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Yes there are people here that that are rude, that post in a style that I find offensive, that seem to have an I.Q. in the lower double didgits. . . but that is just a reflection of things that exist in society as a whole.
Most people here try to be helpful, most here relate what Dr. Harley has developed to newcommers . . . or to the seasoned posters when they lose their way.
I think that a lot of what gets pinned on rudness is simply the result of this form of communication, plus some people post from work (on break of course) and have limited time so they say what they have to say as fast as they can.
Marriage Builders is just one of many recovery systems. I've been to serveral and will admit that this one seems to attract people that are more . . . brusque . . . than some of the others. Search Divorce Busters or Save Your Marriage Centeral and you will find discussion boards that may be more to your liking.
Finally, welcome aboard.
What we think or what we know or what we believe is, in the end, of little consequence. The only consequence is what we do. ~ John Ruskin
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mkeverydaycnt
That is your right to have that opinion. In some cases that maybe exactly what the WS needs. In others it may not be.
Again isn't it better to have a sinner in church? Now if someone who was a WS was on here for months or years, dang they need a tree upside the head. But if the posted in the first place...that is a step in the right direction? Agree?
That being said, I am not too concerned with the basing of the WS. It is more of the bashing because "I'm right...You're wrong".
The first step to wisdom is knowing we know nothing and the difference between a wiseman and a fool is knowing and doing.
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Okay...here goes...
Good post Saturn!
And yes, dissent is fine here. MEDC doesnt always agree with me. On the little stuff, we all have our opinions!
So, it is all good...as long as it is helpful!!
And, I am glad I could help, Saturn!!
Standing in His PresenceFBS (me) (48) FWW (41) Married April 1993... 4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B)) Blessed by God more than I deserve "If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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Mort
Hey we agree! That was a very good post Saturn. I just hope the minority of rude or abrassive posters see that they are doing more harm than good. Though their heart is probably in the right place.
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Mort-
Well that is a good point. I assume you frequent this board much more than I do. I am subject to being myopic, but you are subject to being too familiar.
Again, I do not think it happens all the time. There is some GREAT advice given here as well on other boards. But there are some well intentioned people who are doing more harm than good. Though you may feel I am one of them now since I disagree with you. Nah...many people disagree with me. It is all good, JM!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> It is just that there are times on here when those that dont quite understand "why" we do what we do, come in and try to derail things (not saying you are!!). So, we make sure to get out there and respond to these things. As I said JM...you're fine!!
Standing in His PresenceFBS (me) (48) FWW (41) Married April 1993... 4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B)) Blessed by God more than I deserve "If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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The newbie posters maybe and probably are on the fence I have no problem with a BS being on the fence. When a WS comes here on the fence AND has not informed their spouse of their actions... they frankly deserve the 2 x 4's if they do not get honest in very short order. I prefer a 31 ounce baseball bat, myself!!
Standing in His PresenceFBS (me) (48) FWW (41) Married April 1993... 4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B)) Blessed by God more than I deserve "If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> speaking of 2X4's to 'da'haid how's your butt doing after that "kicking" I recently gave you <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> you see... I recently gave Mortorman a few 2X4's my'vera'hown'self and he's survived quite nicely don'cha'know Pep Yah see, JM? Even Mortarman gets his butt kicking when he deserves it. And I deserved it!! And I thank Pep and the others that gave it to me! And Pep...yes, I have begun being able to sit down again. but one request...no more stilettos when kicking butt! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />
Standing in His PresenceFBS (me) (48) FWW (41) Married April 1993... 4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B)) Blessed by God more than I deserve "If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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That is your right to have that opinion. In some cases that maybe exactly what the WS needs. In others it may not be. I am concerned for the BS... not the WS. Every moment spent in the dark is an assault on a BS. Anything that facilitates a BS finding out the truth would be justified. Personally, I have and would again... take it upon myself to inform a BS of the WS actions if the Ws does not do so in very short order.
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Thank Mort. I hate that boards like this have to exist, but I am also glad they are here. They have helped my marriage. I have learned soooo much. When I posted I was not trying to point fingers or bash MB, just the approach some, not all, take to helping others. - mkeverydaycnt I am not familiar with your situation and I hope you have reconciled with your spouse. I do not paint myself into a corner with one philosophy over another. I think they all have good and bad points. However if one particular one helps a marraige, I'm all for it. That being said I do have the sympathy for everyone with marital problems. Unless of course there is abuse of a spouse or a child involved. EWWWW Then I can get really nasty!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />
Last edited by JokerMan; 12/20/06 04:24 PM.
