Hi- I found out a month ago from OW's H that my WH is in a second long affair with a coworker.( his first afair was 5 yrs ago and we reconciled after that one finally ended.) I was so shocked that he would have ANOTHER affair that I immediately found a lawyer and had him served with divorce papers. I knew that OW had recently got an apt. right near our house so I told WH to just go right to her since he's so unhappy at home.( OW just got out of alcohol rehab. but has already started drinking again.She also a heavy smoker which my WH hates) He was reluctant to move in to her apt. but since my attorney filed paperwork saying the use of the house is for me and the kids only - he did move some of his stuff out. That was 2 wka ago- since they he calls and asks to come by most nights- he hangs around our house asking if he can eat dinner here and only leaves when our youngest is ready for bed. This wkend he's sleeping in one of our kids' rooms and doing all his usual Christmas prep stuff he has done for 20 years- he is even out buying Christmas presents for me right now- go figure! I asked him if he is planning to spend any time with OW this wkend and he said "no, I want to be with my family." Yet when I've hinted around about if he truly wants a divorce he seems like he does.Honestly it seems like he has a split personality here.He seems to be completely oblivious to my emotional pain- yesterday I nearly had a crying breakdown in Walmart while shopping with him for stocking stuffers.When he's around so much I keep having some hope that we can reconcile but when it comes to talking about that he completely avoids the topic. I'm very confused. Any thoughts from you wise ones?

Well, it sounds like THIS affair isn't going to last very long.

The very best thing right now would be for him to live with the OW. He is a cake eater, and needs to be knocked off the fence.

Let him experience life as a single man ... him being half-in half-out of the home is stabbing your heart fresh daily... make him leave... and ONLY take him back after he demonstrates consistent recovery-worthy behaviors.

I am going to bump up a post by Starfish* ... "It's the FEAR"

please read it

Pep

lim,

The absolute perfect time for Plan B would have been that second D-day. Instead.....the cake eater just gets to eat cake. He gets to have his family Christmas and haunt your house while he still has OW on the side! Imagine how facing the consequences (NOT having his family at Christmas) would have impacted him if you had gone into Plan B. After he makes it through the Holidays.....he can go right back to his wayward life.

This must be so painful.....I'm sorry chere....but you're the one who has to enforce your own boundaries....because he doesn't have any.

((((((((((((((((((lim)))))))))))))))))))))))

HI Starfish*

I did not know you were on the forum today....

MERRY CHRISTMAS to you

Pep

I am bumping this up to help you see that holiday or not, his being a WS is not healthy for your family.

So why reward a WS with family time? Hm..... family time is important but a WS isn't family. See? I know many a BS will find that hard to believe but look at the damage a WS can do during a holiday?

You realize the WS can't put their WS attitude aside unless they are FORCED t/d so.

L.