pHB, I handled it the same way you are, several times in fact during our 4 year recovery. It is a normal feeling and one that you have the God-given right to act upon if you so choose.

What I did each time was to recommit to enduring, to standing for our marriage in God, to trusting in God to know what He is doing and when He is going to do it, to my original decision that IF there was going to be a divorce, my wife would have to file because I was committed "for life." I would not "countenance" the affair by saying through divorce something like "it's okay you have committed adultery and it's okay to let some man put asunder what God has joined together." Nor would I allow myself the "luxury" of escaping the pain of contact and refusal on my wife's part to submit to God regardless of HER feelings. It was my chosen path to STAND for God and for God's covenant of marriage in spite of the time frame and my emotional reactions.

It was not easy. Waiting on the Lord seldom is as we 'mark time' in a linear manner. There were even times I posted here on MB because the temptation to "throw in the towel" was so great at the time. With the benefit of "20-20 hindsight" today of seeing where we are now versus where we were "then," I am eternally grateful to God and His promise AND the lessons He has taught me along the way. Romans 8:28, Philippians 4:13, and Joseph (one of my personal "heroes" (along with JOB) in the categories of longsuffering, faithfulness to God regardless of circumstances, and of forgiveness ("what you intended for evil, God intended for good"))

Our hope IS in the Lord.


With respect to your wife's comment that "she will ask for forgiveness later," two brief comments that someone will hopefully communicate to her. But you also need to be reminded that ALL Wayward Spouses MUST talk this way (hence the reason why you should let what they say go in one ear and out the other) in order to justify what they KNOW is sin against God and WRONG behavior for a married person, even if they are not a believer, and especially so if they are.


First, NONE of is promised tomorrow, don't presume upon God. "Go and LEAVE your life of sin," as Jesus told the woman. NOT, "when you are ready," but "Go NOW and LEAVE NOW ..."

Second, God does NOT forgive an unrepentant sinner, and unrepentant adulterers WILL NOT be in heaven because Jesus will tell them, "Away from me you evildoers, I NEVER knew you." They fool themselves into thinking they are saved but never were, and their actions (fruits) show it. Or they are backslidden and running from God, but they can never escape the conviction of the Holy Spirit who indwells them and sees everything they do and who fulfills His role.

God bless.

FH,

How did you beleive so much and yet everything you see looks different. To be honest, I know that satan is working on me right now. He is wanting me to do this and that. I know its not right to do, so I have been trying to be obediant to God. But each and every day that passes I long to be with my wife and nothing seems to point that way. I feel like moving straight to plan B because of the hurt I feel when I see things, and I am losing the love because of what she is doing. I mean my WIFE is sharing herself with someone other than her Husband. The OM is enjoying my Wife. How did you get past that?

What do you mean by God-given right to act upon if you so choose?

Did you have a process for this or is it someting that God gave you in order to deal with it?

All the hope I have is within the Lord. He is all I got.



I told have her both of them but it's like talking to a fool as Proverbs says.

Within Plan A I should be working on making myself better but I feel like I am getting worse. I can't getthis stuff off of my mind. I started AD's 3 days ago but they aren't working quick enough. It does seem that I feel better each time I pray but when I finish, satan jumps back on me.

Found this prayer in one of my devotions this mornings, it sure has helped with my struggles right now:

Dear Lord, help me to recognize Your faithfulness in my life. Aid me in understanding that You work according to Your faithfulness and not my desires. I pray that You increase my faith. Help me to relax and know that You are God. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Can anyone tell that I am impatient. My last few days have been historical. I can't sit down with looking on here to see if anyone post. I am addicted........

pHB, let me try to respond to these two posts of yours in reverse order, if I may.



Jesus told the Pharisees concerning divorce among His people (who we call believers today): "I tell that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery." (Matthew 19:9, emphasis added)

Earlier, in speaking to his disciples Jesus told them; "It has been said, 'Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.' But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to commit adultery, and anyone who marries a woman so divoced commits adultery." (Matthew 5:31-32, emphasis added)

Jesus was condemning the "light treatment" of divorce that "common and accepted practice" at that time. There were two main issues that Jesus addressed here. First, that a divorce for any reason other than adultery CAUSES adultery and leads to adultery if not very careful. Second, adultery has already occurred in marital unfaithfulness, so the faithful spouse is NOT "causing adultery" through the act of divorce. It already exists and is the ONE recognized "valid" reason for a believer to divorce his/her spouse. It also, in that instance, contains a warning about the potential for the faithful spouse to later marry someone else, again to protect the faithful spouse and the future marriage covenant from committing the sin of adultery.

The Lord "hates" all divorce. But it is "allowed" in the case of adultery, if the faithful spouse cannot "live with" the fact even though they have forgiven the repentant spouse, or if the spouse remains unrepentant.



God gave me this when I was saved. It has been a part of me, and is a part of ALL believers, since we became a "new creation" and received a "new heart" from the sovereign grace and work of God.

