Excuse me, but where is it written exposure must be made to the OWH first? Why keep butting your head against a brick wall...particularly when you already know a way around that wall?

Lady, if your WH and the OW work for the Sheriff's Department, go to the sheriff and lay all this out for him/her. Government organizations have rules of conduct they’re required to adhere to and I'll bet your sheriff’s personnel office will be very sensitive to any suggestion the sheriff has created an environment where adultery can thrive.

Get yourself an attorney if you think one could assist you with this. I think the Sheriff’s office will scramble to answer a call from a respected lawyer asking about such things and making a formal complaint about…oh, say…conducting an “affair” on the taxpayer’s time, using county government equipment to access youtube.com (if the posting times and dates corroborate that), etc., etc. Even if you don’t mention it, the Sheriff will have nightmares about such things being written about in the local newspaper.

Exposure to OWH will probably happen naturally after exposure to your WH’s employer and you can forget about him avoiding you. He might just come to you and ask what more you know.

Don’t forget exposure to everyone else too, Lady. There must be other people who know your WH or the OW and whose knowledge about the adultery can put pressure on it to smash it up. How about any professional associations your WH belongs to? How about your minister?

Well, Longhorn I've exposed this to his whole family. No one will step in and urge him to come home and try. He says that he tryed on his own and it didnt work. I keep telling him that we need to try "together" now that I'm aware of a problem- but he just doesnt seem to care what I think, feel or say.

Mr. Wondering-
Can I get in trouble for breaking into his email account? It was on our home computer. He changed the password. Every other account he has always told me what it was and never minded me snooping. I finally got into this account by answering some security q's. But I am afraid to tell anyone I have proof of this affair b/c I dont know if he can press charges on me for that.

1HEARTBROKEN,

Re-read Longhorn's post above. Have you exposed to the Sheriff's department to others like Longhorn suggests. Have you provided any proof to the OWH yet? A certified letter or something?

He is not going to work on your M until he exits his A. See, he has someone to "work with", his OW. She is meeting his needs and he has someone to fall back on, someone to hold, someone to have sex with, someone to plan a future with, and more. YOU have to remove this addiction, crutch from him by breaking up his A. Until then he sees no reason to reach out to you. He already has his squeeze.

Do whatever necessary to break up his affair within the law.

Mr. Longhorn,
you have mail <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

By the way, nice to see you on here.

1. Send all the emails to another private email that only you know about.

2. Print off some of it as proof and show it to the OW's husband. You are being too manipulated by them, you can't get arrested for calling or visiting someones house uninvited. Imagine how many mormons would be in jail if this were possible!

3. Expose to their work. To the human resources dept if they have one, and ask them exactly what they will do about it. Once the bubble is busted at work, they'll both be really uncomfortable.

I doubt a husband could press charges for his wife seeing his email, but I'm not a lawyer. I mean, just to carry out the charges, the contents and verbage of the emails might also be brought into light, and affairs like to live in the dark.

okay, I am totally freaking out! Remember yesterday how I told you all how furious my WH was with me when I went to the MOW house. I never thought I would hear from him again. Well he called me last night. Did not argue, just called me b/c he wanted to. He then called again tonight twice and then said he'd talk to me again later if I was up.....I'm not going to get my hopes up, but what the heck???

1Heart,

Hi, I'm new to your thread, but I've been around here more than 5 years <sigh>. You are getting excellent advice.

Now, what your H is up to? Probably two things are going on in his head.
1) He's trying to make nice to you while he figures out how to prevent you from ruining his affair.
2) You've earned a little respect - and he's intrigued by it. He thought he could just do whatever he wanted and bulldoze you, but you've begun to show some backbone and he admires you for that. A year from now, when all this is over, he'll tell you that. He may even say he was proud of how you handled him.

I'm I right folks?

