Unfortunatly yes. I guess I will have to start calling before I go. She doesn't answer most of the the time though so i don't bother. Its a shame that I have to go thru this. God HELP ME

Come on, out w/ it....all of it.

Did you go over ONE half an hour earlier?

What was your intention for going over there earlier than 6:30 this morning? To take pictures? To prove that your were right, he DID spend the night?

Was your DD w/ you?

~ Marsh

Marsh...I think 6:30 WAS the scheduled time that he told her last night. The half-hour only refers to the time he left cause OM's car was there only to return and him getting ready to leave.

W

Yes DD was with me but I didn't go more than 30 minutes early. I took the picture because I carry a camera and recorder everywhere I go. I got there about 6:15 and I had no intentions of catching them. Normally she stays with him and she gets home before I get there. One day last week she was not there and when I called to see, she said she was riding DD1 around because she could not slee, said she would right there. 25 minutes later she arrived. So no I didn't have them intentions. Also If I expected to see her I would been looking a lot better then dressing in work clothes that don't fit.

But I do ask you this. Was this God's way of showing me to move on? I am so confused I don't know what to do anymore.

No it was not God's way of telling you to move on

It was the devils way of making you feel insecure, uncertain, angry, upset, hurting, etc.

God was perhaps instrumental in you getting under their skin, interrupting the love nest, causing dissension between the infidels.

When the ink dries on a divorce decree...that may be God's message...until then...all I can say is: Act, Don't React.

Be the best husband, father and individual you can be for NOW and accept uncertainty about the future. God will reveal His plan...have patience and trust in Him.

Mr. Wondering

I'm sorry, PHB, I was afraid you had set yourself up for a bad situation.

I just didn't want you to put yourself into a situation where there was so much potential for you to get hurt.

This is just a bump in the road, it doesn't mean you should stop what you're doing. Not at all.

~ Marsh

So what I am hearing is to procede forward with Plan A. When is it better for the BS to move into PlanB to protect his hurt.

She kept asking why can't you just get over it and move on. All I could say was that I don't have peace about it and I believed that we can get thru this. She would say"never happen" "I dispise you" I dispise your family" "I dispise the way you have handled this" "I could never come back know what you have done" "Why can't you just find someone else and move on" "you are wasting your time" " i truely love OM"
All these things said I never lost my cool or temper. I kept using Get Thee behind me Satan. It helped and I even used it on her. I told her God will not be mocked. She would motion with her hands and say things to me like I she was ordaining me. She was actually mocking me for my belief. I know it is all FOG stuff but it is hurtful and know what she is doing is pushing me away. I need some encouragement today.

Going there 15 mins early was a mistake.

I hate it that your DD has to see this kind of thing. And then you were forced to talk to WW about the effect her behavior is having on DD.

Sucks sucks sucks.

And of course WW will blame you for how your DD reacts to her behavior.

Maybe making alternate plans when she is staying w/ you is a better idea. Next weekend, you ought to tell WW that you'll make other plans for Monday morning.

If she complains, just tell her you don't want a repeat of last weekend.

I keep thinking about what this is doing to your DD.

~ Marsh

PHB,

my FWW told me the same thing about pushing her away. BLAH BLAH BLAH -

You need to act good to her and react to her as if she were a stranger in a parking lot. You know - "man I would hate to be her or her H, she is so crazy - oh well on with my life."

You wife is mad because she is having a hard time letting go of you. This is good that you are making the A hard for her to justify to herself.

Your taker:
Yes it needs help - man I've been there and not long ago. You need to be saving $$$ to call Steve H so rent movies you have wanted to see. A few good movies, some chicken wings and a cold beer or two. That's one night. Go bowling with that friend you talked about. All cost little.

Have you read Bobpure's tool box?


Glad to have more hands on desk here - Jim, Mr W and ST


This reminds me of a joke:

A man is sinking in a boat so he askes God for help. Just then another boater comes along and asks if he needs help. No thanks he says, God will help me. This happens two more times and each time he says God will help me. As his boat sinks and he is in the water swimming he asks God "why have you not helped me?" God said "I sent 3 boats and you turned them down."