The "process" you speak of, that we all go through, is the process of Sanctification, of becoming more and more "Christ-like" in our daily lives. It comes from BELIEVING God and submitting our will and our life TO God, regardless of circumstances, and in following God's commands and teaching in humble obedience no matter what is happening or how we feel. Why is it a process instead of instantanous? Because we still retain the "sin-nature," the propensity to sin. We fight that "battle" all of our lives because NONE of us "perfect" yet. The GOAL is perfection, and worthy to be striven for. "Be perfect therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect." (Matt.5:48)

The "Free Will" we have is what is operating here. We can CHOOSE to be obedient to God or we can choose not to. God is "interested in" the individual believer's response to the awesome work that God did for him/her while they were completely and totally unworthy of His action on their behalf. This is, in part, the "Lordship" part of accepting Jesus as both Savior and Lord.



And, if you take the time to reflect upon it, He is all we need. In the final analysis, nothing else matters in comparison. As Solomon put it, "Vanity of vanities," says the Preacher, "All is vanity!" (or as the NIV puts it: "Meaningless! Meaningless!" says the Teacher. "Everything is meaningless!" (Eccl.12:8)

What is God's position on this? Solomon concludes Ecclesiastes with the answer:
"Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man. For God will bring every deed into judgment, including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil." (Eccl.12:13-14)



Sin is blinding. It is NOT the responsibility of the speaker to get the recipient to hear, understand, or acknowledge the truth. That is the work of God. It is the responsibility of the speaker to speak the truth of God regardless of any response or lack of response and to leave the "cultivation" of those "seeds of truth" to God to water and grow as He wills. That, too, is the idea behind even church discipline as outlined in Matthew 18:15-20.



May I suggest that "Plan A" is good and can help. But for believers the "Plan A" that really works is "Plan OTG." "Obedience to God" and submission to God and His omniscience and omnipotence, to our Father who knows what we need. To Christ who is NOT unfamiliar with our pain and anguish, who understands our feelings and who enables us to endure, to "DO," everything THROUGH Him and His power." the rhetorical question is: "Is anything too hard for God?"(He who created all things by the power of His Word and the purpose of His will and sustains them by that same power until the time He creates all things anew)

There are many things that are "too hard" for me, alone, and in my own limited, finite, power. There is NOTHING that is "too hard" when I am connected to the unlimited and boundless power of God.




Then consider the biblical directive to "pray without ceasing." GOD doesn't "need" our prayers, WE do. And that, too, is an act of obedience to HIM who has told us to pray, to take our supplications directly to God through Christ Jesus who intercedes daily (all the time) for us.

Satan flees from the power of God unleashed through the prayer of a humble servant of the Lord. Jesus IS the light of the world, and darkness flees from the light, cannot exist in the light. Keep your light shining and do not "hide it."

The weak shall be made strong.

God bless.

Thanks FH

I will need to reread that post sometime tonight when I am not at work to reflect back on the words.

I do see that it is my job to plants the seeds, but God takes over after that and handles the growth. I have to keep telling myself that the seed doesn't poke thru the ground immediatly.

pHB,

Something people here told me:

"M2L, you have to earn a D." What??? It meant that I had to go thru all that I could before I could get to the point where I was ready for D.

I have read many many posts from BH and BW and i can tell you that you are no dif than others and you are not close enough to throw in the towel yet.

It may sound hard to hear, but you still have fight in you. This A addiction is HARD to break. The harder it is to break, the harder the WS falls one day.

pHB - what makes you think that I am "past that?" It is part of our past. Six years of celibacy, six years of her PA/EA. But that was "then," and this is "now." God doesn't forget anything and neither do we. It is locked away in our memory. But I CAN tell you that as you proceed down the path of "recovery," and then into "recovered," they become like so many other memories...faded and without the impact they had when the pain was "fresh and new." There ARE "triggers" along the way where the memories and emotional responses come rushing back, but they, too, fade and lose their impact with time. You "get past it" together, not individually. As TWO become "one flesh" together, both walking humbly with God, GOD heals the brokenhearted and the guilty-hearted with HIS love and His promises. God rebuilds a newer and better "vessel," both individually and as a married unit, that increasingly brings Him honor and glory and that is "fit for His service."


"How did you beleive so much and yet everything you see looks different."

Consider Job. I have lost "little" in comparison. Yet, with "20-20" hindsight we can see that God IS with the faithful, regardless of their circumstances.


"I feel like moving straight to plan B because of the hurt I feel when I see things, and I am losing the love because of what she is doing."

Believe me when I say I understand the feeling you are having. I don't, however, believe for one minute that you are losing your love for your wife. You ARE separating a marriage that honors God from one that satisfies just your "needs." You ARE repelled by blatant sin against God and saddened over the erosion of the sanctity and covenant of Marriage as God intended for marriage. But your love for your wife you will take to your grave with you, just as God loves the people in the world even though they will spend eternity either with Him or separated from Him. Their actions do NOT define your love. It may diminish the "tingly" feelings, but not the depth and firm commitment TO love.


