I'm trying to regain my health after a week of a tough cold and a largyngitis. I'm just starting to get my voice back.

I'm sitting here posting on MB since I don't have a family to spend Christmas Eve with. I initially had plans with my siblings but due to my sickness, I've decided to rest up one more day and get together with them tomorrow. Unfortunately, I feel like I've let my siblings down since I'm really the only family they have since the departure of my WH and his family who always included us in their holiday plans. My mother passed away 3 years ago so every holiday is difficult without her. This year, however, is by far the hardest one I've ever dealt with.

I finally checked my e-mail today after being away from the computer in two days and received an disappointing e-mail from my attorney. It turns out my WH who said he wasn't going to retain an atty has done so. He's ready to battle this one out with me. So much for his famous words of an "easy and painless divorce." I'm all of out of energy to fight this one out. I'm really sick of all of this B.S. he's put me through. I was just hoping that there would be a speck of kindness in his heart to agree to my settlement agreement given it's reasonable terms. At this point, I'm ready to surrender to my WH and just let him have what he wants- an easy and painless D. I've tried so hard to be strong for myself since d-day but at this point, I'm too tired. I can't stand this harsh reality any longer. I just don't understand why God is allowing all of this to happen to me. It's overwhelming and quite honestly, I'm exhausted.

I feel orphaned. I feel rejected. I feel so alone on this Christmas Eve. For more than five years, I've worshiped with H and my in-laws on Christmas Eve and this year, I'm sitting at home alone trying to fight this cold and congestion, typing in front of the computer.

I should be rejoicing in the birth of our Lord but instead, I'm sad, lost and sick. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I'm grieving the loss of my beloved mother, the loss of my in-laws and the loss of my marriage. I really don't know what to say or do anymore.

Merry Christmas to you all. I don't know what I'd do without you.

I am so sorry....if it makes you feel any better, I am stuck at work Xmas eve and have to work tomorrow...I am so sorry for your pain.

R2W,

I am right there with you. I feel the same way you feel - orphaned, rejected, alone, exhausted, tired, scared, etc.

Two of the key Bible verses I repeat daily and pray back to God are Isaiah 41:10

So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

and Hebrews 13:6

So we say with confidence,
"The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid.
What can man do to me?"

Believe!!

Ready2Wait. I know How You feel I am In the same Boat. A friend Of mine Just told me of this site and I'm here reading. I too Am alone. My Wife Left Me after 14 yrs of Marriage, To some one she found on the enternet.We have two wonder children together and they are with her this holiday season and its killing me to be alone.first time my whole life I am alone on Christmas Eve, I've been Praying and asking God to help me though this but its hard being lonely this time of year.just remember god will not give us more then we can handle, hang in there my friend we will make it.

angelman66

Well, if it helps at all (and it probably won't), I was with WS's family this evening but FELT very alone. All the kids were around,everyone supposedly happy, etc. But I just felt like crying the whole time knowing what I know and looking around at my BILs' families and thinking how unlikely it was that they would make it with their spouses (for various reasons) and somehow it ended up being us who aren't really making it. Finally the baby got fussy so I left. WS is still there with our older DD. I cried all the way home but at least here I don't have to pretend. Not a merry christmas <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />.

R2W,
I am so sorry that you are feeling so alone. It is tough, I know. I am alone tonight too. My kids and I had our Christmas dinner today, and then they left for their dad's....It is very quiet here.
You are doing a lot of grieving this holiday season it sounds like. Just remember, it won't last forever, though I know it hurts a lot. The Lord knows your pain, and a lot of us have been through it also.
Pray the scriptures as EPH525 said, and look to God for strength.
KK

R2W,

I am sorry you feel so alone. It is sad that the WS has been able to alienate you with such pain. It is not humane and neither is the WS.

From this pain, let's help you put a positive spin on it. From this pain, learn to grow. Ok, nice words but how?

You can (even with your cold), reach out and help others. Holidays are hard times even here @ MB. Then when you are strong enough reach out and reassure your family of your love. Your mom may be physically gone but if her memories are in your hearts, it is a good time to recall those and put a smile on your faces. There are small things to do that will bring bigger results. Find these tools and use them.

Love forms a strong bond. One that will last through all the stuff the WS or any bad person can throw against you. Remember this is the one quality that does conquer all but we have to know HOW to use it.

Hugz,
L.

(((R2W))) I'm sorry for your sadness this Christmas. I hope that the coming year brings strength and growing happiness for you. Your husband's a jerk saying one thing and doing another. Take care. TT