This is just my opinion. I think you need to fight for your marriage and stick to your vows and commitment. That is a very important thing. I don't know if you are religious, but I am, and felt that our marriage was a covenant.

You will never regret trying your best. Otherwise you will always wonder what if?

I agree. I originally was married at 24 and we did not have any kids (we are friends today and she has three). I gave it my all... even though I was ignorant to much at that time. I think I would have a very hard time looking back if I knew I hadn't tried to get past her affair. We are... both my ex and I... so much better off for my having not just let go. It would have been easier... but it would not have honored the vows that I made to her and God.
Until the day I was divorced, she knew she had a husband to come home to.

Thanks beleiver. NO offense MelodayLane b/c I appreciate all your wisdom, but why do people always think that just b/c we are younger we made a mistake. i knew on my wedding day what the commitment was and what it meant. When a guy asks a girl to marry him, he knows that he's asking her to be his one and only.

1 problem beleiver- as much as I want to fight, i'm scared now. I mean really- wht would I say to this ow parents? They will probably think i'm some wierdo- FYi- her dad is a sherrif deputy and WH and OW work for the sherrifs dept.

I am a former cop... the fact that they are law enforcement has nothing to do with how you should handle this. You are the one acting with honor and integrity. Hold your head high and do what is necessary.

okay everydaycount-

if I attempt to call the OW house again can I get in trouble?- after she told my WH if I ever show up there again they are calling the cops???

Her Dad may be strongly opposed to his daughter messing around with another cop in the office making HIM look bad AND the fact he's a married man corrupting his daughter. He MAY choose to get involved and bust it up for you. He may not care...but at least he'll know.

You just tell him you are trying to save your marriage and that his daughter and your husband are having an illicit adulterous sexual affair. You would appreciate it if he would assist you in busting up the affair thus giving you a chance to save it. As long as they are together...you have no chance. It's the right thing to do.

If he gets upset or chastizes you...just thank him for his time and hang up.

Mr. Wondering

I'm an attorney

You can't get in trouble unless you violate a court order forbidding you from contacting someone.

Them filing a restraining order against you might feel like you are getting in trouble but it's not. They can file whatever they like. In fact, if they do you and your attorney get a chance to cross examine them on the witness stand. It's usually a bluff...they don't want to go to court and put their affair on the record. Especially at the courthouse where they KNOW everybody. If they get a summary restraining order (meaning without any hearing which they may be able to do in your state and seeing as they are cops with friends in high places YOU can object to it and then make them go on the record...they'll likely drop it then. Once the secret is out...they won't care and will likely try to convince you it had no effect (which is a big fat lie to shut you up further).

Don't let the infidels manipulate you. YOU stay strong. YOU are in the right....THEY are in the wrong.

Mr. Wondering

no

Personally, I would vote for exposing to the parents in writing, including several email copies to show that something is going on.

That way you come across in a good light, and they have the proof right there in front of them to digest at their leisure.

I can't help but agree with both Mel and Believer, in that the smart thing to do is to run not walk, but this is such a personal choice, and the smart thing may not be the right thing for you. (But only you can decide that for sure.)

And honestly, which option you choose has less to do with your future happiness than the discovery that you control your own destiny. No WH or OW can ever take that power from you, once you own it.

{{{{Mel & B}}}} <-----2 of my heroes

heartbroken -

It makes me feel so good that someone so young understands making a committment. When you expose to anyone, tell them that you married for better or worse, in sickness and health, til death do you part. Let them know that you are standing for your vows, and would appreciate any help.

Heartbroken

I am not criticizing you...I am only trying to assist you expressing yourself accurately in MB boardland.

Your husband's affair is with the OW (other woman) not the OMW (which stands for "other man's wife"). Your posts are currently implying that you had or have an OM and now your husband apparently is having an affair with your OM's wife. I know this is not the case. Others, later, may be confused if you keep saying it wrong.

No worries...now you know.

Mr. Wondering

ps - there is an MB abbreviation key pinned to the top of the "Just Found Out" infidelity board in case you need it to dechipher anything.

The way i look at it believer- if I was just dating this guy- I'd be gone in a heartbeat. Yeah I'd be hurt, but would not stand for something like this....But marriage changes evrything. Like you, I cant just give up on the commitment I made. (it would be like giving up on a loved one who had a crack addiction) You just dont do it. You are there through thick and thin and support one another- but who knows, maybe it's just me being a good ole Iowa girl.

Thank you Thank you Mr. Wondering. I am totally clueless about these abbreviations. I just kind of tried to figure them out. I will take a look at them.

God Bless Iowa girls.

I wasn't able to save the marriage, in fact I was the one that filed for divorce. But I did wait for 3 and a half years. I'm happy I did. No regrets here.

Hey, my daughter goes to college in Davenport and she is friends with few Iowa girls. Nice, levelheaded kids. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

If they met through work, I would expose to your WH's work as well. Stay strong. You need to expose to end this insidious affair.

okay i cant get into the push pin for the abbreviations?? How do I do this? Lol- you guys must think i'm a dork. can you tell i've never really done this whole internet chatting thing!

Double click on the title of the thread and it will open the thread. I was just there, but it is to long to cut and paste here....

Send the OWH a certified letter that only he can retrieve including any and all proof and your phone number should he want to talk more.

To ****** with what your WH thinks or feels. HE obviously doesn't care about how you feel. Steve Harley will tell you that your M can survive an A but not three people in it. No chance as long as the A is active.

I did see where you have only been married a short time and this has happened. I would tend to lean towards running as fast as you can from this toxic idiot WH and count your blessings as he will likely be a serial cheater. BUT, regardless I would make sure that OWH knows everything regardless of WH's reactions or OW's crap. Do the right thing for the OWH. He deserves to know. You would want someone to tell you wouldn't you?

Do it. Don't debate it, just do it. If your WH threatens you in any way have his azz locked up.

If you still want to call the OWH and can come up with a phone number that he will answer, check this out:

http://www.spoofcard.com/

With this you can cause a different caller ID to come up when you call. $10 will get you 60 minutes worth of calls (way more than you should need). The way it works is you call a toll free number, give your PIN, enter the caller ID you want to spoof, and enter the number to call. (You can also choose to change your voice, but that really sounds fake.) I would think you would need to carefully plan your first words (maybe "Your wife is having an affair with my husband.") lest he hang up on you (and definitely hang up if she answers!!!).

I've got one of the cards but haven't used it (other than testing). I now know where the OMW works (and that I have actually talked to her in the past several times), so I'll be seeing her in person (but not yet). So far I haven't come up with a need for spoofing the caller ID, but the card is there if I should. There are some other cards out there that are $20 for 60 minutes. Maybe the voices sound better on those, I don't know.

Hope this helps.