She has claimed before that there was some sort of legal things done, but she is also a pathological liar and I have never seen anything on paper. I was always wanting to get him to sign over rights if possible but it never happened. He would be willing one moment and unwilling the next, or that was what I was told.

I have been acting in the Father role since birth. I was not there at birth, but was when she came home from the hospital. He calls me "Daddy", and his Bio dad either "My other dad" or mostly just by his first name. He has our married name, he is on my health insurance, he has lived with me since he was born... except for now.

Visitation - well, he has stayed with him a night or 2 maybe once a year. I am not sure if she ever met him for lunch or whatever so he could see the child. We moved shortly after conception - about 4 hours away. Nothing formally on paper as far as I know.

Support - Next to nothing, except gifts at Christmas and B-Day's. I never wanted it. I bet he's a bit concerned now that my marriage is where it is. He may be thinking she will come after him.

I make sure he has what he needs, would obviously want visitation / joint custody in a divorce, but would not like to be court ordered to financially support if possible - or at least not being the bio dad taken into account on the amount. My wife is living with a B/F who is basically paying all the rent, etc. Money I give would be above and beyond what they need... and wasted on frivilous things. My WW is TERRIBLE with money. I would rather take the money saved and put it into an account for college or something.

What the others said...see a lawyer. But this really jumped out at me...


Wait a minute. Your WW had multiple affairs, got pregnant by two different guys, abandoned you and the marital home, and she has the other kids with her? WTF? I think you need to get the other two HOME and go for primary custody!

Get an attorney. Your case is too complicated.

To show you why you need an expert, my step-daughter gave up all parental rights to her daughter 12 years ago. We encouraged her to, because she was not a good mother, and the father had remarried to a good woman. It never even occurred to me to consult an attorney.

Now daughter has 2 kids, is a great mom, and happy. However she just got papers from the state. Seems the daughter that she gave up is in a treatment center for 2 years, and daughter's half of the treatment is $1500. a month.

From what I read you do not want to be financially responsible for the children who are not yours. Since the birth father is in the oldest child life even just a little bit and you are not on the birth certificate I do not think they can hold you responsible financially. As for youngest child I would have the lawyer change the documents to your satisfaction and get your name off of the birth certificate ASAP in my state you have 90 days and after the 90 day you are financially responsible for the child no matter what! WS & BF can decide to be spiteful and go after you for child support. I would then do a DNA test on middle child to make sure he/she is really yours. Good luck you do not want to pay support for another mans child for 18 years if you will not be a father to that child. Especially since you said you have no attachment to the child.

I have seen attorneys for initial consultation and have received good advice at no charge.

I think it depends on whether or not you think there is a future for you and your wife and whether or not you want to financially support a child for the next 18 years that is not yours even if your wife leaves you. From reading the Pregnancy/Child subforum (you should submit this post their too), there is a presumption of paternity. That is, if you are married at the time the baby is conceived or perhaps born, there is a presumption that you are the father. Therefore you would be financially responsible for said child unless you do something active. Talk to an attorney ASAP! It is cheaper to talk to one now than to financially support of child. However, if you think there is a chance with your wife and you want to raise this child as your own, then still talk to an attorney!

Its been a little while, but I have an update...

I spoke to a lawyer here (different state though). She said that she didn't see anything in the wording that would hurt me later since it didn't pplace fault on either side I guess. However, she did tell me that if it made me uncomfortable to sign it as is, to call him up and ask that it be changed. I just got off the phone with him, and it will be changed. Both in what they want me to sign, and the wording I did not like in the main petition.

On a side note, last Monday my wife calls and starts talking negatively about the BF. He came down to get the kids the other night and she mentioned that he did because they had nobody to watch the baby. She "wasn't allowed" to come to Va alone. She said something about him getting a rude awakening when she has a talk with him on Friday (tomorrow). All is not well in paradise.

She started talking about wanting to move back to where we grew up, but she couldn't because it would be to far. She said he offered to move back with her, but she wouldn't want him to. She told me that she is realizing she made a mistake, etc. I asked her if she still felt for me and she said that's why she's been using any little excuse to call me at least once a day. Seems she is waffling on if she wants to come back to me or not. She also asked about my parents who she was pretty close to. Asked me if I would support her going back to school if she came home, etc. I guess her moving back wouldn't be TOTALLY out of the question, but it is something I would have to think long and hard on. It would also definately be contingent on certain expectations I would place on her. I'd probably be considered crazy for doing so, but for the sake of the kids... I'd consider it if her heart / mind was right.

In addition to this, she has called me a couple times this week about getting the papers signed. The first couple times, she was pretty rude about it. I am guessing he was in the room and riding her on it. Then she called back crying and apologized for being mean and said he goes on and on about it all the time, gets mad etc, and she's sick of listening to it. I told her I needed to ask the lawyer a couple questions. He must have called the lawyer because he calls me on my cell phone. I was at work, and needed to find some privacy so I told him I'd call back. He must have immediately called him because she called me right back and told me that he thinks I am playing games. I just had to wait for a conference room to open to call in private.

As for why she has the kids... I get both of the oldest boys every weekend. Days like Martin Luther King are mine too. I am getting them tonight because the oldest does not have school tomorrow and she has to work. Two reasons for this setup. I get the good days, without school. If I had M-F, they would be at school most of the day and I would be rushing around getting dinner, etc the rest of the time. Daycare here is also very expensive and something I can't afford right now.


Anyway, he's making those changes and sending me out new papers. He even had to change the birthdate. I guess neither of them noticed the date was off a week when they signed their statements under penalty of perjury.