This is what he intended for me and he even knew how to get me to see it. By breaking my tooth and getting me to talk to this dentist. I really have no idea how I broke the tooth. I assume I did it at night gritting them. I really don't know. But God does.

I also have to own up to something I told WW about this mornong that I failed to mention. I told her that I wanted to be a part of DD1 life, although she is still in Foster care, I still love her and I want to be a part of her life. WW said I would have to pay child support and I said "its not about the money, its about family and what is right" WW said that DD1 already calls OM daddy. That hurt but I said whe knows who her daddy is just ask your aunt when DD1 sees my picture. Problem is that if DSS finds out that I want her also, they may pull her from us. WW started crying when I told her this. I think she was crying because she knew I was serious and mey cause problems in the adoption procedure. I really need to pray about this situation.

I can't go back to that house. It was a rental house. She moved in about 2 months after renters moved out. I am living in the marital home.

Yes, we are.

I'm so glad you have this perspective.

It's the one you need to have in order to do a successful, Plan A.

I hope you have a fabulous night.

~ Marsh

Thanks Marsh and to all who have helped me to this point. Now ready to take it to the next level.

one other thing I failed to mention was that DD came into WW house this morning and said Mom me and Daddy are going to paint my room Sky blue with a big rainbow and pot of gold. WW said nothing, except well your daddy needs to get the Christmas decorations down before anything. I said I plane on doing that when DD isn't with me. I spend time w/her when she is with me. <-LB for sure but I said it to quickly. but I am learning.

As a rental home...can you put it on the market??? Maybe even just a "For Sale by Owner" or "For Lease" sign in the front yard.

W

Oh boy, HB. I'm going to have to cipher through & sort out everything that's happened. A lot from the time I posted to you at 1:30 in the morning or around there. Did you get to read the long post I made for you? It has some scripture-related items in there you might find useful. I'm going to sort through & come up w/a response. HB, reading through some of it, not all yet, LB's are bound to happen through all of this. I sure had my share & my M was reconciled. I'm sure others here went through the same thing. Just hold on strong & in the belief that God does not let go of our hands as we're facing this stuff. If anything, He'll grab on tighter!!

ST I have read some of it But not all of it yet. I am going to print it out.

Did I sooth my taker tonight? Answer is partially. I went to the Y and played RB and was tempted unmercifully. I stayed strong although thoughts are just as bad as doing, according to the Lord, All I had were thought of talking to few OW. I had this little feeling in my stomach that kept saying NO. Then I would go back to the court. I come home and am currently watching the Gators whip "The Ohio St. Uni". That has been fun watching one of my High school products play as a freshman and possibly win a NT. So I guess I soothed it a little. Going to do it all over again tomorrow.

Called DD all night and she finally called me at 9:15 talked with her for about 2 minutes and the whole time WW is telling her to hang up. Thats ok because she is stillreeling over the facts. She has done wrong and having trouble living with that fact. Whether she tells me or not I know because if she is a child of God, he is on her way worse than I could ever think about. And if she has trouble with the things I say, just imagine how hard it must be to fight off God. anyway I will check back here in a few just to see if anyone has any comments on todays events and what I may be able to do next. I am thinking of riding to the beach this weekend.

pHB - You do know that is also "working" on you through this time, don't you? That's part of the Romans 8:28 promise to believers.

And try this on "for size," and see how it fits with your submission to God;

Love her back to you, as Christ loves the church.


I asked you earlier if you believed that your wife was born again. I ask you that again, because God's promises are only for those who are born again.

What you need to also think about for yourself is patience, waiting on the Lord as you continue to intercede for your wife.

It IS a fact that unrepentant adulterers will not be in heaven NOT because their sin is any greater than anyone else's, but because Christ NEVER knew them. Hence my previous question about her being born again or not.

But you also need to understand that as you are praying for your wife that you also need to pray that Christ be revealed to her, as both her Savior and her LORD. For your marriage, pray that it be established in Him and that God will be honored as you both grow in your individual walk's with Him.

I, as one of many here, have been where you now find yourself. I have the "luxury" of looking back to that point in my own marriage and seeing where God has taken it now. The second thread that I started when my wife finally decided to return home and try to rebuild our marriage was called "Miracles happen when you are obedient to God." It was true then, it remains true today.

