Reading the book, "Surviving An Affair", which gives measures to take to separate wayward spouse from lover; my husband and I moved out of state to start fresh. We've been married for 15yrs with 2 children; this other woman tracked him to where we live now and calls him at work and even has come to this state to see him; he still talks to her; I've told him that he's pushing me away, but he continues to talk to her; I'm at the end

Sounds to me like maybe she had a little help finding him? As someone who's marriage didn't survive affairs, I can tell you that it isn't easy. Good for you for making a go of it! However, one person can't make all the effort to rebuild after an affair. As with anything in a marriage, it takes two. My opinion is that if he is really willing to work on this with you, then he needs to break off ALL contact with this woman and tell her in no uncertain terms she is his past and should stay there. Maybe you need to explain to him more than it's pushing you away, like he is breaking your heart by following his selfish wants and desires rather than focusing on your marriage? I finally had to tell my ex that it was her or me, he couldn't have both...and then I had to be prepared to stand by my decision. It's a hard, hard place you are in, and I am sorry for what you are going through.

Thank you for your response, sorry your marriage didn't survive, hope you are ok. I did him it won't be both, before 2007 things will have to change, me or her. He says he doesn't want her he wants us to make it, yet he talks to her and lies to me about it. I told him decide, he says he's torn, well so am I; I don't want to make the wrong decision, but I'm tired of this now.

I am not sorry it didn't survive. That sounds awful, but it's the truth. I would have stayed in an abusive, horribly unhealthy marriage until hades froze over if someone hadn't stood beside me and told me what needed to be said and not what I wanted to hear. I am now married to the man of my dreams, and in between the two, I found out just who I am. I really got to know myself WITHOUT trying to be everything to someone else. That, is priceless. My new husband and I are having a few issues, but I don't doubt for a moment that we are going to work them out. I know without a doubt that he is always open and honest with me, and would NEVER do anything to make me question his promise to our marriage. Stop second guessing yourself, because most of the time our instincts are right. We just want to believe differently. People don't lie unless they have something to hide. I don't mean to sound harsh, I just hate to see someone else go through the agony I did for so many years.