my wife is hurting from the affair that i had months ago that now she is finding out. I love her and want to be with her and make things stronger. The only thing ive read is that in time. That i have to give her time to herself, but i really havent given her that. We have 2 children together. I want my future with her and i do love her. but now its hard with her saying she has images in her head. IM going to counseling. but any advice to how to end that pain? cause its hurting me too to see her like that.

You cannot end her pain; it is a process that takes a great deal of time and caring. Answer her questions, be open and honest (an open book). Find out why you decided on betraying the family trust, and work on yourself. You cannot go backwards now, nothing will be as it was before, but that may be a good thing in the end. Do not waiver in your commitment to your wife and family. Make changes for the better. This is a long road, so hang in there. There will be others along with more advice. Listen, learn. I don't like seeing a poster who is waiting for answers, and I like to let them know they are not alone.

There is no shortcut to the healing process. It will take it's time. You can, however, make it easier for her. Reassurance, listening and loving will all help her get through it.

Allow her to ask you questions if she wants to. Allow her to know what she wants to know about your affair, and do not hide any detail if she wants to know. I've seen a few disasters on this board where a WS hid some facts from the BS to 'protect them'. It just demolishes their trust in you once they find out you lied again.

Consider couple counseling if she is interested.

reverence, the fastest path to healing your marriage will be to answer all of her questions truthfully and to make sure that all contact is cut off with the OW. Are you doing those things?

Outside of that, it will just take time to heal this. It is good that you are in counseling. Hopefully, you are working on resolving what led to this affair in the first place. Good luck.

well i know its a time thing. its just wanting to know if cetain things im doing is right. some days she wants to see me and we talk ok. then other times she is in a world of hurt. Since it did happen long ago and i put that behind me and to learn from it. its like things snapped in my head and i wanted to make the family stronger and better to what it was before. I am seeking counseling for myself to understand why i did have the affair and to why i did become a different person even before that. Im trying to be patient and understanding. but its one thing for me trying to dig up the past and remember and trying to focus on my daughter and her and work. I know in a way this is what i deserve. I know i should have been there before and if i had, none of this would be happening. I am try being honest that the affair ended months ago. but then it was the communcation that still kept on between us. but it was nothing of our affair but the friendship, but even that was ending. Im trying and trying and i dont want to stop believing that I can have my family back. Thank you all for your time and words.

Happen Long ago? Your first post said months ago.

But no matter. If she just found out, it is most definitely NOT a long time ago for her.....