Wisdom is the application of the knowledge God illumines you with as you grow in Him. He is showing you YOUR need for Him so that your wife can see her need for Him and for a godly husband. It is part of what "letting your light shine" is all about. Your REAL changes, founded in love for God, are attractive to other believers and repelling to unbelievers because they cause light to be shined on darkness. In all things, remember that it is NOT solely what you DO, but what GOD can do, that is important. "With God, is anything impossible?" But just as God took 6 days to create everything instead of instantly, all at once, God takes the time that HE knows is needed for our benefit. Trust in the Lord. Wait on the Lord. Grow in the Lord. And tell yourself every day (they all seem sooooo long) to be patient, patient, patient. For the same reason that the Lord Himself is "longsuffering."

God bless and cover you with His peace.

pHB - the following was in my email "in basket" on Monday.
So you ask "what you may be able to do next?" It seemed to me that this might be an answer for you.

God bless.


In Touch Daily Devotional
by Dr. Charles Stanley
--------------------------------------------------------

January 08, 2007

Misplaced Priorities

Luke 12:16-21


The Lord’s parable of the foolish, wealthy man is a study in misplaced priorities. Believers today can learn from three mistakes he made: 1) he provided for himself, not for others; 2) he provided for his body, not for his spirit; and 3) he provided for this life, not for the life to come. There is always a penalty for misplaced priorities. This foolish man passed away with no opportunity to enjoy his goods. Even worse, he died with a bankrupt soul.


Serving the Lord and His kingdom is the key to setting proper goals. When believers make service for God a priority, they’ll use a lens of righteousness to order their priorities. The question we should be asking is not “What shall I do?” but rather “Lord, what would You have me do?” The answer should be prayerfully sought and biblically evaluated. It dictates which things we must put first in order to achieve God’s purpose for our life.


Life is not something that simply happens to people. Where we are today is largely determined by the way we prioritize our concerns in previous months and years. This means we can positively impact our future by organizing our priorities according to biblical guidelines. Then, unlike the rich, foolish man in Jesus’ parable, we will learn the eternal value of providing for others so our own soul is fed. More than that, we will obey Jesus’ command from Matthew 6:20, “Store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal.”

Okay. I'm going to tell you about an incident w/LB that happened when he was in his room one day. I had brought the children up to see him (& I was also in my begging stage of the A). I told him that I was praying & that he wasn't this "type" of person, that I was never going to give up on *us*. He looked me square in the eye & said, "ST, I don't love you. Get over it!" Not even a blink. I was devastated. Hurt like he$$. You know what happened in the end. So this isn't the end of the world that this transpired. It happens.

Another incident -- Right before LB left, I had a breast cancer scare. He was there w/me at the dr's appts. He was there through the mammograms. He cried the night we found out that I didn't have cancer, thanking God over & over that I was alright. The A happens -- I ask him, "Well what about the breast cancer scare? You had told me that you loved me so much & that you didn't want me to ever leave you." He says, "ST, I was worried that the kids would lose their mother. That's all!" Ouch! You know how my story ends. Again, this happens. It's a WS script. They re-write everything, sometimes even saying, "I didn't really love you to begin with. I married you b/c you were pregnant." or "I meant my vows then. Things change."

It's ok, HB. Satan might have won that little battle this AM w/your W. You gave into the temptation to holler, scream, whatever. You didn't bite your tongue. That's ok. You know what? God is going to win the war! Remember, this is a spiritual war you are fighting.


That feeling you get is probably God telling you to let Him do the talking. Maybe praying before you actually see her will help?


Don't believe her. Talk to DSS yourself. Get it straight from the horse's mouth. This could be your WW's way of getting you to do what she wants. I'm going to bold this -- Never believe a WW w/o verification!!!!


NO!!!!!


The rope is another good one. I had to let go of that rope until I could start seeing improvements. Not let go of my M, but let go of who I wanted my H to be. He was not that man then. God was working on him & I had to get out of the way.