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"As an American, I firmly believe in the power of dissent" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> Ah! Here may be part of the conflict. Not all of us are Americans, and the Canadian norm is definitely, definitely not the same. Now don't start saying that America is better, because that is clearly not politically correct. Differences of culture and personality, even within one country, create differences of need. Not everybody needs or can be helped by a 2X4 upside the head. Not even if you're REALLY SURE that your opinion is more accurate than theirs. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Not everybody responds, learns, or is helped by aggression, argument, or blame. Many people will change their bad or unhelpful behaviour much quicker if we respond to them with kindness. Honestly. How about if we respond to the agressive posters with brute force and emotional 2X4s, and to the assertive or gentler posters with love and sunshine?
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Yah see, JM? Even Mortarman gets his butt kicking when he deserves it. And I deserved it!! And I thank Pep and the others that gave it to me! You're welcome Mortarman. NE tyme. If ever needed, I expect reciprocation. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
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mkeverydaycnt
That is your right to have that opinion. In some cases that maybe exactly what the WS needs. In others it may not be.
Again isn't it better to have a sinner in church? Now if someone who was a WS was on here for months or years, dang they need a tree upside the head. But if the posted in the first place...that is a step in the right direction? Agree? Maybe. Depends on their intentions. As I said, I am not talkign about this once in a blue moon occurence where someone 2x4s a new poster for no reason. But, if a poster comes here in order to be disruptive, or to spread non-helpful info...then they are going to get a butt whoopin. That will never change!! Look, my wife was removed from church because of the ongoing affair. She staed at the time that she would jsut go to another church. With which my pastor said that he would inform that pastor, and she wouldnt be welcome there either...that is until she repented and stopped her adultery. That being said, I am not too concerned with the basing of the WS. It is more of the bashing because "I'm right...You're wrong".
The first step to wisdom is knowing we know nothing and the difference between a wiseman and a fool is knowing and doing. Somewhat true...but very vague here. Sure, we dont know everything. But, for example, I believe capitalism is better than socialism. Wouldnt I defend that? Wouldnt I believe I am right and the socialist is wrong?
Standing in His PresenceFBS (me) (48) FWW (41) Married April 1993... 4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B)) Blessed by God more than I deserve "If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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abloke
****How about if we respond to the agressive posters with brute force and emotional 2X4s, and to the assertive or gentler posters with love and sunshine?
That sounds like a golden mean.
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"As an American, I firmly believe in the power of dissent" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> Ah! Here may be part of the conflict. Not all of us are Americans, and the Canadian norm is definitely, definitely not the same. Now don't start saying that America is better, because that is clearly not politically correct. Differences of culture and personality, even within one country, create differences of need. Not everybody needs or can be helped by a 2X4 upside the head. Not even if you're REALLY SURE that your opinion is more accurate than theirs. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Not everybody responds, learns, or is helped by aggression, argument, or blame. Many people will change their bad or unhelpful behaviour much quicker if we respond to them with kindness. Honestly. How about if we respond to the agressive posters with brute force and emotional 2X4s, and to the assertive or gentler posters with love and sunshine? We do!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
Standing in His PresenceFBS (me) (48) FWW (41) Married April 1993... 4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B)) Blessed by God more than I deserve "If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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Yah see, JM? Even Mortarman gets his butt kicking when he deserves it. And I deserved it!! And I thank Pep and the others that gave it to me! You're welcome Mortarman. NE tyme. If ever needed, I expect reciprocation. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Yes...and you shall receive it!!
Standing in His PresenceFBS (me) (48) FWW (41) Married April 1993... 4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B)) Blessed by God more than I deserve "If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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That's cool. I think you are right. You can sift through things and figure it all out, but you and I are at the point where we WANT to fix our marriage. The newbie posters maybe and probably are on the fence. If the fence-sitting newbie is a WS, and they are defending having A's and why they did it, and trying to give motives, and not showing interest in MB principles, well, they're gonna get swatted (lovingly) and told that they need to further investigate their intentions on this board. If the newbie is a BS, and is very confused and just looking for some guidance, but still doesn't know MB principles, I, personally, have never instructed them in any way beyond reading more intensely and posting questions. I haven't seen the 2x4's fly until I (they) needed them. Dealing with infidelity is NOT for the faint of heart, and some people come here in the thick of war, needing IMMEDIATE advice, which comes out unadulterated and sugar coat free; some may view this as venomous, I see it as straight forward to the point, like a drill seargent...
Me-BS-38
Married 1997; son, 8yo
Divorced April 2009
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Many people will change their bad or unhelpful behaviour much quicker if we respond to them with kindness. Honestly I can tell you as an ex cop that while you are right that "many" would... most do not until it is uncomfortable for them to continue their "bad" behavior.
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Yes...and you shall receive it!! <gulp>
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Mort
Again, you frequent this board more than I. I may be myopic. But I have seen it enough to be concerned with running people off looking for help.
I have not seen any posters here to disrupt, but I trust your word that there have been. I agree...run those people off quick as you can. Though I will not be a regular here, I will be right behind you chasing them away.
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Dare I whisper the name CinSug? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
~Mental picture of Mrs. W bellowing, "BRING IT ON!!!!!"~
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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