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After getting here to your thread, I saw Rin's post to you, and I didn't see a response.
I look forward to checking back and reading one. if there was something specific you were curious about, please re-ask, and I'll see if I can give a coherent reply.
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But when someone says by their actions(and words!), "yeah, I promised to love you and only you until we die, but.. you know what? You just arent worth it any more.. I'm going to choose someone else as more important to me than you now. I would rather break the most important vow someone can make in their lifetime, than be with you any more"...
That is hurtful. About the most hurtful thing someone can inflict on another.
It is a choice. And it is a choice made in the knowledge that the choice will hurt me. But it still isn't about you, techie. I don't understand why you believe that it is. But I also know what I did wrong prior to the EAs. It resulted in a lot of hurt to my wife. She hasnt be able to forgive me for it, and she doesnt believe I can act differently, so far. Which is why she has up until now, given up on our marriage. And yes, whatever it was that you believe that you did wrong prior 2 her EA is "about you", but her reaction 2 it never will be. Don't forget that there is a clear-cut distinction between being partially responsible for the condition of the M before the A, and the choice 2 have the A. Both of you are responsible for the M, but she is entirely responsible for choosing 2 have an A. It is "about me". it's not about "the OM du jour". It's about my wife looking for happiness elsewhere, because she had given up hope on finding happiness with me. Which is why it's "about her." I agree that it isn't about the current OM, though. I'm now trying to show her, that she doesn't have to look elsewhere any more. If you do this "passively", in other words if you do it by just being the kind of person she'd prefer 2 be with, then fine. But if you're trying 2 convince her by badgering her - e.g., insisting on having R talks when she doesn't want 2 have them - I don't believe it'll ever work. -ol' 2long
Last edited by 2long; 03/21/07 12:14 PM.
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Hmm.
had our usual wednesday dinner last night. except was a bit different.. she came a little earlier than usual, so we got to ride in the car together with our boys to go pick up the food.
It was nice to see her and chat with her for the extra time, even though she was very stressed from a work thing that day. She almost called off coming early, completely.
Things were tense because of that.
Originally, we were supposed to have a longer "family day" every week, starting with that wednesday. But at one point, she said she was too stressed out from work and couldnt.
When I indicated I was unhappy that we werent going to do the "family day" thing like we talked about, I got, "ARE YOU QUESTIONING MY INTEGRITY?".
me: "your family misses you"
her: "[how dare you] try to guilt me into coming!"
sigh.
Tense time. Yet also, signs of other potentially good things. maybe.
The pendant is gone from around her neck. She hadn't previously taken it off, since valentine's day.
Also, she brought up again, us going to a movie, +dinner.
Yet in the same evening, she also mentioned that she needs to work on her self-image/self-esteem, and she cant do that with any man in her life.
She bragged to our children about how the construction on her mom's house is coming for them.(making extra rooms for her and our children)
Trying to be patient. Trying to figure out how I can support "her self-image", and spend more time with her.
I still miss my children, though. That hasn't gone away. I don't have fair time with them.
It's tough to stay patient. I miss my children almost as much as I miss my wife.
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wow. another week already <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Wife came over last night. A bit earlier than last time. Although she left a little earlier. It was a very enjoyable evening. (Apart from me getting into a minor collision in the parking lot, picking up dinner <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> bye-bye $300... sigh...) spent some time in a group online together in the evening... i think that went fairly well, too. feeling a bit more positive than i was previously... although kinda disturbed that she's using "home" a whole lot more, to refer to her mother's house <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
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FFXI (final fantasy) yes. It's the only thing that seems to serve as "common interest/activity" right now. I'd *really* like to do other things with her. The golf was fun <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> But not pushing her. I'll ask her again in a while and see if she's interested in other stuff. Hopefully, if the weekend goes well, then she might be more interested. Right now, I'm looking forward to her cooking. She asked me what I'd like her to cook for saturday lunch. We came up with her "salmon teriaki" dish. Mmm...... hungry now <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
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woohoO! today's the day of the trip! I'm really happy today <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
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