I think this could be an answer to your question about

Thanks for the comments FH and ST. I am at work and WW just emailed me this 5 minutes ago:
"There once was a girl who wanted to be free from a relationship that she had no desire to be in.
Her heart and desire was not there anymore and even though she cared for this person she had no
desire to be around this person or his family who she has tried to get along with. She has
suffered enough over the past 15 years. Instead of this man giving her the freedom she desires
he continues to torture her and her children. Hasn't this girl had ENOUGH?
If you love someone you will let them GO! Because with or without you she WILL move on! "

OK callling all MBers in because I am not mature enough yet to reply to this. What should if anything should I reply. If I reply it may sound as if I am needy and I want this reply to be just right instead of firing off. I am going to be thinking of a reply while I sit here so I can start learning how to think Plan A instead of M and condeming her.

no response is best.

I've got to run but I'd seriously consider rewriting the brutal "poem" to your own liking...reverse babbling.

This is just such immature crappy fog babble it doesn't NEED a response so take your time.


"There once was a girl who wanted to be free from a relationship that she had no desire to be in.
Her heart and desire was not there anymore and even though she cared for this person she had no
desire to be around this person or his family who she has tried to get along with. She has
suffered enough over the past 15 years. Instead of this man giving her the freedom she desires
he continues to torture her and her children. Hasn't this girl had ENOUGH?
If you love someone you will let them GO! Because with or without you she WILL move on! "

Honey...you are not a girl...you are a woman, a wife and a mother. As a married woman you are not free to have relationships with other men. You are not free to torture your loving husband and family. Perhaps, if OM loves you so much HE will let you go back to your God given family where you belong. I am not giving up on us today.

PH

Await a few more responsea cause I've got to run.

First of all here is what I feel like saying: I know your desire is not there right now. I do see the hurt you are in right now and I only want to be there for you WHEN you fall. It seems to me the more you push me away, the closer God brings me to you. It is almost like he is preparing me for your return so I can help you deal with the pain, guilt and depression you will endure. The desire you don't have right now is the deception you are in. The reason you are pleading for me to let you go is the justification you need oas to what you are doing. The Lord is making you miserable right now and any justification you can get to make this easier for you is what you are looking for. The problem is even if I do let you go the Lord will not and it will only get harder for you. The problem you have will not be fixed in this other relationship. This will only bring more troubles for you. Me and your entire family see your misery and want to help but you have to let us in. I in no way torture you, I am only trying to protect you as you have asked me many time to do. Have you really had enough or are you ready to give it up and try to improve your life. I can help you with that. I am PREPARED.

This is what I would have replied normally to her. Now with new found patience and great MBer's I will wait and make sure the reply is right and not rushed. All input will be greatly appreciated.

I like that Mr.W. Let me think on that one. That is pretty good

I am thinking I should include something that says in a questions like: Do we both agree that we have both hurt our DD's? Can we both stop the hurt for them? I have turned from my ways for my children and you. Will you turn from yours for your children and your God given marriage?

Keep this in mind as you think - WS lost in a fog bank is not "educatable". So don't try to "educate" her right now.

Not trying to educate. Only trying to get the perfect response so that she will have to think about it. I didn't want to fire back in haste. That is why I came here 1st. Marsh told me that a while back that I should come here before I respond to her in any way. That keeps me honest and on Plan A. Plus its builds patience which is what I need to help myself.

pHB,

Agian, you can't preach to a WS. KA said it best above.

No response is best. Don't play her game or tit for tat. You are above this now!!!

Reverse babble would come in handy when you are talking to her.

WW: this M is done and over

pHB: I hate the way this M is also, we can make it better

WW: I don't like you any more

pHB: I don't like you having a BF either.

Bobpure had a good one he would tell his wife when she started the fog talk.

Bobpure: My hovercraft is full of eels.

Stay still pHB and let the forces work on your wife. You are already making the A hard for her. HOW? You didn't just give up and move on with your life, you are fighting for her and it pi55es her off that she still has you in her life to deal with.

Conflict is way better than nothing

Also just found out that this email she sent to me went to everyone I work with.

M2L I think Mr.W response was very good. It would show her that I will not make it easy for her. I know sometimes it is better to not say anything but with the hurt she is showing it may push farther. I don't know yet but I do know everyone here see her FOG. Remember Conflict is better than nothing