You are in Plan A, and not supposed to be noticing the way he talks to you.

I would write him a little note, and ask him to check plans with you before making them with your son. Just good parenting.

Let things go another week before you check with OW's husband.

Thanks guys.
We'll see how it goes when he picks son up.

I can SO relate to the "erasing" thing. I have said that so many times....it must be a very common experience for we BSs.

Is there a way that you can pre-empt your WH's communications with your son? For example, can you call, leave a VM, TM or whatever if he won't take your calls (mine won't)...early in the week and present HIM with a plan?

i.e.; "Hi honey. Hope you are having a great day! I'm trying to make plans for DS for the week, and I was hoping that you could take him on Wednesday night, picking him up at x:00 and returning him at x:00. When you drop him off, I love it if you could replace the furnace filter. I did get some filters...gee, I hope they are the right ones. I'd really appreciate it if you'd give me a call to confirm. Thanks, love you, bye"

Just a thought...that's probably what I'd do in my sitch. Course you'd say it in your own way, but do you see how you are taking some control of the situation, but in a very kind and respectful way? This is a way to prevent him from continuing to circumvent you. You also slip in there something about needing his help, and possibly angling to get him in the house, where you will of course be waiting, looking fab, and maybe with his favorite meal on the stove.

Probably not worth it to point out that he's being an a$$ to you. Just accept that he's going to BE and a$$ for as long as he's with OW. Blech. He doesn't care, and you pointing it out is NOT in the Plan A playbook. Focus instead on POSITIVE ways that you can interact with him...that doesn't mean that you need to be a doormat...figure out what you want your boundaries to be and find a way to enforce them. He doesn't have to like them, but if you enforce them with honey, not vinegar, your chances for success go up.

(one of my mom's sayings...you attract more bees with honey than with vinegar...sorry)

Good luck
LS

Good idea-Monday at work I will bring up the schedule for our son for next week.

When he comes in a couple hours to pick him up I will be friendly and kiss them both before they leave.

I'll let you know how it goes!

Another question is that mu husbands side of the closet is still totally empty since he took everything he owns when he left-should I leave it like that so if came in our room he can see that I havent changed it or do you think that doesnt matter anything to them?

I don't know, closets are just pretty much where we store stuff. We don't get all nostalgic about them. I don't think it really matters. I'll tell you what others have told LilSis. Don't consume yourself trying to do a "perfect" plan A. Focus on the important things, not whether or not you did the minor details correctly. You can't do everything perfectly, so focus on things that will have the biggest impact.

Ok-my H came yesterday and picked up son-I watned to kiss him before they left but he was out the door too fast-when he brought our son home I was not home so he left him here with my mom.

Didnt get to meet any needs yesterday and wont see him again until tomorrow at work if he comes in the office.

Another thing I just thought of yesterday that I would like input on is this-my H told me in Aug that he didnt love me anymore and wanted to move out but in Sep I found out that the OW had miscarriage so she had to have been pregnant when he told me he wanted to move out-does it seem strange to anyone that he would leave me for a pregnant woman if it wasnt his baby?

He has denied they had sex all along but the thought popped into my head that could have been his baby.

Yuck. I think I might contact her husband about that. I wonder if he knew about the "miscarriage"?

The night I called her husband to expose affair I asked if the miscarriage really happened because so much had been lied about I thought maybe that was a lie too. I told him that my H gave her a card and flowers when she had miscarriage.

The H said yes she did have miscarriage.

I'll probably never know for sure if the baby could have been my H's-it'll probably always be in the back of my mind.

This morning my H was at the office when I got there-he was making copies. I went in and gave him his AAA card that had come in the mail. We had some small talk and then I said the next time you want to take DS lets discuss it ahead of time-he said I thought we did-I said we did?? He said oh well I guess I told DS to ask you if it was ok. He said he understood and would call me next time.

Then my mom called and said she was going to go out and had a flat tire-her tire had a split in it. I called AAA but they wouldnt go to my house because neither my H or I were there to sign for it. So I ran out to my H truck (he was leaving office) and told him the situation. He said he would go to our house (my mom lives in our home) and help my mom.

My mom said he was very nice to her-he put her spare on for her. He had to get back to work and was apologetic he couldnt go get new tire for her.

He came in the office in the afternoon and asked if my mom got the tire taken care of ok and I said yes-I thanked him for going. Then he said he had to get back to the job site -I said I'll see you later -he said I'll call you guys later. I gave him a kiss and hug and he left.

