no kidding,

I had ML, WAT and Pep pi55ed at me for some of the stuff I did and they told me. Glad for itin the end.

Did not talk w/WW after she paid me a visit yesterday. I guess that could be a good thing. I know she is worried about what I'm going to do because she does not want DSS getting involved again because she knows this time they more than likely will take DD1 back and place her somewhere else.
Pastor called to check on me last night and said he had been thinking about the whole mess but asked me if I thought it was fair to DD1 to go thru all of this. She was taken from 1 home as an infant and now she may be living with no one who will teach her right from wrong. I said that is what is making it so tough on me. I know if I do something that gets her removed from WW she would never forgive me. But if I don't protect DD8, she may have emotional problems for the rest of her life. She is already resenting WW.Of course that is my fault along with everything else. He said he would protect DD8 first and worry about the rest later.

I had a lot of time last night to do some searching and praying. I know I want my marriage to work. I know I love who my WW was. I know God can heal all things. I will get a plan from SH, set a goal and see what happens.

On the other hand if I do take out this RO against OM and DSS comes in and takes DD1 that may push WW away for good. Now you know what I want, you know what I need to do but if I do this and all of this happens do you really think WW will ever be able to forgive that.And on top of that DD8 absolutly loves and cherishes DD1.

pHB is stuck in a rut....

pHB - Who is in control? Who is in control of forgiveness?
IS your wife a born again believer?

If you believe that the RO would cause a problem, then perhaps it is one of those "things" that you might have to let go and commit to "enduring" as you stand for "right and wrong" and "obedience to God." But you will have to weigh all the facts you have at your disposal. You will have to decide what the long term effect will be for your DD if "adultery" is considered "acceptable" if you don't take a stand, regardless of how emotionally difficult it is, FOR God and for the absolutes of God's commands.

Consider the effects, both long and short, of endurance for God and forgiveness and restoration IN God.

God bless.

pHB,

Have you been reading any other threads? Some of the older stuff here that would relate to you? I read post are post to help me. I learned that these A and the way a WS acts is very predictable and much the same.

Then I learned how to deal wiht that and what comes next.

Sure your wife may be really upset for awhile...a long while. But that's your WW. Once the affair ENDS, she'll have the opportunity to perhaps return to being the Wife you knew and may yet be able to forgive you.

Does entitled WW really feel entitled to you completing the adoption process with her and assuming legal and financial responsibility for this child while at the same time carrying on with a affair and leaving you??? Does she feel SO entitled that she'd even expect you to stay married, you know, at least until the process is over???

She's doing this to herself. I'd seriously consider even calling DSS yourself and being up front with them about what is going on. Make inquiries, update the file and be VERY honest with them. Normally, government involvement is a big old waste of thime...but demonstrating respect for the system may behoove you later in court (which is also part of the system). Of course...speak with your attorney first.

Mr. Wondering

*thud*

Yes I beleive that she is. Only her and God know that for sure. I beleive my Wife is born again, but WW isn't. She has even made the statement I know I am doing wrong but I will ask forgiveness later. God will not be mocked.


I feel that if I don't take a stand for DD, she may see that and turn to it later in life because her mom did it.
Thats why this is so hard.

Yeah I have been but I have to find time to get away from this. Not this thread because I come here for help and encouragement. But when I am reaing it is a constant reminder of what I am going thru and I need some time away.I am learning thru all this reading how to deal but sometimes its just overwhelming.

Boy I hope so.

No she doesn't want me to be a part of it. she wants DD1 to be hers and his.she has already stated that and DD1 is calling him Daddy



I think so on this


I will pray about this.

PHB,

I know this is in your thread but can you once again explain the children situation (i.e. - yours, our, mine, foster, adopted)....I am confused and would like to offer a comment but want to make sure I understand the sitch completeley.

Thanks.

What "thud"? Do you feel left out on my recovery? Let me tell you something. When I did pi55 these people off I thought about leaving these boards and the MB plan all together (you reading this pHB) and you came back with nice warm friendly posts. Kinda like a hand out to me. THAT made me stick around. Very glad for it Marsh - again, THANK YOU.

DD8 is ours.

DD1 is a foster child that we have had since she was 4 mths old and we should have adopted in Sept. Then WW goes crazy and it has been drug out. I decided that I didn't feel it was fair to DD1 for her to noy have a M & D present in home and WW went and got it to where she cold get her on her own.

Hi PHB,

I just wanted to check in w/ you today and let you know that I feel for the tough spot you're in.

I want you to know that I'm praying for and I believe in you.

You know that you don't have a crystal ball that will tell you how all this is going to play out. So, you act from your beliefs and let the cards fall where they may.

~ Marsh

I think you mistook Pep's thud for mine.

I believe Pep was shocked to see you were scared of her. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

And I thank you for your kind words to me, M2L.

~ Marsh

Yes I did think it was you Marsh. Having a 2 year old on your leg while you are here is hard to do I guess. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

pHB - hows it going? Thinking of you.

I have my DD and it has been better. I wentto church twice and I feel alot better. Thanks for the prayers I need them. Now off to watch 24.

WW called earlier wanting to know if DD was coming to her house in the morning. DD didn't want to go, WW said why do you not love me, DD said I love you I just don't want to come to your house. WW said where are you gonna go? DD I don't know I will find somewhere. When WW called back DD said she was staying with my mom tomorrow. WW said what! Who's taking you? Let me speak to your dad. I said I was taking her over there in the morning because she didn't to come over there. Well, she said, I don't want to go up there and pick her up. I said I will get her when I get off of work. She said I need her before that. I said just call me tomorrow sometime and we will work it out. she said alright bye.

I think I handled this quite well. May have been a LB for DD to go over there know the sitch WW has agianst MIL but It may show her I can do things on my own. Le tme know if I should have done different

You did just fine.

Everyday that WW has access to DD8 and passes it up is another day documented for you.

Waywards are so wrapped up in the affair they will often feel relief when NOT having to take on custody. They will fight like heck for it, then when the actual day for it arrives forget about.

When the two competing options are available at any given moment:

Child vs. OM fix

Fix wins nearly everytime

AND...with today's technology, that fix can include time for silly text messaging, cell phone calls, emails, telephone and/or in person visits whatever as long as WW can escape to fantasy land.

Mr. Wondering

On my way to work this morning [color:"red"] AFTER [/color] dropping off DD at GM's. I went by WW house and he was parked in garage. This is just about to much for me. I took a pic and went on.

How did you BS's handle all of this. I am tempted to just throw in the towel.