Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 1 of 2 1 2
#1792595 12/20/06 08:42 PM
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,257
A
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,257
You meet someone on a dating site and you get to the point where you decide you are going to be committed to one another. How long do you think it should reasonably take for one another to remove all dating site profiles?


Me, 43
DS18, DD12
Divorce final May 10, 2007
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 4,345
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 4,345
How can you be committed to one another if one of you still has an active profile? The two are mutually exclusive, IMO.

AGG


Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 1,887
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 1,887
Well...I've been known to procrastinate. If my membership was paid up for another three months and I wasn't getting any e-mail from the site, I might not get around to doing anything about it for a while.

On the other hand, if he's showing up as going online every day...

Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,257
A
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,257
Play on words AGG?? We are absolutely exclusive. I guess that's a better word to use rather than committed.

Gnome we just officially had the "talk" about it late monday night. I just checked his one profile and it's been 19 hours since he was on it.

Let's play devils advocate here. Say he goes on it tonight when he gets home. Should I say something? If so what should I say? Should I just be patient and not read too much into it?


Me, 43
DS18, DD12
Divorce final May 10, 2007
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 4,345
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 4,345
Quote
Play on words AGG?? We are absolutely exclusive.

No play on words. If you are "absolutely exclusive", why does he maintain activity in his profile?

Quote
Should I just be patient and not read too much into it?

Well, I would not consider myself being exclusive with someone who keeps logging into a dating site. I still consider the two to be mutually exclusive.

I am also feeling that you yourself are not completely convinced of your exclusivity arrangement - or else you would not be checking up on him. Am I right? When you discussed "exclusivity", did you make any efforts to define that term, or did you assume that it meant the same thing to both of you?

AGG


Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,257
A
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,257
No we talked about it and both mutually agreed to remove profiles. I'm the personality type where I get things done now and he's the type where he gets it done when he gets it done.

He's a man of his word. The "checking up" on him is my own insecurity from when we first started dating 18 months ago and neither one of us were ready for a relationship (come to find out later) and I pushed him way too hard and ended up hurting myself because of it. We've recently started dating again(4 months now) and it's clearly a good thing this time around. Nothing is forced. And I knew that when I asked about the profiles and he immediately said yes we could remove them. That never would have happened 18 months ago.

This isn't about validating what's going on with us now. My question is how long is reasonable to wait given our different personalitys.


Me, 43
DS18, DD12
Divorce final May 10, 2007
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 4,345
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 4,345
Quote
My question is how long is reasonable to wait given our different personalitys.

Shrug. Not knowing your personalities, I will stick to my own outlooks - if someone tells me they are exclusive with me, they better not have an active profile. End of story.

AGG


Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,257
A
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,257
Quote
I'm the personality type where I get things done now and he's the type where he gets it done when he gets it done.


Me, 43
DS18, DD12
Divorce final May 10, 2007
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 4,345
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 4,345
Quote
Quote
I'm the personality type where I get things done now and he's the type where he gets it done when he gets it done.

if someone tells me they are exclusive with me, they better not have an active profile


Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,774
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,774
especially an active profile that they are still checking on!

i'm with agg. profile needs to go "bye bye"

mlhb


God first, family second, and all else will fall into place.

Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 228
I
Member
Offline
Member
I
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 228
AGE,

"I'm the personality type where I get things done now and he's the type where he gets it done when he gets it done."


Even if he is a procrastinator, checking his profile is not a good sign. JMHO

Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 451
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 451
I don't think it comes down to "personality" and it is about what's going on with you,it always will be,the actions of the other.It comes down to his love,care and respect of you and protection.Even if he is a lazy,procrastinator,keeping a profile up and running after the exclusivity talk/agreement isn't right or trustworthy.Like keeping your options open, you know?

You didn't say he had been checking after the talk so hopefully he will take his profile down right away and we won't have to support you when he goes looking again.That wouldn't be a good thing.

Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 6,714
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 6,714
Two days from the talk


Divorced.
2 Girls
Remarried 10/11/08
Widowed 11/5/08
Remarrying 12/17/15
Joined: May 2000
Posts: 15,150
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: May 2000
Posts: 15,150
If you have mutually agreed to an exclusive relationship, he shouldn't be checking his profile, IMO.

Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,257
A
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,257
I'm at work so I can't check his account until I get home BUT when I last checked it last night before bed he hadn't checked his profile since "the talk". BUT still playing devil's advocate...what do I calmly say to him IF he does.

P.S. I understand what you are saying about not being a good sign IF he does. I'm not that dense...lol


Me, 43
DS18, DD12
Divorce final May 10, 2007
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 5,247
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 5,247
so as of last night, profile remain viewable, or active?

is it possible that his last log in was to shut it down?

if its still active, and you see that he's been online checking it -- I definitely think a question about it is needed.

Good luck Alluring!

Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,257
A
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,257
The profile was active and viewable. If he had shut it down it wouldn't be viewable. And his last log in was BEFORE "the talk".

What do I say to him IF he's checked it(them)? He has three total that I know of...americansingles.com, mate1.com, and plentyoffish. I only checked one of them.

I just want to know what to say IF it happens.


Me, 43
DS18, DD12
Divorce final May 10, 2007
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 4,345
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 4,345
Quote
I just want to know what to say IF it happens.

Well, how about "Honey, I thought we agreed to take our profiles off"?

AGG


Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 1,998
*
Member
Offline
Member
*
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 1,998
How about dumping him if he doesn't remove his profile?

I'm a strong believer in the "honeymoon" stage of the relationship--if he can't jump at the opportunity to show you how much he cares ie: removing his profile, then who needs him? It's only a preview of all the [censored] there is to come....inho...


Married 6 years on July 23, 2011--no issues and deeply in love--thanks, MB!

I'm convinced that I'm married to the most wonderful man alive....

I hear and I forget. I see and I believe. I do and I understand. Confucius (B.C. 551-479)

Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 4,345
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 4,345
Quote
How about dumping him if he doesn't remove his profile?

Yup, agreed. That is what I meant when I said "if someone tells me they are exclusive with me, they better not have an active profile".

If you have to start asking your "partner" to hide their profiles, that is a harbinger of bad things to come.

AGG


Page 1 of 2 1 2

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 233 guests, and 83 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
yourhomify, jenicamartin1308, Michael Robinson, Annette Joe, kyliesmith
71,994 Registered Users
Latest Posts
Roller Coaster Ride
by happyheart - 06/10/25 04:10 PM
Following Ex-Wifes Nursing Schedule?
by risoy60576 - 05/24/25 09:12 AM
Advice pls
by Steven Round - 05/24/25 06:48 AM
I didn’t have a chance
by Open Leaf - 05/20/25 07:15 AM
My spouse is becoming religious
by Open Leaf - 05/16/25 12:57 PM
Lack of sex - anyway to fix it?
by Open Leaf - 05/13/25 10:42 AM
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,623
Posts2,323,506
Members71,995
Most Online3,224
May 9th, 2025
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 2025, Marriage Builders, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5