I know it's silly to get excited over something so small but this is the nicest he has been in a long time. He was my H not WS. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Sounds better. Just keep on in Plan A, and see which way he goes.

Does your husband get along well with your mom?

Life's little victories. That is what us BSs must take solace in. Your plan A is showing positive signs. Keep up the good work. However, Plan A takes longer that we would all hope it would, so don't allow yourself to get impatient and start pushing again.

My mom and H do get along ok-she does a lot for us. When he first told me that he wasnt happy I asked him he wanted me to have my mom go live with my sister in Nebraska and he said no. This was before I knew about OW.

I am trying to be patient and do realize now that this is going to take a lot longer than I anticipated-I never thought it would get this far!

I have an appt with an attorney this Friday just to find out what my rights are-nothing new has happened with my husband-we have had very little contact at all this week.

Does anyone have any questions I should ask attorney-I am totally clueless about what I am doing.

Thanks
Jen

How much will a contested divorce cost?

Is there anything legally I can do to break up WH and OW (i.e. AOA lawsuit, etc.)?

What are the legal repercussions for adultery? 60/40 division of marital assets? Does it affect custody?

What do I need to prove adultery? What evidence should I gather?

What evidence, journaling, and other things can I do to ensure primary cutody of the children in the event of a D?

What actions should I refrain from that would hurt my legal position?

These are just a few that I can think of. Let him know that you don't want a divorce, you want to save your M and keep your family together, and aks if he will be bulldog to fight for what you want.

What is an AOA lawsuit?

Alien of Affection lawsuit. Basically, if someone is having an affair with your spouse you can sue to stop them. However, only 7 states have such lawsuits, and they are mostly in the South. Find out if your state has one.

I went to the attorney today and I found out that in the state of Nevada it doesnt matter why you are divorcing-he could have had 8 affairs and it wouldnt matter.

I also found out that it is a community property state and the motorcycle he purchased in Oct-my name is not on the loan-I am responsible for half because he purchased it while married.

I found out that the child support is more than I thought which is good and spousal support is not a set amount-my H and I agree on the amount or the jusdge decides.

I started crying at the appointment which surprised me-the attorney was very a very nice christian man but I dont see him as being very tough.

I asked him about an inheritance I got while married-he said that if I still had the money in the bank it would be all mine but since we used it to purchase our first house I probably couldnt do anything about getting any of that money back-he said he could look into it more if need be.

Still have not talked to my husband anymore-he was at the office yesterday and when he left he didnt even say goodbye.

Things have not been going too well-today H called me at work and asked if I could fax OW some billing stuff that I have sent 2 times previously but for some reason she never get it. He was very nice and thanked me for doing it-it IS my job or I wouldnt have. He told me he had been at their house all morning because the guy was there working on the motorized window that has never worked right-I suppose my H felt he HAD to be there to. It upset me knowing he was with her.

Then he came into the office this afternoon and mentioned coming to our house to see our son-I said he had to stay in school late-he asked why-I said he has a study session. Then he said maybe I will pick him up tomorrow-I said last week you mentioned twice about picking him up but never did so I think it would be best if you just called my mom (she normally picks him up) and then surprise DS by being at the school-dont get his hopes up again. He said ok.

Then he said can I have the dresser out of the closet-which my clothes are in-I said why-he said because I am tired of loving out of trash bags. I didnt answer him-the dresser is not sentimental or anything but I kind of feel like you chose to move out why should I do this for you-I'm sur ehe will just go buy one so I dont know what to do there.

Our boss called so my H had to leave but said he would be right back-there was a form I needed our boss to sign and H was going to bring form back to me. 45 mins later he still wasnt back and boss lives around the corner so I called him -phone went right to voice mail so I waited a couple mins and called back he answered I said are you bringing the form back or not-I'll be right there he said.

When he came back with the form he was on his cell phone-hung up and said is that all you needed? I said yes and he said ok see ya. He neevr brought the dresser up again.

Is it ok at this point to ask him what his intentions regarding our marriage are?? If it is ok to ask and he says he wants a divorce should I say well I dont. Can I ask if he is seeing other women?? I know he goes to bars so I wonder if there are other women involved other than the OW he left me for-since she too is married and cant get away from her H and kids at night and weekends.

If he says yes he is involved with other women do I remind him he is still my H???

So many questions-it is so hard living in limbo-we dont spend any time together anymore and hardly ever talk at all-now he usually comes in the office when he knows I will be at lunch.

I would check with another attorney. I think you CAN get credit for your inheritance.

I would stay in Plan A for awhile longer if possible.