Now, you've started to get a little initiative. Keep it up! Email, shemail! Monitor his activities by whatever means you can find! Put a tracking device on his car. He, being a cop, will be ashamed of himself that he didn't notice that - but probably he won't. I'm serious! This is not some James Bond story. This is your life. Grab hold of it boldly! I used an "LAS 3000". There are others that may be better/cheaper now, but I know that one works well. You can find one on e*bay.

The point of this data collection, as others have told you, is to give you enough proof that you can show to others - so that they can only agree that he is having an A. Now, for him, you should not tell him how you know. Just tell him you know. Let him squirm and guess.

-AD

Don't get your hopes up - just stay in a good Plan A. It is very important now. Have you been reading LilSis's thread? She is doing an excellent Plan A.

If WH calls, just be pleasant and stay in your plan. He may be trying to placate you so you won't contact OW's H again, or the exposure might be working.

Take your time, and have no expectations.

Yep, just read LilSis' thread. very moving.

Believer is on the money there. Patience - much patience is required. You may still lose the game in the end, but you will have learned much and, in that event, can walk away with your head held high.

-AD

Hey AD, great minds think alike!

As for LilSis, she is doing very well for so early in this. You need to implement a similar plan. You are the expert on your husband.

Prepare yourself for the fact that he might be trying to protect the OW.

What was his response to exposure? I don't remember seeing it. Usually they are furious, and then get over it.

quick question- I found the HR email address for their place of work. As you know I am afraid to do anything further in fear of making my WH mad again- ecspecially now that he's calling me today. Because I'm so nervous and scared I dont know what to write. Do I just ask if they condone affairs in the workplace and then see what they reply before I go into detail or do I come right out and tell them my situation and see if they can change thier work shifts? Do you think they would keep this confidential as to how they found this out??? AHHH, I'm so nervous!

Ahem - how did he respond to the first exposure?

he was furious- made me out to be the immature, stalking, physchotic b****! Told me he was beginning to think he was making the right decision in leaving me!!! oh yeah and the mow said if I ever show up there again- she'll call the cops- even though alls i did was knock on the door- no one answered so I left the house. I didnt break any laws

I would let them know what is going on. Tell them that the affair is threatening your marriage, and you want to know what they are going to do about it.

Dear Mr. Sheriff,

My husband, Mr. Heartbroken, and a fellow employee, Ms. 'Saur, have been committing adultery with each other for some time. Please see attatched documentation.

I know that your department has a fine reputation to uphold, and that you would not want to allow a situation to continue that has the potential for so much bad publicity, and even lawsuits, such as from sexual harassment, should any of your other employees feel they were being treated unfairly at any time, by my husband or his mistress. The liability these days is quite high.

You want to save your department from the problems that could result from in-house adultery, and I want to save my marriage from the same. If there is anything further I can do to assist you, please let me know.

Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter.

Sincerely,
Mrs. Heartbroken

If you don't hear anything after a short period of time, call the sheriff to ask what steps he plans to take. Try to use the phrase, "My friend over at the newspaper says....." at least once. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks Neak! Thats what I needed- I didnt know how to word anything. I think I might sleep on it tonight though just b/c im nervous and my heart isnt with it tonight since he's called me twice and told me to call him again later!

1HB, I don't have any opinion about exposing the affair at the workplace. I do have two pieces of advice that you need to pay attention to.

First, six months? Look. Say the affair ends. Is this husband going to be a good and strong man through the next crisis? If you live long enough there will be one. It's as sure as the turning of the earth. Set your pride, and promises you made to yourself, aside. Never mind all that. Make a smart choice. Is your husband a lightweight or a heavyweight?

Second, do not operate from a position of fear. You are not going to jail. You are not going to be committed. People with opinions that matter are not going to think you're crazy. Do what you need to do, do it through the fear, and do it with as little drama as possible. When a tiger is chasing you, fear can help you. When a couple of numbnuts affair partners are spewing panicky threats at you, forget it. Don't allow the fear they arouse in you to have any sway. You have nothing to fear from some head-up-his-butt 23-year-old boy who poses no physical threat.

GC