Here's the rest of the story with regards to my ex. She buys me a gift leaves at the office with a card that reads, Sincerely,..... at the end. Everything that she does triggers me in a bad way. She gets these text messages and IM's from people that talk to her like they know her in a way that I don't. She says the sweetest things and makes the nicest promises but like Dr. Phil says, you need to look at the results. I never got to meet her friends and the one time I did she let them touch her in an inappropriate way and it didn't bother her.

The hard part for me to get over is that I had such high expectations for her and us to be together for a long time. She was younger and better looking than my ex-wife. My ex-wife had a much better personality though.

I basically put it all on the table last night and told her not to call me or text or email me or ask about me or send me gifts anymore. We can't be friends but we can be co-workers. I finally realize the truth.

OH my - I've been reading this story, but have never put my two cents in, but THIS above made me just scream YUCK!!!! I certainly hope that you are kidding - because if you are not, I can predict that you might NEVER find a woman of any kind of substance with THAT attitude!

Sorry - I had to say that....

I'm about to run off to Ben and Jerry's before they close... Who wants some?

AGG

chunky Monkey for me please, and I'll bring the whipped cream and fudge sauce....

All I can say is that I hope and pray, pray, pray that I never, ever meet a man like Coughlin in my post-divorce dating life - I swear his type would make me swear off men FOREVER!!

OK - I'm finished being judgemental. Coughlin - I wish you well in your endeavors........whatever they may be......

Coughlin, I am going NC on anything to do with this subject.

What are some other things that you want to do in your life, changes you want to make, etc. that you'd like support with?

OK, all jokes aside, I expect that the next step will be for OG to call Coughlin, ask to come over, and then sleep with him. And round and round we go....

AGG

Yep...

New Years Eve is just around the corner...and he's the "fall back on" person when there is no one else.

Classic SSDD.

committed

I'm hoping that Coughlin's next step will be to change the subject to something that can help him move in a good direction during this stage of his personal recovery. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Kleenex anyone?

coughlin,
I hardly post to you cuz I'm at a loss....
wow.

maybe you can find someone better at trophywife.com.
maybe if you find someone even better looking and younger than her you'll get her attention!

good luck.

Truly Happy seems to be truly critical of me and ex-lurker, that's fine that you wanna change the subject and your absolutely right. I won't ask anymore questions when it comes to her specifically and I've asked other people from my office and close friends to not discuss her as well. It was just feeding into my fantasy. I will say though that she did so much that I can't figure out in terms of sending me mixed signals. A quick recap to remind myself how screwy she is:

Go to the party on thursday night and she ignores me and then when I leave she goes up to my brother and sister-in-law telling them she still has feelings for me and misses me and wanted to talk to me/call me.

Next day, she calls my brother who calls me and says that she talked about you again and wonders if it could somehow work between us and that there is no one else she has feelings for.

She doesn't call me all weekend until Monday night saying that these past few weeks have seemed long and updating me on what she has been doing and she wants to see me and go out for coffee to catch up. Says she has a gift for me and asks if I will be in the office this week.

Don't hear from her again except from my brother who works in the office and she aks how I am doing on Wednesday.

Thursday afternoon, I go to the office and see a christmas bag and card on my desk. Here's where I LOSE it! The card says Merry Christmas blah, blah, blah and SINCERELY, .....

I got two cards from ladies I barely know at my other job and they both wrote LOVE, .....

I confront her about just leaving me alone and not asking about me third party, not sending me gifts or calling me or anything that could give me the wrong impression. She apologized but understood that it was too confusing and that I've had enough already.

Here's a question for you all: Do you think that when someone is needy that means that have a big heart and they are in love with you?

Here's another question for you all. Do rebound relationships work? Do they help in the healing process and make it easier to move on?

I'm hanging out with this new person and she is great although the excitement isn't the same. Any similiar experiences? She knows about my situation in trying to get over this other person and I have been open and honest with her about it.

Couglin,

[color:"blue"]GET SOME INDIVIDUAL COUNSELING! AND ASK TO BUY AS MANY VOWELS AS POSSIBLE[/color]

you have no concept of intragender relationships. . .

wiftty

coughlin, plz see my ice cream analysis... that's all i'm gonna say?

and if a person is needy they DO NOT HAVE A BIG HEART AND ARE NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU, THEY ARE NEEDY BECAUSE THEY NEED HELP!

low fat ben and jerry's for you coughlin, better yet, no ice cream for you for a while!

mlhb

i will be honest cough, if i had met you and we started hanging out and all you did was talk about office girl to me, we wouldn't be hanging out for long sweetheart... potential relationships don't want to hear about your hangups on other women.

"Do you think that when someone is needy that means that have a big heart and they are in love with you?"


