I have been married 7 months on the 20th of this month. Before this my now husband and I were together 7 years. We have done everything together. We have always been happy. We are memebers of a recreational volleyball team. About 2 months ago a "new" girl came to work at his workplace and he asked her to come. Ever since then things have not been the same. It all started last week. He wanted to start a restuarant business and I thought it was a bad idea and he made some decisions without me. Then on Saturday night we went to the Christmas dinner for his workplace and she was there. Throughout these 2 months when they have been together they are way too "close." After the dinner we all went out. He danced with her (he never dances). From upstairs I saw them talking really close. SO I got mad. He started to tell me he didn't love me anymore. SHe made him realize he could be happier without me. They had been having these conversations at work and she wa leaving her husband too and they were going to be together and his life was devoted to her. The next day he admitted he had lost his love for me 2 months ago when she came into the picture. I have talked to her she and him both said they had no sexual relations and she has no intentions of leaving her husband. She also told him she had no intentions of leaving her husband and when we were talking last night he said "even if we (him and her) don't end up together he knows he would be happier without me. I have asked him can't we try to work it out and he is convinced his feelings won't change. Is there any hope????

Welcome to the boards.

Have you read the Basic Concepts on this website? It is linked to in the welcome post at the top of the forum.

Regards,
rs0522

December - Repost your story as soon as possible on the General Questions II Forum. There is a lot more traffic there and the experts will start jumping in right away.

I am so sorry for what brought you her but you found a good place to get help.

Start reading immediately about Plan A and emotional needs. The A has to be exposed and killed as soon as possible. You will soon have a lot of input on that.

You have a lot of work to do but it can be done.

Again, repost as soon as you can at GQII.

Hi December16,

I'm very sorry to hear about your situation. I don't think I have any advice for you. I will pray for you.

Sometimes, when we get married, we realize that our spouses are "another person." I kind of thought my wife and I would become one. We agree on so many things...but in many ways...we didn't become one.

Her treatment of me was not acceptable to me within a marriage. I couldn't understand why she would treat her own husband so harshly.

But, she's still her own person. Maybe she's exercising her independence...maybe your husband is doing the same thing. Being married made him one with you, but somewhere in his mind, he's short-circuited over that point. He can't handle it and is consciously doing things from his unconscious inability to accept that he is married.

I'm sure he could be happier than he ever dreamed of with you.

My wife and I have benefitted from www.lightyourfire.com. In a way, the product "sells" the idea of having a happy marriage to couples.

Maybe watch the little video with your husband.

From what you're saying, it sounds like his issue, which has now become your issue (an "us" issue). You can help him through this.

Still, basically, you can offer, and he can accept or reject. He's the one straying, not you. Please don't think this is about you, as I really don't think it is.

If you commit to saving the marriage, I'd say give it your all. Buy books and products, go to marriage workshops with your husband...talk with counselors pros and church volunteers...I suggest going for it all.

Being told that your husband thinks he'd be happier without you must really hurt. I'm sorry you experienced that.

Best,
D--

I'm sorry to hear about the difficult time you're facing. I'm going through a similar situation except we've been married for 13 mos. His affair started started in mo. 9. It's tough b/c I'm assuming you guys don't have any kids and you can bail out now. Ask yourself what you want from this relationship and if he's not willing work with you to define it or go to MC to make it work then take care of yourself. Don't blame yourself.