR>thoughts of peace, not of evil,<BR>to give you an expected end.<BR>Jeremiah 29:11<BR>

Kyra,<P>Of course God will help you! Be strong.<P>“Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.<BR>Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this.“<BR>Psalms 37: 4-5<BR><P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A> <BR>

Kyra - I don't know your story other than what you posted here. I just wanted you to know I am so very sorry. I thought I heard hope in your H's word's that "he doesn't want a divorce" - then you said he isn't going to bend and you won't either. I am curious as to why not if you feel like sharing. My H filed nine months ago and was adamant there was no hope but we are still together so I guess I was hoping for a little miracle for you too. I am truly sorry you are going through this.

Kyra<BR> I have been thinking of you.<BR>Let the tears flow. <BR>Every end is followed by a new beginning. Maybe it is time to end the old marriage. not divorce necessarily but is there a chance that the two of you can start from scratch?<BR>I think that is what I have done in a way. Even though The bad memories are there, I have thrown away the resentments from years past. The new start that I am trying to make with my H does not have anything to do with the things we did wrong over the years. We both have regrets and we can't change what happened.<BR>We can choose to be with each other without carrying that stuff with us.<BR>I know, easier said than done. It is always there. But it doesn't have to be a predictor of how we behave now.<BR>Take some time to grieve and think (not too hard). Is it possible to start something new together instead of continuing what was?<BR>Just some thoughts on a different perspective. If neither of you wants a divorce it may be a way to start a new life.<BR>Rambling I know but sometimes if I do that one little intelligent thing might just pop out of my fingertips.

Wasstubborn: You know I posted in another thread anout not throwing away a marriage but changing it and building on it.<P>I read your post here and now I'm curious about the merits of "starting from scratch" This could proof to be quite valuable.<P>I always welcome a different view, even if I don't want to hear it. It the way it's said that makes the difference. Excellent reply.<p>[This message has been edited by Paul Moyers (edited October 06, 1999).]

Paul<BR>My H and I have 25 years and two children together so "starting from scratch" is a bit of an exageration.<BR>What I mean is that the habits we developed over the years in dealing with each other were NOT working.<BR>I had to look at myself and see what I was doing wrong in the scheme of things to cause distance between us.<BR>I changed my entire approach to marriage and life. I threw away the resentments and the things I could not change. <BR>obviously our history goes with us. We can look at it and decide what we want to use and throw away. What may be helpful in a new start. And what will hurt it. What we want to keep and build on and what will not be useful in the relationship.<P>Kyra<BR>sorry to ramble like this. Just want you to know I believe in you

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Kyra}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>I'm so sorry.... I know what you are going through, so just let it all out. Cry out all the hurt and frustration.... until you feel dehydrated and like there are no more tears left, and then cry some more. I know that is what it took for me to finally be able to think somewhat clearly (clearly for me anyway ). <P>If you want to, email me. (I don't leave until Friday). <P>Your Buddy,<BR>Butterfly<P>PS ~ they need to add a "hug" icon.<BR><P>------------------<BR>My favorite quote....<BR>"Hello, this is God. I will be handeling your problems today. I will not need your help, so sit back and have a good day."<BR>

Kyra,<P>Same exact thing happened to me on Monday. Must be a bad week or something. We had "the talk" and decided the same way you did, divorce is the only way.<P>W called twice before I met with lawyer yesterday to get the paperwork started. Crying both times begging me not to start divorce. "I don't want a divorce" sound familiar. But, also could not come up with an alternative plan. Won't dump OM so I'm out of here.<P>She is welcome to come back when:<P>She is ready to commit to the marriage.<BR>She is ready to move back into our home.<BR>She is ready to give up completely the OM.<BR>She is ready to accept my love and understanding during the withdrawl.<BR>She is ready to build a strong foundation for our marriage.<P>Until then I will wait the 90 days until the divorce is final.<P>It seems that there is a distint pattern that "they" follow.<P>Wishing us all the Best<P>Medic