I think that when someone is needy it means that they have voids within themselves. I think this because I am needy, and I know from experience that the more time and effort I put into dealing with my issues and making necessary changes, the less needy I am becoming.

I have a few more voids to fill before I will be ready to start dating. After I have gotten to a certain stage in my personal recovery, then I will be able to again share myself with another. For me to start dating too soon would be me trying to burden someone else with the task of filling voids that no one other than me is capable of filling.

Coughlin, there are reasons that we are advised to complete our grieving processes and heal before starting new relationships. I took that advice and, as time goes on, I see the value of that advice more and more. Coughlin, seriously consider taking that advice too, ok? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

[color:"green"] [/color] Well, Coughlin, about the first part--OG was smart enough to know you'd read into "love, OG." Unfortunately, she just couldn't help bringing you back into the destructive loop by giving you a gift.

As for the other question: You are joking aren't you? When you write stuff like this, and the comment about OG being younger and prettier than your ex-wife, I begin to think you are a troll. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

[color:"blue"] [/color] Tell me this isn't so. I don't think it's a good idea to hang with the woman who was calling you and texting you since she wants something different from you. And I don't think you should be dragging someone new into this mess.

Greengables,

I agree with you about not bringing others into the mess.

I suspect that Coughlin did not complete his grieving process and heal from his divorce. That's why I shared with him that I took the advice to do that and it was very good advice for me to take.

Coughlin, I believe that you will have rebound after rebound after rebound after rebound after rebound--UNTIL you have grieved and healed from your divorce. Why put yourself (and others) through rebounds unnecessarily? We all have the choice to heal or not, the choice to become our best selves or not.

Coughlin, do you think that you're the best "catch" you can be right now? Are you happy with the kinds of women you are attracting right now? If your answer to either of these questions is "no" then I believe the solution is to focus on your personal recovery from your divorce. If your answer to both those questions is "yes" then I don't understand what kind of support you're looking for from this board. Will you spell it out for me?

Greengables, I don't feel right about bringing this new girl into the mess but I keep thinking about how God doesn't always give you want you want but he gives you what you need. She knows I'm not over this OG and I really just want to be friends with her for now.

I'm mad at myself for contacting OG last week after I got her gift and card that read sincerely,.... I just needed closure again after hearing different things from different people and for her mixed messages.

I am so hurting from this reality check of her moving on. I really think she is somebody else already. How could I have been so blind?

xLurker, Am I the best catch I can be right now? No, I could be better, mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually. My heart is broken and I'm depressed. I've just been staying in lately and keeping to myself, no energy or desire to do anything except rest and read.

Am I happy with the type of women I'm attracting? Believing it or not, It's been improving since I first started dating women after my divorce.

Have you guys ever felt stuck and just wanted a do-over? My ex-wife had her boyfriend over her parents house for Christmas and it just burns me that she has someone that wants to be with her and I don't.

Please tell me why this had to happen with OG? I am so lost and nothing feels the same. I was on top of the world when she felt strongly about me. I hate my life now. Nothing to live for. Tired of going through the motions while life is passing me by. OG can take all my market share and thrive in her career. I never really cared about making money anyways. I just wanted to find love.

I give up. I'm no longer gonna play the game of life. I will stick to myself and my fantasy world. I'm sorry everybody for bothering you with all my problems but and I never meant to hurt anybody--just trying to make the best of a bad situation. I've always lived this way.

Why can't I be happy? You have all been great and I wish I could come on this board one day and spread some cheer but that's not what's meant for me.

Did I do something to deserve this pain? I'm leaving this job at the end of the month. I could sell my house and just move away and get a fresh start or live free for a year and travel. Last stop would be in Vegas. My friends and family have seen me struggle for too long now. It's not fair for them.

Coughlin, you need to see your therapist now. Emergency visit. I'd also like to suggest a new psychologist or psychiatrist if you don't get better soon.

You feel this pain now so that you won't make the same mistakes next time. Each time you make a particular mistake, you get whammed with increase pain until you learn. So, look at this pain as part of the school of life.

HOWEVER, your decision making skills are kaput right now, thanks to the depression. You need to get that under control pronto. As someone who's been there, done that with depression, I strongly object to you dropping out and traveling unless three therapists think it's a wise move.

If you wnat the pain to stop, you need to take charge.
1. Get to your therapist now. Bring your last post to show him/her.
2. Follow the therapist's direction, and start making decisions that will make you feel good about yourself.
3. Fight the depression when it tells you pain and misery are your lot in life. Talk back to it and tell it you will be feeling better soon.
4. Try to stop thinking about yourself, your pain, etc so much. Do something for someone else once a day. Depression makes us so self-centered. BTDT.

But, the most important thing is to get professional help. You really need it right now because the depression is in control.