"I feel like moving straight to plan B because of the hurt I feel when I see things, and I am losing the love because of what she is doing. "

I understand, again, what you are feeling. Plan B MAY be part of your future, but I don't think you are near that point yet. Your wife has seen, but doesn't yet allow herself to believe, your changes already. Continue in "plan Obedience to God" and "plan Submission to God" in your life and your role as husband and father and let your faith be seen by your "works." Consider making it clear to your wife that you have no intention of divorcing her, but that you will go to your grave loving her.

Remember, pHB, if your wife IS a true believer, GOD WILL convict her of her sin. The question is "how long?" We don't know that piece, but God does. One who could tell you volumes more about this is Mortarman. Perhaps he might find some time to talk with you. He is now divorced from his wife, but is in the possible process of gettting back together with her as she seems to be finally "seeing the light."

God bless.

God Knows all but all i have been asking for is a hint. This way or that way. Guess that is where my faith is tested. I have known her for 18 yrs and as well as a lot of her family and friends I am shocked over the things she is doing. I wonder sometimes If she truely is saved. I pray for her daily because I don't want my DD8 seeing the things her mom is doing.

Does MortarMan still get on here?

Thanks for all the knowledge you have brought me today. I thought I would snap out of it after a day or two but that hasn't been the case.

Almost Tuesday!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

He does. But infrequently now as he is spending time on his own situation.

It might be simpler for you to seek him out, direct him to this thread, and ask him for any input he might feel led to share.

God bless.

I will keep an eye for him.

M2L Tuesday can't come quick enough. Just wish i had more patience. I just don't know how much more I can take, if any!

A Psalm of Life
What the Young Man Said to the Psalmist

.
Tell me not, in mournful numbers,
Life is but an empty dream! -
For the soul is dead that slumbers,
And things are not what they seem.

Life is real! Life is earnest!
And the grave is not its goal;
Dust thou are, to dust returnest,
Was not spoken of the soul.

Not enjoyment, and not sorrow,
Is our destined end or way;
But to act, that each to-morrow
Find us farther than to-day.

Art is long, and Time is fleeting,
And our hearts, though stout and brave,
Still, like muffled drums, are beating
Funeral marches to the grave.

In the world's broad field of battle,
In the bivouac of Life,
Be not like dumb, driven cattle!
Be a hero in the strife!

Trust no Future, howe'er pleasant!
Let the dead Past bury its dead!
Act, - act in the living Present!
Heart within, and God o'erhead!

Lives of great men all remind us
We can make our lives sublime,
And, departing, leave behind us
Footprints on the sands of time;

Footprints that perhaps another,
Sailing o'er life's solemn main,
A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,
Seeing, shall take heart again.

Let us, then, be up and doing,
With a heart for any fate;
Still achieving, still pursuing,
learn to labor and to wait.

HENRY WADSWORTH LONGFELLOW

Just received a call telling me my WW was at my house. I called her and she fussed because all the doors locked. I agreed with her.LOL Then I asked on more time if she would keep DD8 away from OM. She said no and I said ok I will protect her then. She said I can't do that and if I did she would have me arrested. I said if thats what you have to do. She is really out there. Do all WW get this far out. I mean this is like an apple becoming an orange. Totally a different person. One that I don't like.

Without court order....either one of you have 100% right to custody at any time. She can't have you arrested for holding your children and denying her access.

Now...if you do it for NO reason...it can be used against you. So, next time SHE has custody, if she vindictively witholds the children from you. She will look bad.

Absent court proceedings, I don't recommend doing this long. It can't appear a game to you to the court later. Keep the request as simple as you have and document it.

Mr. Wondering

Yup they do change LOTS. All me me me me me - screw you a-hole spouse, your trying to ruin my fun A.

I wonder what she will say to the police? My H doesn't want me to have our DD around the guy I having an A with so please arrest him - ok? Just make him stop - lock him up so he will not be in my way anymore. LOL Hey, he took a picture of me with the guy I'm sleeping with so can you shoot him?

WTF


pssst! shes trying to scare you off

Actually....I think she'll call her cousin the cop and blab on and on about how WH is kidnapping the kids. Cousin will inform her that he has every right to the children HOWEVER cousin MAY then proceed to tell her exactly how to go about getting them back.

1. Maybe break into the house and get them

2. Find them and take them

3. Find you and confront you...slap herself around and call the cops on you...then while you are under arrest go and get the children.

Watch your back and again...respect the law no matter how unjustly it is applied by the cops in any given situation.

It's a war. Don't lose the overall war to win or go nuts during an individual battle.

W

She says Stalking after Firdays incident

This is all way to much. Why in the world would someone want to do this to their kids. I could never imagine doig something like this. Even the shape I am in now.