I haven't posted in a while but I need help. My husband of 18 years been together for 21 had an affair with a coworker that lasted about 6 months. He walked out on us the end of March and asked to come home the end of April without saying a word and I did question him. I then received a letter from the OW on May 17th telling me everything and then he left again. He asked to come home again on May 31st and I let him. Things seemed to be going good started counseling only lasted 3 times then some other things came up. To make a long story short I was snooping around and found divorce papers that he still hasn't told me about and he doesn't know I know. Things have been so bad we don't even speak to eachother. How do I try to repair this? I know I have made mistakes in this marriage but nothing justifies having an affair. Please help!!!

R U done with plan A? R U ready for plan B? R U working with an MC or can you call Steve for a recovery plan 4 u 1st and the M 2nd?

One thing in your favor....the OW is afraid of you. That is why she had to send you that letter. Keep it in a safe place. You may need to use it one day.

Read Surviving an Affair, His needs/Her Needs and Love must be Tough. These 3 books will teach you HOW to communicate with your H, to know what an A is and how to act, then how to implement plan B.

I am sorry the OW is such a piece of crap. You know they stink....it is a stench all OWs carry for as long as they remain as OWs. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Secure your finances, strenghten your personal support group. Please read about the stages of grieiving in my sig link. Get prepared.

take care,
L.

englicat, has he ended all contact with the OW? Are you working on repairing the condition in the marriage that caused y'all to fall out of love in the first place? What are you doing to meet his needs? What ARE his top needs?

Do you have Dr Harley's books, Surviving an Affair? Another one that might help is Fall in Love, Stay in Love. You can order both on this website.