My husband is such a jerk. This is supposed to be Christmas, our first Christmas and I didn't get anything. Christmas is not all about gifts. I expressed to my husband how it felt to not have anything from him for Christmas. I felt bad, really bad. He said that the pjs I picked out from WalMart was my gift. I asked him in the store if this was my gift to see what he said and he said no, then he changed his mind as we were opening the presents. I told him the whole idea is to suprise someone, then he said he didn't know what I liked. We are married and he doesn't know what I like other that jewlery and perfume. Those were his exact words, then I asked him why didn't you ask or why didn't you listen to me when I would say things that I liked. My husband disappointed me. I told him how he made me feel on our first Christmas. I started telling him about how he made me feel a few days ago then he says that I made myself feel that way. I am trying to communicate but he either will lecture me or say that he didn't make me feel a certain way I made myself feel that way. He is now sitting in a closet talking about how he feels so alone and that he can't make me happy. I want MC or I want out of this because the stress is affecting my health. He says I am the one that needs MC. I am fed up with this.

Okay, so you must know that there are bad problems in you marriage.

No gift is a HUGE RED FLAG!!!

My husband stopped getting me gifts for Christmas about 6 years into our marriage. And he gave the same excuses.

This is your first Christmas, and I feel bad for you. Hope you will keep posting here and reading.

Your husband is right though. You ARE the one that needs counseling. You need to find out why you are willing to put up with so little.

No Christmas gift here either. Her excuse was that we'd spent too much this year on each other. But she did buy OM a present. She bought it 2 months ago, but hasn't given it to him yet (it hasn't moved in the last 2 months).

I haven't started my own thread yet. I was hoping things would work out and I wouldn't need any additional help. I guess I was wrong.

FWIW, my W and I hardly ever buy each other gifts on holidays like Christmas - by mutual agreement. We do buy each other things, but prefer not to wait on holidays were tradition makes us feel obliged to do so.

Does your H give you gifts or do things for you otherwise?

MIM - It's fine if there is an agreement not to exchange gifts, but I don't think that is what is happening here.

Thing is, I'm not sure exactly *what* is happening there, hence my question about whether or not he buys gifts for her at all. It certainly sounds like she's got little respect for her H...

That is very true - she is losing respect for him. I don't blame her. Obviously something else is going on here. We don't know what.

As I posted earlier, the first sign of a chink in our marriage was when my ex stopped giving me gifts for Christmas. Truthfully, I don't care about material things, but it was very hurtful. Picture the whole family opening presents around the tree, and there is NOTHING for me from husband.

I was so shocked, I didn't know how to respond. So I waited a few days, and mentioned to him that it kind of hurt my feelings.

On to the next Christmas. I guess he got the point. We were shopping for family members at WalMart. I saw an aquarium on sale for $19.99. He asked if I liked it, and bought it for my Christmas present. This was around the first week of December. So we took it home. I still love it.

Anyway, it made me feel a bit better. You know how it is at work after Christmas - "what did you get for Christmas?" I could at least mention the aquarium.

My ex always bought lots of gifts (we raised 8 kids together), plus he had a big family (add another 20 gifts), plus he bought things for friends, people in our church, the 20 guys he worked with, the barmaid, friends in our motorcycle group, the garbage man, homeless people, etc.

It was just that I was at the bottom of the list.

We need to hear more from the poster, but I bet that there are a ton of other warning signs.

I have a bit of a warped view on gifts from my husband. During his A, when I was oblivious, he bought me the most fantastic gifts - diamond earrings, top of the range cellphone, pearl necklace. Pre-A, maybe I got a couple of CDs, a book or something practical. His guilty conscience led him to buying nice stuff for me. I would, of course, have preferred it to be otherwise.

But the biggest red flag I see here is that this is your FIRST Christmas together.If he can't be bothered to make an effort at the beginning of your marriage, I dread to think what lies ahead. Was he really sitting in a closet? or is that just an expression I haven't heard of? Also, so what if he bought you jewellery or perfume AGAIN! Good luck sorting this out - I, too, would have been sad and disappointed. TT

My H is not a Christmas spirit kind of guy. I do ALL the Christmas shopping. He does order me gifts throughout the year, though. We sat opening gifts yesterday morning with the kids. Everyone was pretty happy with their loot (H included). I opened (one) gift from my DS6. He asked me how come I didn't get much. I said that my children and my family were my "gifts" and that I was blessed to have them and to recognize that.

My H was feeling pretty guilty all day about it.

I understand your hurt. My FWH did that for years with all special days. I just started buying my own gifts, still that did`nt cut down on the hurt. Also what other stress are you talking about?

I agree w/ beliver - Huge red flag. But not necc. all about you. Your H may be a very thoughtless person. But that in itself is going to cause some major problems unless he gets a clue.

Sometimes I think back to my first Valentine's day with my H - no gift. I was devastated. It never got better in the gift dept. despite clear communications, as in, "I want a gift. Please get me one." for whatever holiday. One mother's day we were even visiting a friend and I asked him not to embarass me by not getting me a gift - no gift.

BUT, I can say that this Christmas he got me a gift. It took divorce papers to get it though - totally not worth it. Get into MC and see if this is something you want to stick around for.

kstan,

I've been married to a man for 23 years who isn't much of a gift giver....but he's a loving husband in many other ways. So give a little bit of history. You folks have only been married long enough to have ONE Christmas together as husband/wife, right? How long did you date before marrying? Did he give you gifts when ya'll were dating? Does he give you presents on your birthday? Is he "jerk" in other ways besides gift-giving? Is he affectionate? Do y'all spend alot of time together? Do you have any children?

Have you read Give and Take yet?

I went back and read your other threads - and it looks like he's just not putting much effort of any kind into the marriage. You might want to read up on it, then gather some ideas on how to draw him out a bit to a little more balanced investment in the relationship.

I want to thank everyone for their support and comments on my posting. My husband can be a jerk at times, then there are other times when he can be the sweetest man alive. The day after Christmas my mother-in-law approached my husband about not getting me a gift or his grandmother a gift. She was so heated and let him know that he should take care of his wife (me) before anyone else. So....from that day forward my husband has been trying to make amends with me. He has bought so much stuff, flowers, movies, clothes. He realized his mistake and I forgive him. My resolution this year is to forgive my husband really work through our problems. He has another Christmas to make it up to me as well. He apologized big time.

When we were dating he gave me gifts all the time. My birthday was on Thanksgiving this year and he really gave big time. I felt really special. I wanted to feel that way on Christmas too just like the children and his mom.