So what I'm saying is we are here working with you on this, helping you get thru this bad time in your life. You want another sign or it this enough?

keep up the good work

You've been hurt this morning. You need to lick your wounds and get your footing back again.




Translation: Blah blah blah.

Good job on not losing your temper.

She wants you to lose your temper, that way she can continue to justify her A.

So, that was a win this morning.




Please don't preach to her, or try to reason w/ her. WS can't be reasoned w/.

She doesn't care what you think or believe right now. So don't share it w/ her.

You just stick to your plan.

Plan A doesn't include preaching or teaching.

You had a bad morning, but that's all it was.

Try to learn what you can from it, and move on.

Make sure you do stuff for yourself today.

Alot of it.

All for YOU.

~ Marsh

Stop preaching to her - doesn't work in her state of mind.

the things she told you - could have been my wife almost work for word. Mr W told me Mrs W told him this stuff too.

she doesn't like the way you are handling it because it makes her mad to have to keep you in her life. She would love for you to give up and move on. Her A would then be the only choice and she would be happy. SHE THINKS, but it won't make her happy - only you can.

Do you have that list of DOs and DON"Ts? Read it again.

How do you get past these remarks. I know they are FOG talk but you see so many people in the same situation and divorcing now adays and can't help but think Am i wasting time. I mean heck I can improve myself with her back where she belongs.




Well she ain't showing it. I mean to have someone spend the night. When is it she has gone to far? When should I bolt.



Not all of it. It is hard to read all this stuff when I have my DD



I will take as much advise and help as I can get. I am really struggling right now.


Are you saying I should get on the boat?


Ready to see good work pay off.

DOs

1. Act Happy
2. Get a life (new activities, etc.)
3.repeat over and over..."I will make it"
4. Actively LISTEN....keep conversations at "to the point...small talk" ...don't blow it up beyond the waywards current comfort zone
5. Tend to Agree (Thank you for your truthfulness, It seems that way, you have a point)
6. Expand your social relationships (Being especially aware of your own vulnerability and keeping sharing and time with opposite sex relationships to an absolute minimum)
7. Get sexy (gym, new clothes, etc)
8. Focus on your strengths and Positives...don't put yourself down verbally or constantly go over what you did wrong
9. Accept Uncertainty (Do your best today and let God take care of tommorrow)

DON'Ts

1. Repeatedly say "I love you"
2. Ask questions that don't have answers yet
3. Criticize, complain, whine or nag
4. Say, "I've changed"....allow the wayward spouse to simply judge your actions
5. Argue, Reason or Plead
6. Don't get family or friends overly involved in recovery (notice I said "in recovery", EXPOSURE to bust up an active affair IS ESSENTIAL and EXPOSURE to the OP's spouse is an absolute MUST)
7. Act helpless or depressed
8. Discuss morality, invoke God or Dr. Laura type babble
9. Suggest marital counseling (must be the waywards idea)
10. Tell them continually "we need to work on the relationship"
11 . GIVE UP

Ok I also read on here to make the A hard on them. How are some ways to do that. I have exposed, threatened OM, Pleaded and stuff. Are there any other ways to come between them?This I would enjoy doing and would suit my taker very well. Can I kill him?

also she told me that even if OM wanted to go back to his wife she would not come back to me. I said OK. Try one thing for yourself. Tell him its over and you are going to work on your marriage and then stick to NC with him and see if he don't run to his wife. She said I can't do that. I said because you know he will, I said quit holding him back because he wants to go. She said no he doesn't. I said You told me the same thing last time I told you this and you found out he wanted to. I said let go of him and see what happens.

She knows that if she does that, he would run back to his W and she would be alone to face what she has done. she can't face that right now.

Please stop trying to reason w/ her.

It's not helpful.

What are you going to do for yourself today?

~ Marsh

Kill OM

where in Plan A will this make you a better person? This is NOT about the OM.

OK if I can't do it. Can I get it done? I know it will not be traced back to me.