You meet someone on a dating site and you get to the point where you decide you are going to be committed to one another. How long do you think it should reasonably take for one another to remove all dating site profiles?

How can you be committed to one another if one of you still has an active profile? The two are mutually exclusive, IMO.

AGG

Well...I've been known to procrastinate. If my membership was paid up for another three months and I wasn't getting any e-mail from the site, I might not get around to doing anything about it for a while.

On the other hand, if he's showing up as going online every day...

Play on words AGG?? We are absolutely exclusive. I guess that's a better word to use rather than committed.

Gnome we just officially had the "talk" about it late monday night. I just checked his one profile and it's been 19 hours since he was on it.

Let's play devils advocate here. Say he goes on it tonight when he gets home. Should I say something? If so what should I say? Should I just be patient and not read too much into it?

No play on words. If you are "absolutely exclusive", why does he maintain activity in his profile?


Well, I would not consider myself being exclusive with someone who keeps logging into a dating site. I still consider the two to be mutually exclusive.

I am also feeling that you yourself are not completely convinced of your exclusivity arrangement - or else you would not be checking up on him. Am I right? When you discussed "exclusivity", did you make any efforts to define that term, or did you assume that it meant the same thing to both of you?

AGG

No we talked about it and both mutually agreed to remove profiles. I'm the personality type where I get things done now and he's the type where he gets it done when he gets it done.

He's a man of his word. The "checking up" on him is my own insecurity from when we first started dating 18 months ago and neither one of us were ready for a relationship (come to find out later) and I pushed him way too hard and ended up hurting myself because of it. We've recently started dating again(4 months now) and it's clearly a good thing this time around. Nothing is forced. And I knew that when I asked about the profiles and he immediately said yes we could remove them. That never would have happened 18 months ago.

This isn't about validating what's going on with us now. My question is how long is reasonable to wait given our different personalitys.

Shrug. Not knowing your personalities, I will stick to my own outlooks - if someone tells me they are exclusive with me, they better not have an active profile. End of story.

AGG

if someone tells me they are exclusive with me, they better not have an active profile

especially an active profile that they are still checking on!

i'm with agg. profile needs to go "bye bye"

mlhb

AGE,

"I'm the personality type where I get things done now and he's the type where he gets it done when he gets it done."


Even if he is a procrastinator, checking his profile is not a good sign. JMHO

I don't think it comes down to "personality" and it is about what's going on with you,it always will be,the actions of the other.It comes down to his love,care and respect of you and protection.Even if he is a lazy,procrastinator,keeping a profile up and running after the exclusivity talk/agreement isn't right or trustworthy.Like keeping your options open, you know?

You didn't say he had been checking after the talk so hopefully he will take his profile down right away and we won't have to support you when he goes looking again.That wouldn't be a good thing.

Two days from the talk

If you have mutually agreed to an exclusive relationship, he shouldn't be checking his profile, IMO.

I'm at work so I can't check his account until I get home BUT when I last checked it last night before bed he hadn't checked his profile since "the talk". BUT still playing devil's advocate...what do I calmly say to him IF he does.

P.S. I understand what you are saying about not being a good sign IF he does. I'm not that dense...lol

so as of last night, profile remain viewable, or active?

is it possible that his last log in was to shut it down?

if its still active, and you see that he's been online checking it -- I definitely think a question about it is needed.

Good luck Alluring!

The profile was active and viewable. If he had shut it down it wouldn't be viewable. And his last log in was BEFORE "the talk".

What do I say to him IF he's checked it(them)? He has three total that I know of...americansingles.com, mate1.com, and plentyoffish. I only checked one of them.

I just want to know what to say IF it happens.

Well, how about "Honey, I thought we agreed to take our profiles off"?

AGG

How about dumping him if he doesn't remove his profile?

I'm a strong believer in the "honeymoon" stage of the relationship--if he can't jump at the opportunity to show you how much he cares ie: removing his profile, then who needs him? It's only a preview of all the [censored] there is to come....inho...

Yup, agreed. That is what I meant when I said "if someone tells me they are exclusive with me, they better not have an active profile".

If you have to start asking your "partner" to hide their profiles, that is a harbinger of bad things to come.

AGG