I fell in love with a good friend. I told him about it, and he said he would back off because I was married. A week later, he called saying he wanted to be friends with my husband and I. My husband told me not to talk to him anymore. I haven't been able to promise him that I would do that.

Unbeknownst to me, my husband left a message for my friend telling him not to call me (my friend usually calls my cell). I had left my friend a message telling him to return some stuff of ours that he had. My friend returned my call and we had a nice conversation, but when I mentioned it to my husband, he was really mad that my friend had called. I thought maybe he hadn't checked his messages. But this morning, he called my cell again. I was asleep and my husband answered. My friend said he was checking to see if we had a CD player. I have to admit that was a pretty weak excuse. My husband hung up on him and then called back and left a message saying he would call my friend's rabbi and the family that has "adopted" my friend if he kept calling me.

Why would my friend keep calling? When I told him I loved him, he said it would be inappropriate to discuss a relationship since I was married. My therapist says from his response that she thought his flirting hadn't been serious and that I had mistaken on his attentions. I just want to find out what he wants from me.

Well, it was a huge mistake to tell this "friend" [and he is no friend] that you had feelings for him. This only encouraged him and telegraphed that you were available for a free piece of action. He got the idea you were cheap and is hoping to cash in on this.

I would suggest promising your husband TODAY that you will never speak to him again and sending the OM a no contact letter that is approved by your husband. Then block the OM frm your cell phone and email.

Here is a sample no contact letter from Surviving an Affair; your letter should have a similar theme and be approved by your husband:

Dr. Harley�s (From SAA)

(OP), I want you to know that out of respect and love for my wife and children, I have come to realize that I must never see or talk with you again. My relationship with you was a cruel indulgence that (BS) did not deserve. While I cannot completely repay (BS) for the pain I have caused her, I will do my best to become the husband she�s been missing. I care a great deal for my family and I would not want to do anything to risk their happiness. I will not make any further contact with you and I do not want you to make any contact with me. Please respect my desire to end our relationship.
Sincerely,
(WS)

Did you tell your husband that you told this "friend" you were "in love" with him, inviting all this action?

What difference does it make what he wants? I can tell you what he wants. He wants to screw up your marriage is what he wants, all the while making himself *seem* like the noble one who "doesn't want to interfere because your married".

NO CONTACT...the ONLY way to go. This is NO friend, my dear.

You wrote:


Then you write:


You are game playing with both men, your husband and OM. I suspect you WANT the OM to tell you he loves you back so you can start up an illicit affair with him. Putting your H through one of the worse experiences of his entire life.

Have you asked yourself why you need all this male attention, at the expense of your marriage? I would guess its a combination of lack of self control and maturity.

The problem lies WITHIN you, not your marriage. Find out why your insecurities compelled you to pursue inappropriate relationships when you are MARRIED.



Flirting with the opposite sex is never innocent. The above quote tells me one of two things:

1. Either you didn't give your therapist the entire picture from your side (aka you placed a positive spin on it to make it look innocent)

2. Or, fire this therapist as she is inept regarding toxic affairs and how they begin. Find yourself a PRO-marriage counselor and tell them the ENTIIRE truth about yourself.

God Bless,
Jo

CG,

U led the guy (OM) on and now your H thinks he needs to defend you, yet U are the one causing this to go on.

So here's my question, what are you doing to rebuild your H's trust in you?

Btw, what you did by telling the OM that you had feelings for him was like waving a red flag in front of a bull or giving a drink to an alcoholic. U R not healthy for the OM. U played with his feelings and now he can't deal with it well.

Go work on your question and concentrate on your H. Do you also have children?

L.

p.s. Getting hit on by a man who KNOWS you are married is NOT a compliment, it is the highest INSULT; it is spitting in your face. He is openly telling you he thinks you are CHEAP.

crush,

Are we functioning as your teenage pizza hangout so that we can tell you he really, really likes you?

If you want to save your marriage, start communicating like that is your true purpose.

Otherwise scat!!!!!!!