While I'm not in divorce mode, I'm talking to an attorney in 2 or 3 hours just to be know my rights (but no lefts or wrongs). <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Briefly, my wife & I have lived apart since 11/10/06 when we sold our house & moved out. No legal action has been filed by either of us.

I won't lie (overtly) to the attorney, but I'm not sure I want to tell him everything I'm doing. If I'm doing anything that verges on the illegal (or perhaps is past the line), do I tell him? Anything possibly illegal would have to do with knowing what is going on (or not) and where she goes. I have pictures of them leaving two restaurants together plus of his car backing out of her garage, so one might wonder how I happened to be in the right place at the right time. (The pictures are for further "proof" when I talk to the OM's wife.) If I do spill the beans, what implications would that have down the road for me?

Sorry to be vague, but I would prefer to be right now.

Thanks!

Huh? Why would you get the advice of an attorney and lie to him?

Eterny Client Privlage, Tell him everything. And let the lawer tell you what your next step is. Last thing you want is your W haveing the upperhand by telling your Eterny something you should have.

The pictures were taken in a public place and sound perfectly legal. Illegal recordings and/or video's you may choose to keep a secret as you may be actively breaking the law and your attorney may be troubled with an obligation to report you. If you NEVER intend for such pictures, videos, recordings to see the light of day, and you tell your attorney but later deny their existence in your interrogatories, depositions or court your attorney IS obligated to report your lies/fraud on the court.

Your attorney may actually guide you a bit on this...indicating what he does and doesn't want to know. I'm not saying you are going to actively lie you will just be better able during questioning to avoid the truth.

I'll give an example, I know a guy who's wife was a pharmicist. Over their marriage she garnered a collection of presription drugs which she brought home for personal use. Not a ton. She didn't have an addiction but she'd take a vicadon or two now and then or a valium when things got stressful. My friend absconded the bag of assorted pills and stashed it for POTENTIAL use in any custody battle as this bag was in the home and available in the medicine cabinet with children around, there was NO prescription and his now XW could have lost her job because of it. NOW, if my friend had walked into the attorney's office and plopped down the bag or produced it during a deposition....what does the attorney do with a bag full of illegal prescription drugs???? They likely MUST report it to the police. Thus, my friend talked to his attorney's in generalities about what would happen "IF" this situation were to occur, etc. My friend has long been divorced but he never revealled this trump card. Fortunately, he never had to.

The pictures you referred to though don't sound illegal so you may as well.

Mr. Wondering

Nothing came up about how I knew where to be to take pictures. He advised me to get a PI to get video evidence to be put aside for a rainy day. It appears that because of the disparity in income I'm entitled to spousal support in the event of divorce. The law here changes 1/1/07 in my favor so I need to not rock the boat and risk her filling against me before then. At least now I have an idea of my legal standing.

My observation is this. The world sees absolutely no reason to try to save a marriage. That may be more so in the event of adultery, but of the majority of those who know we are separated but don't know about the adultery, virtually 100% see no reason to not move on to divorce. Thank God for MB as well as some supportive friends. I guess I should expect that attitude from a divorce attorney even though I had told him up front that I was not in divorce mode and would not look back and know that I hadn't done everything I could to resurrect our marriage. His response was that miracles can happen but he hasn't seen one marriage last that was put back together after adultery. He is also opposed to me talking to the OM's wife. Two memorable quotes I wrote down were: "Have as little contact with her as possible." (speaking of my wife) and my favorite, "Let fate work." Well, I do pray that my wife will wake up and end the affair. I think (rightly or wrongly) that she might feel better about herself down the road if she does this on her own. I also believe that is the most unlikely scenario of all. I'll definitely not deliberately rock the boat in 2006, but 2007 is a "whole nother story." I'll start a new thread before then and get some advice before I do anything, believe me. The last time I went off without advice and only quick reading (and little real understanding about exposure) I sort of threw myself under the bus (a thread of mine from back in October).